Broken By Betrayal
by DivineDescent
Summary: Dean always hides his true feelings. Alcohol, women and violence always seem to make the pain go away. Will it be enough this time? My alternative to season 7. Eventual Destiel. If you don't like that kind of thing, please don't read. M/M, language, adult content
1. Chapter 1

_**This is my first time doing this, so please be patient with me. I own no part of Supernatural or the characters. I gave it a M rating for language and adult content (and possibly a little smut in upcoming chapters). I really do not know exactly what direction this story is headed, but I really hated all the unresolved issues in the show so this is my attempt at some sort of closure. (also to have a little fun with the characters.) In the next chapter I intend to veer a little farther away from actual canon, but I needed a starting point. I hope you enjoy.**_

**Chapter 1: Denial**

Dean watched as the blood stained overcoat washed up to the bank of the lake near his feet. He slowly bent down to rescue it from the water, now contaminated with a brand new threat to humanity. Yet another enemy… and yet another war to fight. When would the death, destruction, and loss finally come to an end?

Dean reached down and pulled the coat from the water, slowly rolling it up into a ball, giving it a slight squeeze. "Stupid son of a bitch." He let his eyes linger on the soft ripples of the water, privately searching for even the smallest sign that Castiel wasn't really gone. "Why didn't you listen to me?"

The whole scene flooded him with more emotion than he was prepared to feel. He knew that it could end like this, but really never expected how much it would hurt if it did. He had lost so much over the years, little touched him anymore. So, why did this?

He fought back the tears that were building up and took a deep breath as he threw the stupid coat into the trunk of his Impala. _Why did he take it anyway?_ "Freakin angel!" he growled under his breath, slamming the trunk shut. One more barrier between him and the unwelcomed feelings that damn coat brought up.

* * *

About a week had passed, Dean really wasn't sure how long exactly. He didn't know how to fix Sam. He sure as hell didn't know what to do about the black goo monsters. What he did know…. A cheap bottle of whiskey does wonders for the soul.

"How are you doing, Dean?" Bobby asked when he saw Dean with yet another bottle in hand. Dean rolled his eyes up towards the older man, an obvious gesture of annoyance. "I'm fine, Bobby. Why the hell wouldn't I be?" Bobby shook his head, exasperated by Dean's complete lack of self awareness. "Maybe because you just lost the best friend you ever had, Dean."

"Best friend? Really? You think that? Are you fucking kidding me? You wanna know what I really lost, Bobby? I lost a weapon, nothing more- A freakin 'Colt with wings'. When I couldn't handle a situation, I called him - he came. End of story."

Dean poured himself another glass of whiskey, drank it down in one gulp then slammed the glass on the table, hoping that Bobby would get the point and drop the subject, but of course not. That would have been too easy. "Dean, I heard you tell him that he was like a brother to you… family. Hell, you even said 'please' at one point. Look kid, it's okay to grieve."

That was the final straw. Dean's jaw tightened and his emerald green eyes widened. "Screw you, Bobby. You were there. He was all hopped up on soul-power. What did you expect me to say? I was trying to make sure that we got out of there alive. I only said those things to keep his attention on me. I saw Sammy coming with the angel blade and I was trying to keep Cas from noticing him, hoping like hell that he would be able to stab the son of a bitch. He wasn't even human, Bobby." Dean took a long swig out of the bottle this time then looked up at Bobby with cold, hard eyes. "I know how much you and Sammy love to get it up for monsters, but I'll stick with the human race if you don't mind."

With that he stormed out of the room leaving Bobby reeling from the purposefully spiteful reference to his affair with Ellie: A cold reminder of just one of the _many_ betrayals of his so-called "best friend".

* * *

Dean was so freaking tired of the chick flick moments that it made him want to hurl. What he really needed was a good, old fashioned monster hunt. It would do him all kinds of good to grab a hold of one of the bloody freaks and tear it limb from limb.

Research really wasn't his thing, but he'd be damned if he was just going to sit around being analyzed by freaking Bobby. If he wanted to play Dr. Good-Shrink, he was more than welcome to help Sam get his marbles back in the box. Dean didn't need his crap.

After a couple of hours on-line Dean finally found the perfect case. Algonquin, Minnesota seemed to have a small pest control problem in the northern woods. Several campers and hikers had turned up missing. Tents were destroyed. All of these things were the tell-tale signs of a Wendigo attack. A slight smile appeared on his face.

He grabbed a spare bottle of whiskey from the cabinet and stormed out of the house, keys jingling in the air. "Going out…Don't bother waiting up!" he barked as Bobby and Sam watched him storm out the door.

* * *

A couple of hours had passed before Bobby ran into the kitchen, startling the already jumpy Sam who was just sitting down to dinner. "Bad news Sam, we need to figure out where your idgit brother got off to before he gets himself killed". Sam just looked at him; a forkful of salad hadn't quite made it to his mouth.

"You know him, Bobby. He's probably just off to the closest bar to find some random chick to take his frustrations out on. Not really something I wanna chase him down to see." He finally took the bite of food and went about reloading his fork with an exaggerated look of disgust on his face.

"Does he usually take a flame thrower to get laid, dumbass?" Bobby pointed to an empty shelf in the next room. "See that small circle of 'no dust'? Well, that's where my propane torch used to sit. Your brother's in no condition to even be hunting chicks, let alone hunting something nasty that requires a flame thrower to kill. Do you understand me, genius?"

Sam cursed under his breath, throwing the salad in the trash. He knew full well that when his brother decided to do something stupid, he did it big.

* * *

**I would really appreciate your reviews. I don't mind criticism, but please be nice. I'm learning as I go.**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Paradise Lost

Dean was in no mood for the usual shirt and tie routine so he decided to go with something a little different. "Hi guy! My name is Henry Whitman with the Minnesota chapter of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. I'm here to see the Sheriff." Dean beamed as he held out his right hand to the officer stuck on desk duty. The young man, obviously in the middle of his lunch break swallowed quickly, cautiously extending his hand to Dean, nonchalantly trying to cover his half eaten cheeseburger with his other. "No worries man, we stopped stoning carnivores in the 90's." Dean laughed then added in a slightly lower tone, "But really, eating dead animals is gross. You should read some of our stuff on 'green eating' - good stuff, those veggies!" _This was way too much fun to be work._

The deputy put down the receiver, looking slightly uncomfortable. "The Sheriff will be out in just a sec." The officer eyed his sandwich, choosing to type something into his computer instead. Dean found the sight hilarious. He took a seat, amused. What a douche. He would have chomped down and chewed with his mouth open just for added kicks if it were his burger sitting there getting cold. After a few quiet minutes passed, Dean started to think this was a lot like waiting in the principal's office. _Ah… The good ole days, how he missed them._

"Mr. Whitman?" Dean jumped, just a little bit startled by the deep voice booming over his thoughts. The heavyset, slightly balding man extended a hand to Dean. "How can I help you?" There was no sign of friendliness on the man's face. "Well Sheriff_… Dobbs_," Dean squinted, reading the name tag. "First, I want to ensure you that I am not here as an activist. Actually, I'm a wildlife researcher and I'm conducting a study based on animal attacks. I am hoping that my research will help put an end to the senseless killing of both humans and animals. It would help me out a great deal if you would share some of the details of the recent string of alleged animal attacks around here."

Dobbs seemed to contemplate this for a moment, sizing Dean up with a long gaze. "Well, I guess I don't see a problem with it. I'll show you what I can." Dobbs motioned towards the door to his small office. "Follow me." He turned to lead Dean into the office convinced it would be better to give this weirdo some info than risk a bunch of picket sign carrying eco-terrorists taking over his town.

After looking over everything, Dean was mostly satisfied with his original theory. There was a grand total of two hikers, four campers, and one poodle missing without a trace, all in the last week and a half. "Pretty healthy appetite for a rogue bear, don't ya think, Sheriff?" Dobbs looked up from the coffee he was making. "Sure, but we have all sorts of predators up here. You should know that, being a wildlife researcher and all. We really don't have a clue, what's getting folk. Until we find remains or a survivor, we really have no way of knowing what we're dealing with."

"Well, thanks Sheriff. I think I've seen everything I need to." Dean closed the folder, handed it to Dobbs and turned for the door. "Mr. Whitman," Dobbs called from behind. "Just some friendly advice; if you set out there, it's at your own risk. Just so you know." Sternness showed in the Sheriff's brown eyes. Dean nodded and walked out of the office. "Don't forget – salad is your friend!" He hollered over his shoulder at the young deputy at the desk whom he suspected had finished his cheeseburger in Dean's absence. He didn't wait for a reply before walking out the door.

Next stop…. Blossom's Diner… For some strange reason he had a craving for a bacon cheeseburger and some pie.

* * *

Sam sat in front of the laptop that Dean had left lying open on the cluttered desk. He scanned the internet history for any sign of where his brother was headed; clicking on the last article Dean had pulled up before he stormed out of the house the night before.

"Bingo!" Sam shouted as he read the headline to Bobby. "New Orleans, Louisiana - The fifth body has been recovered, the apparent work of a rabid animal: The brains savagely eaten from their skulls." Sam looked up at Bobby who had his eyebrows furled in an odd expression. "Don't look at me like that. Dean loves hunting zombies. This is definitely where he went." "Well, get packing then. That's one hell of a drive to blow a few zombies away." Bobby huffed. "Freakin idjit. If he wasn't half drunk - ninety percent of the time these days, I'd let him deal with them himself." "Got a problem with zombie hunting, Bobby? Not scared are ya?" Sam joked. A lot relieved that Dean was only off to hunt zombies, which were an easy kill any day of the week. "Not for nothing Sam, but I kind of had my fill of them the last time we had to deal with them. Or have you forgotten that I sort of knew a few of 'em?" "Damn, Bobby. Sorry, I forgot. I can handle it alone if you wanna sit this one out." Sam felt a little guilty about forgetting Bobby's dead wife paying him a visit to bake pie. Poor guy had to kill her a second time. Had to be tough. "Quit the pity parade jackass, and load the car." Bobby snarked, grinning a little after Sam turned away.

* * *

Dean decided to pack some extra gear just in case it did happen to be something other than a wendigo. The Sheriff was completely in the dark, but he did have a good point. No bodies, no witnesses, no real proof it was a Wendigo. Werewolves and shifters had been known to prey on hikers and campers too. The stupid, granola munching hippies did a great job making themselves easy prey for all sorts of hungry things with sharp teeth and claws. Though, they usually did leave some scraps behind to effectively frame a rogue bear or two. But here, the cradle of the Wendigo legend, these people just vanished without a trace. Something just didn't smell right.

He threw the duffle over his shoulder and headed down the trail arriving at the destroyed campsite uncomfortably close to dusk. The smallish nylon tent had been slashed top to bottom in a horizontal path. It looked like three clawed fingers had done the damage. Supplies and other personal products were thrown about. A broken GPS device lay smashed into the dirt. It looked a lot like an animal attack; until Dean took a look up into a tree. Slung over one of the lower branches, about ten feet up, was a blood covered, blue plaid sleeping bag. "I guess Yogi was having a bad day." Dean scoffed as he looked over the mess.

It took all of Bobby's training, but Dean was able to track the monster to a cave, hidden pretty well, way off the trail. Darkness had already fallen and he knew, full well, that soon hunter would become the hunted if he didn't get this done quick. For the first time since he took off, it occurred to him that this may not have been the smartest move he's ever made. The damn cave was giving him the creeps. He pulled a silver flask out of his jacket pocket and took a quick drink. "Come on Dean, quit being a little girl and get in there." He teased himself, imaging the look Sam would have shot him if he knew a little cave was scaring him…_a little_.

With propane torch in one hand and flashlight in the other, he started walking. He maybe walked for twenty feet when he felt himself flying through the air, slamming into the cold, wet cave wall. Pain erupted from his head and drops of blood ran down his face. "Son of a bitch!" Dean braced himself for another attack, seeing his only weapon lying at least fifteen feet away. When a second attack wasn't immediate, Dean felt a bit of adrenalin flow through him. He lunged himself forward, falling on the torch, rolling over onto his back preparing to fire. On top of him in an instant was the last thing he expected to see. A clawed hand slammed across his face. His vision turning blurry, then black: Dean Winchester was falling.

* * *

"Damn it Bobby, I've tried every number I got for him. He's still not answering." Sam and Bobby had driven down every road in New Orleans and checked out every motel, hotel, _and bar_ they could find, but no sign of Dean or his precious "Baby" could be found.

"Calm down, kid. We'll find him. If he's off hunting zombies, then I think we might- should hunt the zombies too. Find the zombies – find Dean. Bobby had a bad feeling about this, but kept it to himself. Why would Dean take a flame thrower to hunt a zombie? Everyone, even civvies, knew that it took a bullet to the head to take down the undead. "I'm gonna kill him when we find him, Bobby. Why the hell can't he just do 'normal crazy' instead of pulling these wacked out suicide missions?" Sam whined, slamming the steering wheel after not seeing the Impala in yet another motel parking lot. "Calm down, ya idgit. Getting your panties all in a wad ain't gonna find your brother."

Bobby doubted that Dean was even in Louisiana, let alone New Orleans. Regardless, people were dying bloody, so taking out the monsters had to become priority number one. Finding Dean would just have to wait. Damn kid was smarter than he looked. Sending them on this wild goose chase was pretty damn smart. He wondered when he should break the news to Sam.

* * *

Dean felt cool grass beneath him and warmth from the sun on his face. He could hear the distant sounds of birds, crickets, and a gentle breeze softly rustling through nearby leaves.

He opened his eyes and slowly sat up. Pulling himself to his feet, he carefully took in his surroundings. He was on the bank of a small lake, one he visited too seldom. Calm, soothing ripples danced on the water as the sun's reflection lit the water from above. He visited this place often in his dreams. It was a peaceful reprieve in a life of pain and guilt and sorrow. It made perfect sense that this would be his Heaven. Heaven? Would he still get to go to Heaven after everything that happened?

"Hello Dean." He heard as a hand fell gently on his shoulder. Dean's stomach lurched at the gravelly voice that he never expected to hear again. Dean inhaled deeply, looking down, shutting his eyes. He wanted to turn around and see his friend, the friend he lost long before he exploded into black goo below the water. As much as he searched his memory for images of 'his' Cas, all he could see were those of blood and blackness.

"Dean, Please turn around." The voice insisted. After what seemed like an eternity, Dean finally exhaled and slowly turned to face his fear. Standing well within his personal space, head slightly tilted, confused expression on his face was 'just' Castiel. _The_ Castiel that pulled him out of hell. _The_ Castiel that fought by his side. _The_ Castiel that became his friend. _The_ Castiel that he ….

"Am I dead, Cas?" It seemed like a ridiculous thing to ask considering everything that had happened, considering that they had not parted friends. Even in death he expected Castiel to have all the answers, to be able to fix anything. To never be the one who needed answers.

"No Dean. You are only having another dream. Why have you brought me here? Why do you keep bringing me into your dreams?" It was true. He did dream about Cas a lot. But never like this. It was always the same - Black goo sliding down his face, his hands. The thing inside him saying that Cas was gone, dead. Walking into the water, then exploding, leaving only that stupid coat as proof that he was ever, even there.

Dean just stood, staring into Cas' blue eyes, unable to speak. "You wanted me dead, Dean. Now I am. Why does this haunt you so much? Why do you keep dreaming of me?" Cas asked again. His tone was neither angry nor sad. It was a question born of honest confusion, confirmed by the innocent look on his face. Dean felt the blood drain from his face. Had he really wanted Cas dead? He wasn't sure he knew the answer to that. Wanting and needing are two very different things.

"You're right, I did. I wanted you to die. I wanted you to die because I'd rather you be dead than have you live as a monster. You became a monster, Cas; a monster I helped to create." Dean hoped that Cas could understand. When he found out Sam was drinking demon blood, he made the same choice with him. He would rather his brother die, than become a monster. That was the line he couldn't cross with people he… cared about.

"You are wrong, Dean." I believe that it was my father who made me, not you." He continued to look into Dean's eyes, but a trace of anger replaced the confusion. "And the only one responsible for my 'becoming a monster', as you say, is me. I can be blamed for many horrible things, but I will not be your newest excuse to drink yourself into guilt driven oblivion."

Dean took a step back, finally breaking the uncomfortable eye contact. He looked down at his hands, as if seeing the phantom blood of his angel still staining them. In a subconscious gesture he lowered his hands and wiped them on his denim pants, slowly turning his back to Castiel. Staring into the water in front of him he pursed his lips and inhaled. "Cas, I convinced you to turn your back on everything you knew, everything you were. I did everything I could to corrupt you, make you more human. I could see that it was breaking you apart, but I didn't care. I needed your help, I needed you."

Dean turned back around and took a step closer to the Angel, looking down. "You were right. You did anything I asked. You came every time I called. The one time that you asked me to stand by your side, I refused." Dean finally looked the angel in his eyes. "Tell me that the end would have been the same if I had not turned my back on you, had I not abandoned you, had I not become your enemy."

"No, Dean. I can't say that because I don't know. Regardless, it's not of import anymore. What's done is done. We both made choices, bad ones. Now we live, _or die_, with the consequences. What we don't do is abandon the people that love us and get ourselves killed in some stupid suicide stunt and leave our family to clean up our messes alone."

"Cas, I'm…" Dean took a step forward, but it was too late, Castiel was gone…. again.

* * *

Dean suddenly felt the world falling away from him again. The lake, shore, even the birds were drifting away. As fast as the dream world ended, the real world slowly took shape around him. The pain in his head _and gut_ were all the proof he needed that he was home. As the world slowly refocused, the only thing he could see were a pair of bright, blue eyes looking down at him. For just a moment the pain in his gut was gone. A soft, moist cloth gently brushed over his face, the stinging sensation almost felt good. "Cas." He sighed, reaching a hand up to touch the face that was wearing those eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Reality Bites

"Hey, slow down there tiger." Dean felt his hand being gently pushed away. "You have a pretty bad bump on your head." Reality slowly hit, shortly followed by a wave of embarrassment. "I um, what the hell? Where am I? Who…" He stopped, all words lost as he saw the person sitting next to him. Blue eyes, clear as the sky set in perfect porcelain, ivory skin. The darkest brown curls framed the almost too perfect features. "So beautiful", Dean's voice was a whisper. He was unable to look away from those eyes, eyes that seemed to pull at his insides.

Soft pink lips smiled down at him. "Semi-conscious and still with a pick up line. Good to know some things are still in working order." She laughed. "I'm Kristie, by the way. I happened to notice your gear on the ground by that cave and found you unconscious inside. You're pretty heavy, by the way." She joked, gently cleaning the scrapes on Dean's hand. "What the heck were you doing in there anyway? You could have been killed; mother bears are very protective of their cubs."

Huh? What…cubs?" Finally the fog in his head started to clear. "We have to get out of here right now." Dean sat up, breaking her hold on him. "I didn't get it and it will be out hunting again soon. The sun is about to go down. I can't protect you like this." Panic and adrenaline weren't enough to hold off the overwhelming dizziness and swimming sensation in his head.

"You have to calm down. Nothing is going to get us, I promise. We're far enough away from the den to be safe. It's a long, tough hike back and it's about to get dark. You just aren't up for it and I can't carry you." Kristie tried to keep Dean calm, seeing just how panicked he'd become. "You're cut up pretty bad. Let's just get you cleaned up and these cuts covered, then we can figure out what to do next. Okay?"

"Look, I don't have time to explain, but there's a monster out here called a wendigo. It's not gonna care that you think I'm nuts. We have to leave now." Dean watched as her expression went from one of concern to one of fear. There were rare occasions that his gift of scaring the crap out of people came in handy.

"You're name's Dean, right?" She waited for him to nod, a note of distrust crossing his face. "How the hell do you know my name?" He knew that he had no identification on him. "Who are you?" "Calm down, I redialed the last number in your cell phone, trying to let someone know you were hurt. All I got was a very unclear 'Dean…Dean…Where are you?' The other person couldn't seem to hear anything I was trying to say. Reception is iffy out here on a good day." She continued" I lost the connection, but the guy sounded worried." She handed him the phone, sensing that Dean still didn't believe her story. "Check the call log if you don't believe me. I don't care what your name is. I just want to get you out of here and to a hospital. But right now, you're not in any condition to make the hike."

She looked straight at him and slightly tilted her head, speaking calmly "And there isn't any wendigo out here Dean. You were attacked by a bear. The only reason that you are still breathing is because she thought you were dead. Besides, there hasn't been any wendigo in these woods for over a century." She placed her hand firmly on his shoulder, her voice taking on a soothing tone. A mixture of warmth and calm suddenly came over him. "Now please let me get the dirt out of these cuts before you get an infection." The soothing tone of her voice and pleasant feel of her touch convinced him to submit to her care. Every touch sent warm waves of electricity through him. Even if he could get up and leave, he didn't think he would. Only one thought passed through his mind as he drifted off to sleep: _My Angel_.

* * *

"Any luck tracking that call?" Bobby was becoming more concerned about Dean's well being the more time went by. The dropped call didn't help his bad feelings any. "Yeah, you ready for this?" Sam asked, a frustrated look on his face, one that Bobby though might just become permanent as often as he'd seen it lately. "Just spill it, Sam. Where is he?" "He's in Northern Minnesota. Bobby, we're still about two days out. What the hell? If something's happened…" Sam hit the steering wheel, trying to take his frustration out on the car with little effect. "Sam, just concentrate on the road. Dean will be fine, he always is. He makes us crazy with worry then turns up shacked up in some hotel with some strange chick." Bobby didn't want to let Sam know just how worried he actually was. His gut was doing cart wheels.

"You know Bobby; we left a mess of zombie activity down there. People are dying bloody and we just up and drove away." Only Sam would find another problem when there were already way too many problems to deal with. "I got a call in to some hunters I know in the area. I'm just waiting for the call back. They're out tracking a rugaroo in Georgia, said they'd give me a holler when they got done. Stop worrying about everything Sam. The monsters will get ganked, but this time family comes first."

* * *

"Feeling any better?" Kristie asked as Dean slowly sat up, rubbing his eyes. "Yeah actually. How long was I out?" His voice was harsh and grumbly, having been asleep for so long. "Not long at all actually: Only about ten hours. You hungry? I have granola, trail mix and beef jerky. Five star, I know." Dean wasn't really a fruit and nut kind of guy, but his stomach was growling. He took the bag of granola thinking that he had finally reached a new low in his life.

"Thank you…for everything, really. You saved my ass out there and I don't really know how or why." He was sober enough to realize the full extent of what happened and suddenly felt like a complete idiot. A girl had to save his ass. "Just, thanks okay." "It was no big deal. I'm sure you would have done the same if it were me in there." She sat down next to him, giving him a soft smile. "It's okay to let someone else save you every once in a while."

He looked at her, the way the morning sunlight made her eyes seem even bluer, the way her hair fell perfectly over her face. The way she smelled. "How long have you been out here?" "This is my third day. I'll be headed home today after I get you back to the trail head." Dean gave her a questioning glance. "Not to offend, but for someone who's been in the woods for three days, you seem kind of clean and fresh. You smell sort of like…"

Kristie laughed. "I'm happy to know that my smell doesn't offend you. There's a fresh water stream a few yards north. It's great for baths. You do know that most hikers don't actually turn into Sasquatch out here."

"…like someone I used to know. That's what I was gonna say." Dean looked away. The memories that he came out here to escape just seemed to keep returning. This girl in front of him was so much like him, yet so very different.

"You mean, like Cas?" She saw Dean's expression change to something that almost resembled fear. "Don't look at me like that. You called me 'Cas' when you woke up and it seemed like you were … I just assumed that must be who I remind you of." She finished, a little sorry she brought it up by the odd look he gave her.

"He was a friend." He told her plainly. The last word almost stuck in his throat a little. He really didn't know for sure if that was true. "He?, oh…" Kristie raised her eyebrows and gave him an amused half grin. "What? What's the 'oh' and smirk for?" Dean asked with a defensive tone. "Well, I could be over-looking but, after you called me 'Cas', you kind of caressed my face and tried to kiss me. I'm just a little surprised; I really didn't get a gay vibe from you." She was trying to put it as nicely as possible seeing him start to fidget a little.

"Yeah, sorry about that. It's kind of complicated. He looked down and started rubbing the back of his neck, wondering how much he should say. "I really can't say that it is a 'gay thing'. Anyway, I'm not gay. It's just these damn dreams. He's standing there and I can't think of anything else but feeling him, touching his face, holding his hand even, trying to tell him something. So I reach out to him, but as soon as I do, I wake up. I really don't understand." Dean was completely shocked by how easily he spilled this embarrassing secret to her. He was even more surprised that he even admitted it to himself.

"It's not complicated. I think you know that. A dream is nothing mysterious or magical, Dean. It's simply your soul's way to tell your brain what it needs. It may seem odd or crazy, but that's only because your conscious mind may not be able to deal with it yet." She saw that he was getting more embarrassed by the minute, his cheeks flushed. "Why are you embarrassed? You're only human, Dean. There are some things that you just can't control. Dreams are one of those things." She paused to get him to look up at her. "The only question is: What are you going to do about it?"

"Honestly, there's nothing I can do about it. He was my friend, he betrayed me, lied to me, used me, almost killed my brother…then he died. Like I said, complicated." He saw the look of confusion on her face and tried to explain something he barely understood. "When I woke up from that damn dream, I saw you there. You… well, you're a lot like him." She gave him a disapproving look. "Gee, thanks. He sounds delightful."

"No, I mean, your eyes, they're the same color and have the same… I don't really know how to say it." He stopped, searching for the right words to explain. "Your hair color, skin tone, the way you talk, tilt your head. Even the way your touch feels. Dean leaned in, his lips softly brushing hers. "You should stop Dean." She pushed him back hoping that he wouldn't be hurt by her refusal. "Look, I'm not him. You're very cute and I like you, but look me up when you don't have a possible concussion, okay. I can't be his fill in, no matter how much you may want me to." She stood up, starting to gather some of her gear. "I think that maybe you're up to the hike back now. Help me get this gear together so we can hit the trail. It's about a five hour hike from here, so we should get going."

"Hey, sorry. I didn't mean to …" "You didn't." She interrupted before he could finish. "It's fine. I just don't think now's the time." She gave him a wink and continued to pack up. "Let me ask you something. You didn't freak out when I said there was a wendigo out here: Why?" She slung the heavy pack over her shoulders, walking ahead. "Well, I'm from around here. I know the legends, everyone does. They actually teach it in schools as part of history class. There was a time when wendigo hunting was something people actually did without pretense." She stopped to wait for him to catch up. "Secondly, I happen to be one of the lucky few that have the honor of knowing what nightmares really lurk in the shadows. I know monsters are real."

"Well then, why are you so sure it's not a Wendigo? All the signs point in that direction. Are you a hunter?" Kristie answered with a laugh. No, not a hunter, but I did come out here to be sure. There are wards surrounding this entire location. I came out here to make sure they are still in place, which they are. It's not a wendigo. My best guess is that we're dealing with something much worse." Dean waited, but when it appeared she wasn't going to elaborate he stopped walking. "Okay, I'll bite. What do you think it is?" She stopped, turned and smiled at him then continued down the trail. "Human".

Trying not to touch on the fact that she just implied that humans were worse than monsters, he continued his questions. "If you're not a hunter, what were you planning to do if it had turned out to be a wendigo? I didn't see any weapons with your gear. Aren't you taking a big chance being out here alone?" "Well, I'm not the one who got knocked out and clawed apart, now am I? Your weapons didn't do you much good in there. Guns aren't the only way to stay safe, Dean." She stopped and turned to him. "The one thing I wouldn't have done was gone after it alone, half drunk. That is, unless I was trying to get myself killed."

Dean hated it when people made good points he couldn't counter. "Look, I know it was stupid, okay. I don't need a lecture. Trust me, there will be one waiting for me when I get home." "Good, you deserve it." She smiled and walked ahead of him again. The whole _'two steps behind thing'_ was getting old real fast. "Kristie. Look I can't leave without being sure there isn't my kind of problem out here. Any way I can convince you to take a detour to the second campsite that was abandoned?"

* * *

"Joshua, why am I here?" Castiel looked around the garden, waiting for the Guards of Heaven to come arrest him or worse. "I know the sentence for my crime, Joshua. I will not fight. There is no need for trickery." He knew that Heaven's court was not held in the garden. It was reserved for human souls alone.

"Yes, you have committed the most egregious crime of all. You put yourself above God. For that there is a very severe punishment. But sometimes death is not always the proper penance. Our father is most unhappy, Castiel. But he is merciful none the less. Apparently he has a soft spot for you." Joshua's words weren't angry. Instead they were calm and sorrowful.

Castiel didn't want sorrow or pity. His guilt was tearing him apart. He wanted the death that would finally end the torment that he felt. Better yet, it would end the _'feeling'_ altogether. He longed to go back to the days when sorrow and happiness, love and fear were just human words that he didn't understand. Everything was so simple. Now everything was ruined. "I don't want his mercy. Where was his mercy when I begged for his help, when I pleaded for his guidance? Where was his mercy when I nearly destroyed the world because he was too busy to be bothered? It wasn't his problem then. Why make it his problem now when it's too late?"

"He was there Castiel. It was you that were led astray. Just because you were too blind to see all the signs you were given doesn't mean that they weren't provided to you. Our father works in mysterious ways, Castiel." Castiel looked the other way, trying to hide the smirk on his face. For the first time he understood exactly why Dean had threatened to 'kick his ass' when he, himself had used that line years ago. "You smirk, still full of anger and pride, but Castiel, your actions have grave consequences. You are no longer welcome in Heaven. You are to return to Earth and clean up your mess. Only when every bit of damage you caused has been corrected, can you return home." Joshua's words were harsh this time, almost angry but not quite.

"How can I possibly…" Joshua cut him off before he could argue further. "That's not all, Castiel. There are some conditions attached. First…"

* * *

**Notes: Thanks for reading. I hope you're enjoying the story so far. I have to disagree with Chuck. I think beginnings are hard. Endings just seem to get there on their own, but setting everything up to tell a good story, that's tough.**

**Thanks to everyone who has left a review. I really appreciate it. Please, please, please tell me more. I need to know what you like or don't like so I can do better in future chapters. Feedback makes me happy!**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Genesis

"Okay, Bruce, Derrick, and Claude are headed down there. They're a little too happy to take over for us. I can't understand why everyone seems so damned thrilled to gank zombies. Whatever, at least they're on the way. That's one thing taken care of." Bobby put the phone back in the glove box and rubbed his eyes. "I don't get it Bobby. Dean just takes off for Minnesota, no explanation. What the hell is up with him lately?" Sam could tell that Bobby was worried too, but this was different from Deans other stunts. He needed his brother right now to help him wade through all this crazy crap in his head. He was starting to think that he really was all alone out here. Even when Dean was with him, he really wasn't with him. The last time he could recall Dean being Dean was before they lost Castiel.

"Maybe he just wanted some alone time, Sam. The kid's been through a hell of a lot and I doubt we know the half of it. Quit whining and just get there. Step on it a little, would you? My grandma drives faster and she's been dead for thirty years." Sam pressed the gas pedal. He knew Bobby didn't really mean any harm. But it did mean that Bobby was worried too.

Sam felt his phone vibrate and looked down at the caller id. "Bobby, it's Dean." "Well, answer it then." "Dean, what the hell? Where are you?" He was so glad to hear the voice on the other end that he felt a weight lift off him. "Settle down, mom. I'm in a town called, Algonquin Minnesota. We have a shifter running around here. Found some of that melted skin crap at one of the crime scenes. The body count's pretty high and I'm not exactly 100% right now. I could use some help here."

"What do you mean; you're not 100%? What happened?" Sam seemed to ignore the whole shifter issue completely. "I just went after a wendigo, or at least what I thought was a wendigo…" Sam interrupted, "Alone? What the hell's wrong with you? How bad did it hurt you?" Sam could tell Dean was rolling his eyes on the other end. "It didn't touch me because there was no wendigo. Turns out I pissed off a mommy bear." "A bear?" Sam laughed a little. If I wasn't so pissed right now, I'd…. How bad are you hurt?"

"Yeah, I know Sam, you'd rag me until I kicked you ass. Just a few cuts and bruises. I've had worse. I'm just not really up to hunting a shifter on my own though. How fast can you be here?"

"Well since you sent us on a wild goose chase to Louisiana, it's gonna be a while. We traced the first call you made so we're only a few hours out." Sam had decided to stop being too mad at his brother until he saw how bad he was hurt. If Dean was willing to wait for back up, he must be hurt pretty bad. "Where are you staying?" Dean pulled a key out of his pocket and read the tag. "Sam, I didn't send you to Louisiana, why would I do that? Why would you think I would do that? Oh never mind, I don't care, just get here. I'm staying at the Homeward Bound Motel, room 17. Drive safe Samantha." Dean hung up the phone, not giving Sam a chance for a witty comeback.

* * *

"Your friends are on the way?" Kristie could tell that Dean was feeling better about calling Sam now. "Yeah, but they're a few hours away, said I sent them to Louisiana." Dean wondered why Sam would say that, he had done no such thing. "Look, since you're not going to go to the hospital, why don't you come to my place till they get here. That motel you mentioned is a dump. You'd probably get an infection just stepping in the front door. You can get showered and cleaned up there if you want. I have a better stocked first aid kit at home and can dress those cuts a little better."

Dean liked the way she seemed to want to take care of him and make him all better. After so many years of taking care of everyone else it was kind of nice actually. "So, you like a doctor or something when you're not out in the woods munching on granola?" She smiled and shook her head. "No, I'm not a doctor. I don't have the discipline for all that school. I have a Masters in psychology. " Dean grinned. "So, you're a shrink. No wonder you took an interest in me, most people say I'm nine kinds of crazy." She laughed. "Maybe, but I've met worse. I don't shrink heads. I have a small personal practice and consider myself an advisor. I let people talk and I listen. Sometimes that's all the therapy that they need." He knew she must be good at her job because she sure got him to open up and damn if he didn't feel a little better. Weird, maybe Sammy was right all along about this 'talking' thing.

"I think going to your place and getting cleaned up is a wonderful plan. And Kris, thanks again… for all of it. Please don't tell Sammy, but I don't really want to be alone right now." She smiled at him. "Not a problem. I get it, alone is not a good place to be. Let's go, I'm starving for something more than granola."

* * *

"What, you live in the woods?" Dean followed the winding path that just seemed to lead farther and farther into the dense forest. "Yeah, I guess I do. My husband knew how much I loved it out here so he built me a house right in the middle of it. Of course, I think he actually did it to keep me from leaving so often on hiking trips." They pulled up to the two story 'cabin' that was almost completely hidden from view. The entire exterior was made up of glass, providing an unobstructed view of the natural world it was nestled in.

"So, you're married?" Dean looked down at her hand, but there was no sign of a wedding ring or the pale mark that was left when one was taken off. Kristie lowered her eyes to the hand Dean was looking at, missing the feel of the ring she once did wear. "Not any more. He was killed by a werewolf. That's how I found out about monsters."

Dean was immediately sorry that he brought it up. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring up bad memories." "Don't be. It was a long time ago. I'll tell you the whole story after you get cleaned up." She opened the door and put her gear down, showing him in. "I'll put on some coffee while you're in the shower. It's the second door on the left once you get to the top of the stairs. There are already fresh towels in there. Oh, don't forget to call your brother and tell him how to get here." He started up the polished pine stairs, a little worried that the shower would have a full view of the outside too (and vice versa).

* * *

"Looks like they have at least seven victims in less than two weeks. That's one hell of a killing spree for your average shifter." Bobby read the local reports about the disappearances on his new tablet that he hated with a passion. Computers should have buttons, but at least this piece of crap was portable. "I can see why Dean thought he was after a wendigo. All signs point there. Hell, I would have thought it was one too."

"Dean said they found a pile of that melted skin crap near the last crime scene. I admit, he's been a little off his game lately, but I'm sure he knows shifter shit when he sees it." From what Bobby had told him about the case, Sam wasn't quite as sure as he was putting on. "Bobby, I can't quite put my finger on it, but I have a bad feeling about all of this, like something just isn't right. Not about it being a shifter, but something else."

"I don't doubt Dean's hunting abilities, I'm sure he knows what he's talking about. Shifter's usually don't kill that fast, is all I'm saying. I don't feel right about all this either, Sam." He turned the tablet off and rubbed his eyes again. "What I'm bothered most about is that zombie article. How did it get in the internet history if Dean never looked at it? I didn't."

"I don't know. It's almost like someone or thing didn't want us to find him, at least not right away." Sam just shook his head. There was always some 'bigger picture' to deal with. Nothing was ever simple. "At least Dean seems to be a little back to his old self. Managed to pick up a chick at a bear attack. He sounded a lot more sober than usual too."

* * *

"Smells good out here." Dean walked into the kitchen, freshly cleaned, sniffing the air. "The very first thing that I do when I get home from a trip is to engorge myself in a lot of 'real' food." Dean took a long look at the counter, mouth watering. "We have scrambled eggs and bacon for breakfast, some cheeseburgers and fries for lunch, and blueberry pie for dessert. We have a lot of meals to make up for." Dean looked over at her as she pulled a pan of fresh rolls out of the oven, an amused grin on his face. "Not a vegetarian are you?" She joked.

"No, but I sort of thought you might be." She gave him a questioning look. "Why would you think that?" He gave her a slow look down then back up, one eyebrow slightly raised. "Just wondering how you look like that, if you eat like this." She laughed and turned away, picking up a couple of plates. "Hiking burns a lot of calories, Dean. Go sit down, I'll bring the food over to the table."

Dean sat down and Kris put plates of food on the table in front of him. "He pulled out his silver flask and put it to his mouth, but before the first drop could reach his tongue, it was taken out of his hand. "You're choice: Booze or pie?" She playfully waved the pie under his nose, pulling it away when he reached for it. He gave her a quick smirk and pulled the pie out of her hand. "Fine, but then I don't share."

"So, tell me about your husband." He didn't want to bring up bad memories, but for some strange reason, he was uncharacteristically curious about the woman. "There's not much to tell, actually. I came home one night to find what I thought was a human crouched over my husband, who was lying on the floor." She took a sip of her tea, and continued. "It looked up and turned to me and I saw it's face, blood stained with parts of my husband hanging from its mouth. It was still chewing."

"So, how did you get away?" He asked, wondering how she could take another bite of food after that last sentence. "I don't know. I blacked out and woke up in the hospital. I had been pregnant, but I lost the baby." Her tone was so 'matter-of-fact' that Dean was momentarily at a loss for words. "That's a lot of loss to deal with all at once. Had to take a lot of strength to deal with it."

"No, I was anything but strong." She ran her fingers over the flask she had taken from Dean. "I just figured that I had two choices: I could lose myself in a bottle of whiskey and stew in my own misery, or I could figure out what took my family from me and tear the thing apart." She stopped for a moment, taking her hand away from the flask. "It really didn't seem like a hard choice at the time. I was consumed with rage. All I came to care about was getting my revenge."

"Experience has told me that revenge is just as dangerous as alcoholism. The whiskey, it does a good job of keeping all the crap pushed down where it doesn't hurt anymore." He had seen firsthand how the need for revenge can be blinding and destructive. "But, it doesn't last forever. At least revenge has an end when you put a silver bullet in some monster's skull." She picked up a napkin and wiped the crumbs from her mouth.

"Wow sweetheart, not that I blame you, but you do have a dark side." He was a little impressed, actually. She had seemed so 'peace and lovish' that hearing the coldness in her voice made her finally seem human. "We all have a dark side, Dean. It's nothing to be ashamed of or even try to hide. After it was dead I could finally start to heal, move on. Before that, the drive and need for revenge kept me going, helped me survive."

Dean wasn't ready to let this go yet. It was fascinating him. Everything she said made him want to hear more. "So, you took on a werewolf and survived?" "Not exactly. I'm a 110lb girl with no combat or even self-defense training. I had help from some people I met while I was still trying to figure it all out." She took a forkful of the pie in front of Dean. "But I was the one who put the bullet in its head."

"So now you help hunters?" He moved the pie between the two of them, figuring it would be okay to share after all. "Not exactly, I just keep up with what's going on. If something gets too close, I call in some guns. I've lived in this area my whole life. I won't let some monster make this place their buffet, at least not for long." Dean nodded. "So, you're the town look-out?" She just shrugged "I guess you could call it that. But I want to help with this hunt. I know the area and would come in handy as back up. I want to help find this shifter, Dean." He didn't see a problem with it. "Yeah, sure. No problem."

* * *

The sound of the doorbell broke the tension that had quickly filled the room. Kris jumped up and opened the door. "Hi. You must be Sam. Nice to meet you, I'm Kristie." She held out her hand, but Sam just stood there staring, looking very pale. "Seriously, you look like you've just seen a ghost. You okay?" She was suddenly concerned. Bobby stepped forward, pushing him out of the way, taking Kristie's hand. "You'll have to excuse him; he has a chronic case of dumb ass." Sam finally seemed to snap out of it and spoke up. "Yeah, sorry, it's just been a really long drive. I'm kind of exhausted." He shook her hand. "Nice to meet you too. And thanks for saving my shit-for-brains, brother over there."

"Hey ! Be nice. You know you'll miss my sweet ass when I finally do buy it." Dean hollered, still sitting at the table, eating pie. "I should kick your ass, boy! What the hell were you thinking?" Bobby stormed over to Dean, shoving his chair hard enough to cause Dean to drop his fork. "I wasn't thinking, Bobby. Sorry I worried you, just wanted to blow off some steam. Won't happen again, lesson learned." He turned his head so Bobby could see the claw marks that scarred his face. "Really."

"Dude, Yogi totally kicked your ass. Or was it Boo Boo?" Sam teased, trying to lighten the mood. "Shut up, Sam!" Dean shot him an annoyed look. "If you guys are hungry, there's plenty of food left. I can heat it up for you. I'm sure road food can be as crappy as camp food."  
Kristie wanted to defuse the fighting before it happened. "You guys want some coffee?"

Sam and Bobby accepted the coffee, but graciously declined the offered food. "Thanks, but we got some crappy drive through, just a couple miles back. Couldn't eat another bite. The four moved to the brightly lit living room where Dean and Kris filled them in on everything that happened, at least the parts that they needed to know.

"Well kids, this has been nice, but I think we need to get going back to the room and grab a little shut eye. It's getting late and we should probably talk to the authorities in the morning. "Um, about that… When you talk to them, you might want to pretend that you don't know me." Dean stuck his hands in his pockets and gave Bobby a not-too innocent grin. "Why? What the hell did you do?"

Dean shifted, knowing Sam was gonna rag the hell out of him. "I might have, sort of, let them think I might work with PETA." He said the last word as quietly as he could, hoping Sam didn't hear. "Did you just say PETA, son? Hell, no wonder they let you walk right into a bear's den." Dean shot Sam a cold look when he started laughing so hard he snorted a little. Dean turned back to Bobby, trying not to throw something at Sam. "That was kind of the idea, Bobby. I figured they'd just let me head out there and leave me alone." Dean was a little discomforted by the look on Bobby's face and added in a too high pitched voice, "Don't judge me!"

Bobby thought about it a minute, holding back the urge to laugh, himself. "We'll just tell 'em that we sent you up first, undercover. That we got some bad info that local law enforcement might have been involved in a cover up. We'll tell 'em that your findings didn't support that and apologize for the mistrust." Dean looked impressed. "Wow, just when I start wondering why we keep you around, you pull something like that out of your ass. You're awesome, Bobby!" Dean shot him a quick wink and gave him a huge grin.

"Now get out of here, get some rest." Dean threw him the motel key and ushered him to the door. "You too Sam… go recover from that long drive you just had." "Aren't you coming?" Sam gave him a look that was a mixture of annoyance and confusion. "Later, just go. I'm a big boy, Sam. Think I can find my way back to the motel without holding your hand." Dean pushed them out, and then shut the door, successfully closing them out."

"I didn't think they'd ever leave." Dean looked over at Kristie and walked over, putting his arms around her. "I really don't think I have a concussion." She pushed back just enough to give him a calm, knowing smile. "No, I don't think you do." He pressed his lips to hers and this time, she didn't push him away.

* * *

"No, Joshua. I accept everything else, but please, not that too." Castiel was told the list of things that he was to do to gain repentance, and though difficult, they were 'more than generous, considering he believed that death would have been his final judgment.

"Yes Castiel, that too. God knows that this part will be most difficult, I think that is the whole point." Again Joshua's tone was calm and sympathetic. "Penance is not meant to be easy, Castiel. They are in terrible peril because of the evil that you released into their world. You will protect them, Castiel."

"Yes, of course, but I can do that from afar. Joshua, I don't belong in their world. I can't be a part of their lives anymore. I have hurt them enough. I can protect them without letting them know I'm there." Castiel begged. Dean thought he was dead and could finally move past all the hurt that he had caused. He couldn't walk back into his life now.

"Now Castiel, that just wouldn't have the same effect; would it? You have one day to make contact. If you fail to obey any of your orders, the consequences will be far worse than your death." The words rang in Castiel's ears. "This isn't fair. Not just to me, but to him too. He has sacrificed so much, lost so much. Why do this to him?"

"You sound like a spoiled child, Castiel. You think you have the right to question God's will? Has this mess taught you nothing?" Joshua shook his head in disapproval, but added, "Perhaps our father thinks he has room for penance as well, I do not know. These are the rules, Castiel. I do not make them. After all, I am just a simple gardener." Joshua turned back around, shearing the nearest plant, as though the conversation never happened.

In a flash of light, the garden was replaced by a dimly lit living room. About ten feet away, Dean Winchester sat with his arms around some woman. _And they say that heaven doesn't have a sense of humor._

* * *

Kristie looked up, seeing the rather grim looking angel appear. She pulled Dean's head up to whisper in his ear. "Fuck me now, Dean." She let her lips glide over his earlobe, sending small drops of electricity racing through him. That was all the encouragement he needed as he pulled her shirt off, shoving her back on the soft cushions, his mouth greedily tasting her porcelain skin.

In a blink, the angel fled. The sound of fluttering wings disappearing into the night. "That's right, fly away little birdie." Kristie smiled, running her fingers through Dean's short hair. "Let the games begin."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Kristie suddenly cupped Dean's chin in her hand. "Dean, stop. Look at me." , pushing him into a sitting position. He felt a warn pulse flow through him, numbing his head, making him unable to disobey. "Look at me Dean. Listen to my voice. Hear what I say and know it is truth." His head felt heavy, like her touch was the only thing keeping it steady. He fought the dizzying fog. "What did you do to me? Who are you?"

"I'm whoever you want me to be, Dean." She moved her hand down his neck, to his chest, leaving a trail of electricity. "Whatever you need, I can give it to you. I know what's inside you, Dean. All the pain, I can take it away." She moved her hand back to his face. "Look into my eyes, Dean. Who do you see when you look into my eyes?"

"Cas, I see Cas." He spoke as if in a trance, unable to look away from her, he simply submitted.

"That's right, Dean. You're doing great, don't be afraid." She moved her hand to send more warmth through his body. "You hide so much of yourself, Dean. You don't have to do that anymore. All you have to do is just let go. Everyone that hurt you, left you, betrayed you. Your mom, Azazael, your dad, Alastair, Sam…." She finally broke the eye contact, placing her lips over his. "Castiel."

* * *

Sam turned to grab a bottle of water, nearly falling over Castiel who was entirely too close. Taking a step back, he realized that Dean wasn't kidding about the personal space issue. "Cas, you're alive." "You have a knack for stating the obvious, Sam." Sam had almost forgotten how short Cas could be at times. "Well what…What happened? We all thought you were dead?" He looked at Cas, "You know, you look kind of weird and small without your coat."

"I'm not here for fashion advice, Sam. I have to work with you to destroy the leviathans and fix what I did, and then I can go home. It's my penance." Sam was starting to take offence to Cas' attitude, considering everything. "Straight to the point then. So heaven is forcing you to clean up your mess and you're pissed? Look man, don't take it out on me." "I have no problem cleaning up my mess, Sam. I just don't want to involve you. I hurt you all enough already. I destroy everything. I'll just destroy this too." Cas stepped back and leaned against the small motel sink, looking miserable.

"Well, I'm glad to see you anyway. I know that you were only trying to help. We all know that, Cas. Dean will be happy to see you too. He hasn't been the same since…" Castiel cut him off, not wanting to hear little white lies about how much Dean cared. "Dean does not seem to be suffering too much. He is…enjoying himself right now." Sam was a little shocked at the underlying anger in Cas' tone. "How do you know where Dean is?" "Joshua dropped me off with him. He was having relations with some woman on a couch."

"Got some brain bleach in my duffle bag if you need it, Cas. I know I would." Bobby chimed in from the other room. "Bleaching your brain does not sound safe, Bobby. Why would I do that?" Bobby rolled his eyes. "Good to have ya back, Cas. I was really starting to miss that whole literal thing you have going for ya."

"Uh Cas, did you happen to notice anything strange about that girl Dean was with tonight?" Sam figured that if Cas saw her, he must have been as weirded out by the similarities as he was. "I did not stay long enough to notice anything about her at all. Why? Do you not approve of her?" Sam shook his head. "No, well, it's just, I'm sure it's nothing." Sam and Bobby exchanged an uncomfortable look.

"Is something going on that I should know about?" Cas was curious now. "No Cas, you probably wouldn't…" He decided that it was best to leave this for another time. "I wouldn't what, Sam?" "Look, it's nothing. Just forget about it, okay." Sam knew Castiel wouldn't understand the implications.

"Dean will be back soon. Let's just sit down, maybe have a beer and catch up. When Dean gets here we can decide what we're gonna do next." Sam handed Cas a bottle of beer and took a seat at the small table. Cas reluctantly took the seat across from him. "I don't see why we need to wait for him. We can go kill the leviathans without him. Bobby can take care of him while you're gone." Sam just nodded his head and gave a laugh, nearly spitting a mouth full of beer. "Really Cas, I'm sure that you would make a great hunting partner and all, but I don't think that you and me hitting the road without Dean would satisfy the terms of your penance. That is what you called it, right?" Although he found the fact that Castiel thought Dean needed a babysitter pretty funny, he sure as hell wasn't going road tripping with him. "I could be wrong, but I think the whole point is for you to make things right with Dean too."

Castiel looked off to the side and took a deep breath. "No, he is being punished too." Sam was pretty shocked by that statement. "What? Why would Dean deserve to be punished?" Do you really think that I would still be here if I actually had all the answers, Sam?" He looked at Sam as if waiting for an answer. "I have no idea, Sam. He did nothing wrong that I know of. That is just what I was told. 'God thinks that he needs penance also'. Sometimes I don't understand heaven and better than I understand humans." Sam had to laugh a little at that. If he ever found something rooted in emotion that Cas did understand, he might faint.

"I don't want to be here and I am certain that Dean won't want me here either. I don't know what to do, though. I have to at least try to fix what I can." A part of Sam knew that Dean probably would be a bitch about the whole thing, but not for the reasons that Castiel thought. "Then just do what you do best, follow your orders." Sam didn't mean it as an insult, but Castiel looked liked he'd been hit in the gut. "Sorry, Cas. I wasn't…"

Castiel suddenly disappeared then reappeared directly in front of him placing two fingers on his head. Sam jumped, remembering what happened the last time Cas touched him like that. Panic raced through him. "What the hell, Cas?" Cas tilted his head to the side, wondering why Sam was scared of him all of a sudden. "Lucifer should be gone now. I repaired the wall. Unfortunately, you'll still remember everything, but at least now it won't kill you. I am sorry, Sam. I should have never hurt you."

Sam recovered his composure enough to speak. "Uh, thanks Cas." Sam could still see the misery on Cas' face and it was making him feel as though he should at least say something to make him feel better. "Look, I get it. The weight of the world was on you, literally. You thought it was the only way and no one could convince you otherwise, no matter how much your gut kept telling you it was wrong. You had to do it. I know, I've been there." Cas appreciated Sam's words, but they really didn't make him feel any better. "But Dean hasn't…been there." "No Cas, he hasn't, but he'll forgive you. Look how much he had to forgive me for."

"Sam, you're his brother, his blood. I'm just another supernatural creature that he wound up having to hunt. It's different." Sam gave him a sympathetic grin. "Really? Because that's a pretty good description of what he called me not too long ago: _'just another filthy thing that he had to hunt'_- his words. Cas, you haven't been here to see how he's been acting. He drinks for the record, he's moody and snappy. He just ran off on some crazy kamikaze wendigo hunt, that's why we're here. He got banged up pretty bad." Sam hoped that all this was getting through, but he doubted it. Cas could be pretty dense for someone so intelligent. "Just in case you've forgotten, he refused to stand behind my play as well. It's not really about blood. It's about control and his addiction to it."

"When he isn't in control of a situation, he loses it. He says things that are cruel, but he doesn't mean them, not really. The things he said to me back then, they hurt. He actually did a good job of making me even more determined to follow through, less likely to back down. You know what the worst part is?" Cas was growing tired of this conversation. He knew Sam meant well, but talk was not going to fix anything. "It all seems pretty bad to me, Sam." Sam gave a small chuckle. "Yeah, it really was, but the worst part was that he was right…both times. If we had listened to him, none of it would have happened." "You know, you're not making me feel any better about this." Castiel finally took a drink of the beer, slightly warm by now.

"Cas, when Bobby and I suspected you, we couldn't convince him that it was true. He never defended me that way. Yeah, he forgave me pretty quickly, but only because he never really had faith in me in the first place. You, well he believed in you, whole heartily." Saying the words out loud hurt Sam a little, even though he knew they were true. Maybe if Dean had shown a little faith in him, things would have been different.

When Cas still didn't respond, Sam continued. "It's not really anger he feels. It's hurt. We both let him down. He can deal with just about any monster that comes his way, but when it comes to his feelings, he's like a little kid. He runs and hides."

* * *

"Dean, Castiel doesn't want to be with you. He can and will leave you as soon as he's able." Kristie placed small kissed down Dean's neck while he sat there still, in silence. "He's an angel Dean. What would he ever see in someone like you?" More electricity moved through him as she slid her tongue over his lips. "You can make him stay, Dean. There's a way. All you have to do is trust me." She moved back and stared into his unblinking eyes. "Do you want him to stay, Dean?" "Yes" "Do you trust me, Dean?" "Yes"

"Go back to the motel. You'll remember nothing except that you and I had a great time. We had mad, passionate sex. Do you understand me, Dean?" "Yes" She pushed him back onto the couch and positioned herself in his arms. She placed a light tap on his shoulder and whispered in his ear. "Wake up."

* * *

The awkward silence in the motel room was broken by the tone of Sam's cell phone. 'Dean Calling' lit up in bright letters on the display. "Dean, you on your way back?" Sam walked away holding up his index finger to Cas, indicating that he would be right back. He walked outside and as soon as he was sure to be out of Castiel's earshot, he let Dean know what was going on. "Dean, listen, just so you're not too shocked when you get here…" Sam stalled, knowing that what he was about to say would cause even more shit to hit the fan. "Spit it out, Sam. What's wrong?" "Nothing's wrong. It's just that Castiel is alive. He's here at the motel."

Sam broke the silence. "Dean, he's here to help take out levis. Heaven sent him back as punishment. We have to make this work. We need all the help we can get on this one. Please don't make it difficult." After a few more seconds of silence, Dean finally spoke. "I'm about ten minutes out… You know what, scrap that. I need a drink." 'Call Ended' flashed on the screen. "Damn it!" Sam ran his fingers through his hair, frustrated at the situation.

As he stepped into the door of the motel, Bobby could tell there was a problem. "Let me guess, Prince Charming not racing home on his black steed to rescue the distressed princess in there?" Sam just shook his head and threw the phone on the bed. "Bobby, not you too. You know Dean never takes responsibility for his actions and he never gets called out for the way he treats people. He just wrote Cas off as a lost cause and went into hunter mode. I could be wrong here, but it seems that even God thinks he had a hand in some of this."

Bobby gave Sam a hard stare. "You're joking, right? Kid, I was there, you weren't. He did try to reach Cas, right up to the very end. Actually, he tried a hell of a lot harder than he did with you. Funny thing is, the idjit almost reached him. Even hopped up on all those souls, I could see Cas starting to come around. But then you showed up and for a split second, Dean lost eye contact and it was over."

Sam just shook his head and pinched his lips. "So, it was my fault then. If I hadn't shown up, Dean could have reached him and talked him down. He would have put all the souls back, levis included, and we could have avoided all this. Nice to know I'm such a screw up, Bobby."

"Don't be a brat, Sam. It's not attractive and that's not what I'm saying. Once that door was open, it was all over and we all know it." Bobby was quickly getting tired of the overflow of emotions lately. He was starting to think that these three boys had grown lady parts. "What I'm sayin' is that there's something weird going on with those two. I didn't see it till that moment, but this situation isn't gonna be any day at the beach-that I do know."

They had almost forgotten about Castiel being in the next room when he poked his head out of the doorway. "You know, I have pretty good hearing and I wasn't really that far away. Will you please tell me what's going on?" Sam filled Castiel in on everything that happened since he 'died' and their concerns that Kristie looks an awful lot like him.

"I don't understand. All you've described is how Dean always acts when things go wrong. As far as the girl is concerned, most of my features, except eye color, are dominant gene traits which are very common in this country." Bobby found it a little ironic that an angel would be so knowledgeable about genetics. Sam just found it funny. "Cas, she could be your freaking clone, only with girlie parts. Man, she even does that stupid head tilt thing. It's creepy.

"You think the way I move my head is creepy?" Cas still didn't seem to be getting the scope of the problem. "He's just not acting himself, in a way that I don't think you can understand. Trust me when I say it just doesn't smell right." Cas knew that if Bobby was concerned, there probably was a problem. "Alright, fine. If Bobby thinks something is wrong, I'll take your word for it. I may not have stayed very long, but I would have known immediately if she wasn't human, but she was. That's about all I can tell you."

"Well, back to square one then. Guys this is too much of a coincidence though. Cas coming back, that chick looking like his freakin twin. I don't like this." Bobby seemed to be digging for some rational explanation, but his brain was hard wired to reject coincidence.

"Have either of you just considered that maybe she's just a normal girl and Dean's just having a good time, nothing more? Oh, and Bobby…?" Bobby lifted his head to meet Cas' gaze. "I'm nobody's princess."

"Wow Cas, I'm impressed. Aren't smart ass comments reserved for lower beings than yourself?" Dean smiled, giving each of them a look. "Hi guys. I decided not to have that drink after all. Damn, either I'm getting better or you guys are losing your touch. I snuck right up on you. Good thing I'm not the boogieman." He turned to Castiel, "Daddy take away those eyes you used to have in the back of your head, Cas?"

"Mind if I sit down and join the discussion, or is this a closed group?" Dean popped the top on a fresh beer and pulled a chair over, straddling it. "So Cas, it's gotta be hard to trump being God and all, but fairy princess? Wow, I hear there's perks." Cas took about all he could of the attitude. He leaned in close to Dean, eyes glaring. "I don't know, Dean. I heard you already played that roll, how did it work for you?"

"Okay, just stop, both of you! That is quite enough. Don't make me shoot both of you." Cas shot Bobby a 'yeah right' look, then continued to glare at Dean. "Don't give me that look, Cas. I'll load your bullet with holy oil. Don't try me, boy!" Cas knew that Bobby meant business when he pulled out the 'boy' thing. "Sorry Bobby. I knew this would be impossible. I begged not to be here. I'll go, but if you get into trouble, just call me and I'll come."

"Now there's a surprise. Good to see you too Cas. Even better to know that I'm Daddy's way of punishing you. See ya around." Dean took a long drink of his beer, turning from everyone in the room. "Cas, Don't…" with a flutter of wings, Cas disappeared from sight. "You are such a complete dick!" Sam spat and walked into the little kitchenette. "Bite me Sam!"

"You know what boy, I've just about had it with you lately. Yeah, you've been through a lot, we all have. You know what the difference is? We've been dealing with it instead of being a pain in everyone else's ass." When Bobby had enough, there was trouble to come.

"You wanna talk about bad choices and mistakes? Take a long look around you, son. No one here is innocent. You really wanna play the blame game, Dean? Let's see, why is it Cas showed up here in the first place three years ago?" He looked at him, waiting for an answer. "I know, Bobby. To pull me out of hell. That's not what this is about."

"And why did he have to pull you, specifically out of hell?" another pause. "Because I personally started Armageddon. I broke the first freakin seal. That's not what this is about." Dean was getting impatient and his first instinct was to run. "Don't even think about it, boy. I'll tie your ass to that chair if it even looks like you're thinking of leaving."

Bobby continued, "So, in theory, if you hadn't done what you did, Cas would have never even been here to do what he did. So, technically speaking, all of it is actually your fault. Everything! Sam getting hooked on demon blood, Sam raising Lucifer, Castiel cracking purgatory, the whole nine…all on you." Dean took in a deep breath, trying to hold back tears. "Damn it, Bobby. I know, okay. That's not what this is about." Bobby lowered his voice. "Then enlighten me, boy".

"He sees being around me as a punishment. After everything, I'm just a damn punishment." A single tear rolled down his face. Sam, a lot startled by what he just heard, finally came back into the room. "Not for him, you dick. For you. He asked to protect us without us knowing it. He didn't want to be a constant reminder to you of what he did. But apparently someone upstairs thinks you should be punished too."

Dean looked up at him. "They think having Cas around is punishment for me?" Sam just nodded his head. Dean was acting completely off. He glanced over at Bobby, seeing that he was thinking the same thing. "Yeah Dean, they do, and so does Cas. What you just did here, confirmed it. If you had taken a minute to get the bottle out of your hand and your head out of your ass, you might have learned all this before you opened your big mouth."

Dean cleared his throat and wiped the tear from his face, a little embarrassed. "It's no big deal, he'll come back. He always does. I'll apologize then." Sam shot him a disbelieving look. "Yeah, sure you will." "I will."

Sam started to walk away, but stopped and looked Dean straight in the eyes, giving him an all too knowing stare. "By the way, Cas was dropped off a Kristie's house, apparently not far from you. I think he may have seen a little more than he wanted to. That's the kind of cruelty that heaven's handing out these days, just so you know. We don't need to make it worse."

Sam looked over at Dean, the blood visibly draining from his face. "How much did he see?" The words were quiet, almost to himself. "I don't think he stayed very long. He didn't even notice how much…" Sam stopped. His head was hurting too much to deal with yet another issue. "How much what?" Dean seemed genuinely confused. "Nothing, he said he left pretty fast. I'm going to bed. Try not to stay up drinking all night. Bobby and I think we may know how to find the shifter without involving police. We're heading out pretty early."

After Sam got into bed and turned the light off, Dean grabbed a fresh bottle of hunter's helper and headed out the door. "Where are you going now?" Bobby called from his bed. "To call Cas, if you really have to know… and apologize for being the blame for everything." Bobby huffed. "Dean, you're not the blame for everything. I just needed you to see that this is a complicated situation. No one shoulders all of it. We have to stick together or we're not gonna get through this latest mess alive."

Dean rolled his eyes. Stick together, when has that ever really happened? "Yeah Bobby, what you said. I'll be back to help with the shifter. Get some sleep. People your age need plenty of rest." Dean gave Bobby a fake smile and started out the door. "Dean, one more thing: Whatever this thing is with Cas, Sam and I are here for you if you want us to be." "There's no 'thing' Bobby." Dean closed the door behind him, wondering how long Sam and Bobby had suspected this 'thing'.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Warning: slight M/M**

Chapter 6

Dean looked up into the night sky, feeling like a complete idiot. "Castiel, I need to talk to you so get your feathery ass down here." He looked around, expecting the angel to just suddenly appear. "Look Cas, I'm sorry. I want to apologize. It doesn't happen very often, so I suggest you come quickly before the mood passes." Dean took a drink of the whiskey he grabbed from the motel and leaned against the Impala. Most of the last few days had become a distant blur. He wasn't even sure what had been real and what was only another stupid dream. Why was he so angry all of a sudden? He needed to talk to Cas.

He knew Castiel was making him wait to prove a point, but this was getting ridiculous. "Cas, I was a dick. I want you here. You're not punishment. Please, you always come when I call." He felt like a dumbass, begging the angel to come to him. He looked back up at the sky. "The truth is, I need you, Cas. I need to see you, to touch you, so I know this isn't just another damn dream. I'm begging here."

"Fuck it!" Dean gulped down some more of the now half empty bottle of whiskey, realizing that Castiel wasn't gonna show up. The angel really didn't want to be here, he said so himself. The weight of the alcohol had begun to weigh on him, so he opened the door of the impala and lay down on the back seat. He really didn't feel like dealing with Sam and Bobby anyway.

* * *

Dean woke up to the sound of Sammy pounding on the back window and the door being flung open. "I told you not to drink all night. Get up, you smell like a brewery." Sam didn't give him a chance to get a word out before he was pulling him out of the car. "Go get showered and dressed. We're leaving in thirty minutes and if you're not ready, you don't get breakfast." Sam was acting like an angry parent, pointing to the motel door.

"I'm not five years old, Sam!" Dean spat, his throat horse and sore. "Then stop acting like it." Sam shot back, adding "Is Cas gonna come with us?" Dean shook his head and rubbed his temples. "How the hell should I know? He wouldn't come when I called."

"He didn't answer for you?" Bobby gave Dean a disbelieving stare. "No, Bobby. I guess angels can get pissy too. Why don't you just have Sam call him, he seems to be the new BFF now, anyway." Dean pushed past both of them and headed to the room. His head was spinning and Sam was right, he smelled awful.

Sam waited for Dean to close the motel room door before he called Castiel. "Cas, I know that Dean was a dick, but you said that you'd come if we needed you. Well, we could use your help here. Please, Cas." Sam was startled as Castiel appeared behind him. "Hello, Sam." Bobby shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Dean is gonna be pissed." "Yeah, so what's new?" Sam asked with a grunt.

"Cas, why didn't you answer for Dean? Man, we finally got him to take his head out of his ass and apologize." Cas tilted his head, forgetting that Sam found it 'creepy'. "Dean never called me, Sam. I would have come, even if it was to just hear him yell at me some more. Those are my orders." Sam didn't think Cas was lying. After all, even when he was chin deep in it with Crowley, he still always answered for Dean. "Yeah, well, when Dean gets out could you please play down the 'those are my orders' thing?" Cas looked confused again. "Why?"

"Seems that Dean's hissy fit was because you only showed up here on orders, as punishment. I think it hurt his feelings." Cas looked at Bobby searching for a sign that Sam was joking, but saw none. "Is there something wrong with him? Since when does he care why I'm here as long as I kill something for him or heal someone?" Bobby smacked him on the back of the head, making him jump a little. "So, now you're being a whiney little brat too? You both need to cut it out. We told you there's something wrong with him already. We just left out the fact that it's you, ya dumbass."

Cas put his hand to his head, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Sam, will you please explain this to me. You are giving me a headache, and angels don't get headaches, if that tells you anything." Sam rocked a little, not quite sure how to put it. "Cas, we think that he might be having a problem coming to terms with certain feelings that he may have for someone. Do you understand?" Cas just stared like he had spoken a foreign language. "No Sam, I don't understand. Is this about that girl again?" Frustration was starting to get the best of Sam. "No Cas, it's about you. How would you describe your relationship with Dean?"

"As of last night, I'd say- hostile." Bobby and Sam both just threw their hands in the air at the blunt answer. "We're not getting anywhere from this angle Sam, just give it up." Bobby headed back to the room, not looking forward to the next round that was sure to start as soon as Dean was out of the shower. Sam and Cas followed close behind Bobby, figuring there was safety in numbers.

* * *

They walked into the room just in time to see Dean step out of the bathroom, drying his hair with a small white towel. "Let me guess, you and him have a 'more profound bond' now, am I close?" Cas stepped over to him, not caring about proximity. "Dean, you did not call me. I would have answered." Dean took a step forward, closing the space between them even more. "I did call you." The glare in his eyes not lost on Cas who glared right back. "Well, I'm here now, what do you want?"

"Too freakin' late now, Angel. You should have come when I called the first time." Still not breaking the uncomfortable eye contact, "I'm not your bitch, Dean." Dean's nostrils flared, his face turning red with anger, "According to your daddy, you are." Bobby got a bad feeling that someone was about to get hit so he stepped between them, pushing them apart. "You two are the freakin' poster boys for maturity." Bobby tried to ignore Sam's not too quiet laughter in the background, but found it hard not to laugh himself. "Sam, it's not funny."

"Yeah Bobby, it is funny. He's freakin' jealous that Cas answered to me and not him. They're funnier than an old Vaudeville routine. Really, who needs television when you have Larry and Curly here?" Sam's words were light, but he was getting tired of all the fighting. "So I guess that makes you Moe." Dean shot back, no humor in his tone.

Castiel was completely lost, but didn't bother to ask. "I didn't hear you call me, Dean. I'm not lying." Dean moved his eyes back to Castiel, stare as cold as ice. "Yeah, because we all know that you'd never lie." It took all his will power not to push Bobby out of the way and punch Dean in the mouth, shutting him up. Instead he just disappeared and reappeared on the other side of the room next to Sam.

"Cas, he was able to sneak up on you last night too. Any chance there's something weird going on here?" Cas knew that there probably was, but he wasn't ready to be the mature one and let Dean off the hook. "Maybe or maybe he just drank too much and passed out. Is he ever sober anymore?" He turned to look at Dean. "Either way, I can only take so much of his obnoxious behavior. Keep him away from me…for his own good." Sam had only seen Castiel this mad at Dean one other time and that didn't end too well.

"What ya gonna do Cas, kick my ass? Think you can? Why don't you give it a try?" Castiel's face turned into a hard scowl and he took a step towards Dean, fist clenched. Bobby moved fast, stepping directly between the two again before Cas could throw the first punch. "Trust me Cas, it's something we've all wanted to do lately, but I can't let you, okay." Bobby knew that as mad as Castiel was, one hit would do a lot of damage. "Sam, why don't you two go for a walk or something, cool off."

Before Sam could respond, Dean pushed Bobby out of the way and slammed his fist into Castiel's jaw with as much force as he could muster. He fell back, landing awkwardly on the floor, damaging the sore hand even more. "Son of a bitch." His hand began swelling immediately. "Not really a fast learner, are you Dean?" Cas stood over him with a trace of triumph on his face. "Why don't you hit me again, might work the second time." Dean just glared, hand throbbing and turning black. "Do you want me to tell you how many bones you just broke?"

"That's enough, Cas." Sam ran over to Dean and leaned down to inspect his injured hand. Even his very gentle touch sent pain shooting through Dean's arm. "I wouldn't Sam. He only broke two metacarpals when he hit me, but he fractured both the radius and ulna in his forearm and scaphoid in his wrist when he fell on it." The words were cold and dry, completely void of sympathy. "Quit gloating and fix him already." Sam knew that Dean did it to himself, but Cas' attitude wasn't helping matters.

"Maybe….after he apologizes." Castiel was mad and had no reason to feel sorry for Dean. "Damn it Cas, I'm sorry." Dean managed through clenched teeth. "No, you're not Dean. You just want me to heal you. Like everything else, it's all about what I can do for you." He walked over and touched Dean's hand, healing it immediately. "I made a lot of mistakes in the time I've been here, but my biggest one was believing that you ever considered me a friend." Dean felt his stomach clench at the words mostly because he knew that Castiel completely believed that.

"Call me if you can't handle the shifter on your own Sam. I don't believe its part of the damage I caused, so I am leaving." Cas was about to do his disappearing act when Bobby finally spoke up. "No, maybe not, but that is." He pointed to Dean, still sitting on the floor, looking a lot like someone punched him in the gut. "He's fine. I healed his injuries completely. He's just being a baby." Bobby glared, shaking his head. "You know what Cas, now _I_ wanna hit you. I've heard a lot of horse shit in the last couple of days, but what you just said is the biggest load yet." Cas started to interrupt, but Bobby wasn't finished. "You know what the real problem here is? You're both a couple of whiney, stubborn assholes." Bobby looked over at Sam. "Sam, we're going to breakfast to meet up with Kristie. You two," looking between Cas and Dean, "Pull your heads out of your asses and work this out…or else."

Bobby grabbed his coat and the keys off the table and headed for the door. "Let's go Sam." Sam looked a little pale. "Bobby, I don't think we should…" "Now, Sam! If they wanna act like a couple of teenage girls, they can do it without an audience."

"Wait Bobby, please. Can we at least figure out why Cas didn't hear Dean call him?" Sam didn't want to leave the two alone just yet. He was afraid they might break something that couldn't be fixed. "You have ten minutes, and if I hear one more dumbass remark from either of you, you'll have me to deal with. And Cas, I'm not stupid enough to use my hand."

"Dean, how much did you drink last night before you called Castiel?" Sam was hoping for an honest answer. "I called as soon as I walked out the door. I didn't start drinking until he didn't answer." Well, at least it was partially true. "Guys, just humor me here, okay? Cas, go back outside and I'll have Dean call you. See if you can hear." Cas unfolded his arms and headed for the door. "Okay fine, it's not like we don't have anything better to do, like kill leviathans so I can get out of his hair." Bobby shot him an icy warning glance before he disappeared through the front door. "Dean call…and be nice about it." "Castiel, will you please come in here?" He rolled his eyes up to Sam. "You happy? I was nice."

They waited a few more minutes before Sam called. "Castiel, you can come back now." Cas appeared in front of them. "He called?" "Yeah Cas, we both heard him. You have any idea what could cause you not to be able to hear him?" Castiel rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Only heaven could do something like that." "Why would they send you here then do something like this?" Bobby was ready to explode. "So I have to honor their wishes to be able to keep him safe. If I'm not with him, I can't protect him." He looked up to the dirty motel ceiling. "Come on! What am I supposed to do, handcuff him to me?" Dean couldn't contain a small laugh. "It's not funny Dean" "Sorry, it's just that it would appear that Daddy does want you to be my bitch, after all."

"This is not a joke, Dean. They have given me other things to do. I can't do them if I have to spend every moment babysitting you." He ignored Dean's annoyed grimace. "I'm sure there are things that you would like to do that I have no intention of being around for." Dean nodded, "Dude's got a point."

Bobby could tell that the tone of the room had calmed down enough to leave the two alone. "Sam, we're already late. We need to get going. You two get yourselves together and meet us at the restaurant, pronto. You kill each other while we're gone and I'll kick both your asses!" Bobby walked out the door with Sam close behind.

* * *

Cas stood, arms still folded, still angry as hell. "I don't know what he thinks there is to work out. I can't change the past and I have apologized. If you can't find a way to move past it, I can't be here." Dean pulled out a chair and sat down, resting his head in his hands. "I thought that you had to be here?" "Those are my orders, but I can refuse them." Cas answered without a trace of emotion, reminding Dean of the angel he had met that first night in the barn. "What happens if you do that?" Dean figured that he knew the answer, but he wanted to hear the words from Castiel's mouth. "I don't know, but they did imply that I would not be killed." Omitting information was not technically lying.

"I don't want you to refuse your orders, Cas. I don't want to be the reason for you to get into more trouble." Dean stood up, closing the distance between himself and the somewhat more relaxed angel. "I did consider you a friend, Cas. Hell, I want to consider you a friend again. How can I when all I've heard is how you only want to kill leviathans so you can go home, get away from me?"

For the first time, it was Castiel who became uncomfortable with the lack of space Dean was giving him. He took a step back, hoping that Dean would get the point. "Can you give me even one reason that I should want to be here?" His words were still angry, but not quite as cold. Dean took another step closer, either not getting the point or making one of his own. "I don't want you to leave." Castiel tried to take another step back, but was blocked by the unmade motel bed. He suddenly felt closed in, claustrophobic, and panicked. Dean saw Cas tremble, his eyes wide with fear. The idea that he had the power to make this angel tremble before him made his pulse quicken and his chest pound with desire that had been suppressed for too long.

Without thought, Dean grabbed the back of Castiel's neck, pulling him even closer. "I don't want you to go." He repeated softer, his lips brushing over the angel's mouth. Dean's breath became heavy as Castiel's lips parted slightly, with a startled breath. He couldn't control the heat rising in him any longer. Without hesitation, he firmly placed his lips over Castiel's, kissing him with a long overdue passion.

Startled, Castiel lost his balance and fell backwards onto the disheveled bed. Dean was quickly on top of him, pinning him down. The overflow of feelings made him forget for a moment that he was an all-powerful being who could get away at any time. "Dean, what are you doing? Get off of me." The words were broken and his breath short. Dean shook his head, sliding his hand down Castiel's chest, feeling the tightness of his muscles under the thin shirt. He felt the angel's pulse speed up, his breath coming in short gasps. The panicked reaction made Dean even more eager to continue exploring the angel's writhing body. "I don't think you really want me to." Dean moved his mouth slowly over the angel's jaw line, moving to the soft skin of his neck. "You want me, angel. I can tell by the way your body reacts to my touch." Castiel tilted his head back slightly, an involuntary reaction, giving Dean more of his skin to explore. "See how your body moves into mine? You know how much you want this." Cas tried to pull away, but Dean bit down gently sending a wave of heat through Castiel's body. "Keep fighting me, angel. It just makes me want you more." Knowing that he was losing all ability to resist, Castiel ran his fingers through Dean's soft hair, grabbing a handful and pulling his head up abruptly. "Dean, you have to stop. This isn't you."

Dean stopped, pulling himself off of Castiel, looking at him with a distant gleam in his eye that told the angel that Dean Winchester was somewhere else. Castiel sat up slowly, not wanting to make a too sudden movement. "Dean, what did you call for me last night?" Castiel thought that talking might be the best way to diffuse this very confusing situation. "I wanted to apologize for being a dick. I'm sorry, okay." His voice seemed steadier, more normal. "It's okay Dean. I understand why you hate me." "You wanted to know why I called, so just shut up and listen." Dean's eyes seemed a little clearer. "From the day you died, or didn't die, I dreamt of you every time I fell asleep. Most were just you walking into the water, but some were a little different."

Dean crawled back up on the bed, straddling Castiel as he pushed him back down. "How were they different?" Castiel swallowed a lump in his throat and could feel himself begin to panic again. He had no idea what to do. "You were alive and we were talking." "Just talking?" Castiel interrupted, but Dean pressed a finger to his lips. "Shh… I remember being afraid that you were gonna turn into black goo. I had something to tell you, I tried to reach out for you but every time I did, I woke up and you were gone. I need to touch you, Cas, and not have you disappear." The far-away look had returned to his eyes and his voice had a slightly mechanical tone.

"You are touching me, a lot, and I am still here. I don't want to leave you. I promise." Dean had completely removed Castiel's crumpled tie and undone the first two buttons of his shirt. His hand was firmly caressing Cas' reddening neck. He moved his mouth to the smooth skin and placed brief kisses down his collar. "You can touch me too, Cas. I want you to. I want to feel your hands all over me."

Castiel pushed at Dean's chest, trying to get away, but he had no strength. "That's not how I meant, Angel." Dean quickly grabbed his hands and pinned them to the bed over his head. "Why does this scare you so much?" "It doesn't, let me go." Dean continued as if he didn't hear. "I feel you shaking, Cas. Just relax. Let me give you a reason to stay." He brushed his lips over Cas', opening the angel's mouth with his tongue, using his free hand to undo the rest of the shirt buttons, pulling it open.

"Dean please….You are not…oh, damn." Castiel bucked up into the hand that was suddenly down his now unzipped pants, stroking his semi-hard cock. "Dean, you have to stop." Breathless and terrified, he tried to pull away but something just wouldn't let him. The touch of Dean's warm hand sent waves of mixed signals though his already uncertain mind.

"You feel that, Angel?" Dean stroked his dick again, causing Cas to inhale deeply, arching his head back into the pillow. "That means that you don't really want me to stop." Dean took advantage of the exposed neck and bit down hard while giving Cas' hard dick another stroke. The mixed sound of pain and pleasure caused Dean's own cock to throb with need. He took Castiel's hand and lowered it to his very interested crotch, rubbing it through his pants. "Oh god, Cas. I want you. I've missed you so much." He bit down on the sensitive skin just below Cas' jaw line, sucking and biting until blood pooled just under the skin, marking him as Dean's.

Castiel couldn't control what was happening, a part of him didn't want to. He began caressing Dean's dick through the tight pants, moving in time with Dean's thrusts. "That's it baby, just relax and let it happen." Having Dean touch him like this, calling him _'Baby'_ after so many years of wanting and longing was like a craving that was suddenly being satisfied…but it had to stop. It was a brutal truth that he didn't want to admit: Dean Winchester would never be doing this if he were in complete control. Dean Winchester would never call him _'Baby'_. It took all the willpower he could find, but Castiel forced himself to stop.

"Dean Winchester, you have to stop now." Castiel said the words as forcefully as he could, needing them to get through. "Dean, if you don't stop I will leave and never come back." The words pained him to say, but they seemed to do the trick. Dean stopped, stared at Castiel for a moment then lifted himself off the bed, giving Castiel a cold stare. "Fine, I get it. Give me a few minutes of privacy and we can go meet the others' at the restaurant, but don't think this is over, Angel." Dean walked away and slammed the bathroom door. Castiel re-buttoned his shirt, fixed his pants and straightened himself up. Everything was back to normal. What had just happened? He had to talk to Sam, but how could he tell him what just happened when he didn't know himself?

* * *

Sam, Bobby and Kristie were sitting at a large round table with blueprints spread across it, leaving little room for the scattered plates that littered the table, scraped clean. Cas quickly claimed the empty chair between Sam and Bobby. Dean rolled his eyes and took a seat next to Kristie and grabbed a menu. "You boys get your issues worked out?" Bobby asked, noticing the tension between the two. "Well, I'd say it's a work in progress, actually." He rolled his eyes to Cas and gave him a quick wink. "Wouldn't you agree Cas?"

"I want food. Will you order me something to eat, Sam? I don't know what tastes good except hamburgers, but I believe that hamburgers are not a breakfast food. Do you think they have hamburgers? If not, then something else." Hearing Castiel ramble on and on for the first time ever, disturbed Sam and everyone else at the table, except Dean who was still looking at the menu. "Cas, are you okay?" Sam cautiously asked the flustered angel. "I'm fine, Sam." Cas shot back, a little too quickly. "You are not fine." Sam grabbed the menu from Dean's hand. "What the hell did you do to him?" Dean just looked at Sam, glaring, then snatched the menu back and continued reading as if nothing had happened. "I'm fine, really. I'm just hungry." Cas promised with a nod. "Okay, Cas. I'll order you something."

Sam called the waitress over and ordered a stack of pancakes and sausage for him, along with a glass of hot tea. "Cas, this is Kristie, I don't think you guys have met." Kristie smiled and held out her hand to Castiel. "Hi Cas, It's nice to finally meet you. I've heard a lot about you." Cas looked at the woman for the first time. Sam wasn't kidding about the similarities. It went well beyond having the same characteristics. It was more like looking into a mirror if he were in a female vessel. "Hello Kris, it's nice to meet you too." Now was not the time to address this.

"It seems there's an old tunnel system that runs from the woods, straight into town. We think that our best bet would be to go in up in the woods to be less noticeable." Sam moved the prints to Castiel, but he just slid them away. "Sounds like a good plan. Sam, can I speak to you in private?" Castiel could no longer contain the unease that he could feel rapidly burning within him.

"Tattle tale!" Dean shot across the table, standing up and knocking the chair over. "I don't care if you tell. I don't care who knows anymore." The entire restaurant got quiet, everyone staring at the scene Dean was making. Castiel shot him an angry glance, warning him to shut up. "What I need to say to Sam has nothing to do with that. It might be a good idea if you sit back down and eat your pie before you say something that no one needs to hear. Do you understand me?" Cas glowered, throwing his napkin on the table.

"Cas, I think we have a pretty good idea already. That mark on your neck is a pretty good clue." Bobby gave Dean a fierce look. "Boy, you better be possessed, because if you're not, I'm gonna…." "Bobby stop. Everyone lay off him. He didn't do anything. Leave him alone." Castiel's voice was resigned, almost tired. "Sam, you coming?"

Dean shoved a piece of pie into his mouth and smiled up at Bobby, mouth full. "See…I did nothing wrong."

* * *

"Cas, tell me what he did to you." Cas knew that would be the first thing out of Sam's mouth. "That's not of import right now, I'm fine." Sam shook his head in disbelief. "Not of import? Do you even know how much I hate that phrase? I've never seen you so rattled. Hell, I've seen you face down archangels and even Death, himself, without backing down. Right now you look… Cas, you look completely freaked out. What's going on?"

Cas knew he had to tell Sam something. He had the right to know. "I don't know, Sam. Something is very wrong with your brother, but it's nothing I can see. That means that it's not supernatural in origin. I just don't think that telling you all of the details of what happened will do anything except make matters worse." "He's my brother, Cas. I'm worried. He's acting completely out of character. It's scaring me." Sam was never very good at masking distress and fear was written all over his face. "I'm worried too. We'll fix this, but first we have to figure out what 'this' is… Sam, I need a favor."

"Yeah, sure. What do you need?" Castiel was a little afraid to ask, but he had to. What happened at the motel could not happen again. "Please don't leave me alone with him again." Sam gave him a bewildered look. "Are you afraid of him, Cas?" Castiel took a deep breath. "It's not that I'm afraid of him, I'm more afraid of myself. I don't really understand everything that happened back there and I don't want to hurt him. If he does that again, I may have to, for his own good." Sam was more concerned now then he was before. "Look, I'm not gonna push here, but if you wanna talk about it, ya know, if you need me to help you understand, I'm here…to an extent." Sam was pretty sure that he knew exactly what happened, but he could see Cas wasn't gonna talk about it unless he could put a spin on the situation. "The way you're acting, it's scaring me. With Dean gone all 'nut case', I can't afford to have you off your game too."

"I'll be fine. Please just promise me, okay?" Cas had the look of a lost puppy. "Yeah, Cas. Sure, I promise. Is that it or is something else wrong?" "It's Kristie. Sorry I didn't listen to you guys. She does look a little too much like me. She's human, yes, but a little like you." Sam was confused. "Like me? How? What do you mean?" "She's human with a trace of something else. Not demon, but something. I can't really say, not until I know for sure. I need to um…question her alone first."

Sam gave him a concerned glance. "Okay, but Cas, you're sort of a brutal 'questioner' and you're already in a bad mood. Try not to kill her until you're sure she's evil, okay." Cas gave a small smirk. He was afraid that Sam would have refused altogether. "I won't kill her. Just get packed and meet us at the entrance. We should be done talking by the time you get there." Sam was glad that Cas seemed calmer.

"That sure of your mad skills, huh?" Cas rolled his eyes and turned away. "Sorry, I was just trying to cheer you up. I didn't mean to upset you." Cas turned back around. "I know, Sam. I'm fine. Just…don't be mean to Dean, okay. It won't help."

"Cas, what happens if this really is _'just Dean'_ and nothing else?" Cas looked at him with complete sincerity and a little sadness in his eyes. "I seriously doubt it."

* * *

Sam and Castiel walked back over to the table. "Cas is gonna 'poof' him and Kris up to the entrance and we're gonna meet them up there." Cas put two fingers to Kristie's head and they were gone, leaving Dean and Bobby with a surprised look. "Come on, let's go. We all know how his interrogations usually end, so the quicker the better." Sam pulled on Bobby's chair to get the point across.

"He's interrogating her? Why?" Dean asked, stubbornly staying in his chair. "It's about time somebody did." Bobby spoke gruffly. "Why?" Dean asked again. "Just get up and let's go. He promised that he wouldn't kill her until we got there, but somebody put him in a pretty bad mood, so I wouldn't bet the farm on it." Sam's words weren't lost on Dean who stood up, grabbing his coat. "He doesn't have to wait on my account." Bobby offered on the way out the door.

"Bobby, she hasn't done anything. She saved my ass up there and now she's helping us. What the hell is your issue?" Dean was getting flustered, not understanding why they seemed to be picking on Kristie. "You're the issue, Dean. Sure, you were a pain in the ass before she supposedly_ 'saved your ass'_, but I don't even know who the hell you are now." "I'm just me, Bobby." Bobby shook his head, about one step from over the edge. "You better hope not, boy."

Dean looked to Sam for support. "Some help here?" Sam just huffed and opened the car door. "I haven't heard anything I disagree with yet." Dean jumped in the back seat. "Screw you both."

**Notes: Hope you guys are enjoying. I tried to give you some smut. I know it's not the greatest, but I'm trying to get more comfortable writing it as I go. It was supposed to be a lot more forced, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Unfortunately, the scene is necessary to the plot. I know we all have really good imaginations when it comes to Destiel smut, so I'm sure you call all fill in any missing pieces. Hopefully next time will be better. **

**As always, thanks for reading and reviewing. You guys are making this really fun for me. Thanks.**


	7. Chapter 7

******Chapter warning: M/M, language, adult situations**  


**Chapter 7**

Castiel and Kristie appeared at the entrance to the tunnel system. Kristie didn't seem even a little bit startled. "You're a little more than you appear to be, aren't you." Kris gave him an innocent smile. "What Cas, no sweet talk?" Castiel was in no mood for nonsense. "We don't have time for games, Kristie. The guys will hurry to get here because I have a reputation for killing things that don't answer my questions the way I want."

Kristie knew that there would be no way to lie to an angel, it was pointless to try. "If you know what I am, then please tell me because I have no idea. Most of the time I hate what I can do, feel, even see. It scares the hell out of me, but I can't make it stop. I've tried." Castiel could find no indication of a lie anywhere in her statement. "You are a Perciraphim, the most powerful I've ever seen. I also sense the use of natural magic as well. Am I right?"

"So it actually has a name? All the research I've done over the years, I could never find an actual name." She looked genuinely pleased. If you know all that, what I am, what I can do, then you also know that I'm not evil. I can't be. It would kill me. I'm just trying to help here. I'm just doing what I have to do." Kristie chose her words carefully. Castiel considered the words and decided to move on. "Why do you look like me?" The question was direct and to the point. "I don't know, because my parents do? I think it's a little weird too. He said that I looked like you, but I didn't realize how much until I saw you walk into the restaurant." She paused and looked away. "You know, he was really hurt when you died. I thought that he just _wanted_ to see you in me."

Castiel considered this, but didn't understand why she would think that so he decided to move on. Time was growing short. "How is it that you can be around any of us with all our emotional baggage and not go crazy?" She smiled. "It's the magic. It helps me cope; it holds down a lot of the more unpleasant things. It's not perfect, but I can function. I'm sorry that my survival gives you reason to doubt my sincerity."

"Last, and most importantly: Did you do something to Dean Winchester?" She knew this one was coming and had to choose her words carefully. "When I found him, he was hurt very badly. As you know, I have some healing ability. If I had left and gone for help, he would have died. I don't like using this 'gift', but I couldn't just let him die when I had the power to save him." Castiel was confused by this. He had healed people quite often and found it somewhat rewarding. "Why don't you like to heal people?" "They tend to become attached and I can't afford attachments."

"Castiel, do you know why I'm like this?" There was a touch of sadness in her voice, something Castiel hadn't felt until that moment. "No, but I do know that it is because you were born with a drop of grace. You have a tiny amount of angel in you. It's cruel, actually." She pulled a leaf from a nearby tree, Castiel could sense that his words had upset her, but he wasn't sure why. She turned back to him. "Why me?" Castiel didn't know. What could he tell her, that heaven liked playing with people, that human life was merely entertainment for more powerful beings? He sat down on the ground, all of a sudden tired. "I don't know Kristie. I wish I had more answers for you. I can't seem to answer much these days. I'm not really good for much, actually."

She sat down on the ground next to him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Cas, I know what happened earlier. I can feel your confusion, frustration, and even fear." He gave her a quick glance before looking down. "Kris, I'm an angel. I don't have anything for you to read." She picked his chin up to look at her. "Then explain why it is that you know I'm right. Let me ask you this: If I could tell you that Dean is just Dean, no spell, no nothing, would that change how what happened made you feel?"

"Can you tell me that?" There was a bit of hope in his voice. "No, but please answer anyway." She hated to take away the little bit of hope he felt, but she had no choice. "Yes, it would change everything."

She grabbed his hand and held it in her own. "Castiel, you think you're just an angel, but that's not all you are." He looked up at her, pulling his hand away. "Well, what am I then?" "You're and angel with a drop of humanity. Also kind of cruel." She carefully put her hand on the side of his face, turning it to look at her. "I am so sorry…about everything."

"Wow, now that's a new interrogation technique. You want us to leave, maybe give you two some privacy?" Dean started towards them, but Sam grabbed him, pulling him back. "Shut up, Dean." He turned to Castiel, a grin on his face. "I take it we decided she's not a terrorist?" Castiel stood up, holding out a hand to Kristie. "No, but after we kill this shape shifter, we need to go somewhere and clear some things up."

"Fine, then let's go. I'm ready to kill something." Dean led the way into the tunnel, barely waiting for the others. The darkness was overwhelming. "Sam, Dean, get some light in here before we kill ourselves. Kris, you're in charge of directions. Stay close to one of us, okay. Everyone be careful and don't get separated. Cas, you sense anything?" Cas looked around, trying to sense anything unusual. "No, nothing. I can see in the dark though, so I'll take the lead."

About a half mile in, the tunnel split into two directions. "Damn, that's not on the map. What now?" Kristie folded the map up, realizing it wasn't gonna be of much use. "Okay, so we split up, no big. Cas, you're with me. Bobby, Dean, Kris, you take that tunnel, we'll take this one. Bobby, Kris, if anything happens, call for Cas and we'll be right there."

Dean stood, shaking his head at Sam. "So what? You two prom dates now?" Dean moved towards Castiel, but Sam stepped in front of him, blocking the way. "Oh, I get it. You're his bodyguard now. That's priceless, really." Bobby grabbed Dean by the shoulder and pulled him back. "Let's go."

* * *

"You know Cas, if you want to punch him in the nose, no one here would mind. Hell, knock him out for a while and we might throw you a party." Sam was about to his breaking point when it came to Dean's attitude.

Castiel hated that he had become a point of contention between the two. It seemed that he had become a point of contention for Dean, period. He wondered if Joshua knew all this would happen and that's why they required him to stay with him. "He's not himself, Sam." It was all he could think to say. It was true; at least he thought it was true.

Sam shook his head and walked on. "Yeah Cas, you keep saying that, but so far I don't see anything that says otherwise." "Sam, we'll figure this out."

* * *

"So Kris, you seem to like Cas." Dean stopped moving directly in front of Kristie, causing her to almost fall into him. "Yeah, actually I do, Dean. You jealous?" Dean laughed and walked ahead. "Nope, not jealous. Just thinking that you're sort of a slut." Kristie grabbed his arm and turned him to face her. "You know what, Dean. This isn't the time or place for this. It takes a lot to really piss me off, but you have officially crossed that line. Do us all a favor and shut the hell up."

Bobby was impressed. "Wow Kris, you just scored major points with me." She smiled at him. "Sorry, I shouldn't have yelled at him. I really hate losing my temper." Bobby gave a huff. "Hell girl, if someone called me a slut, I'd knock their fool head off." Dean turned around with an apologetic look on his face. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I just, hell I don't know. I don't set out to be an ass, it just happens."

The flashlight flew out of Dean's hand, flashing on and off a few times before finally going off. "Damn it." Bobby pulled out another flashlight and panned the area, finally landing on two very identical Deans. "Christ, if one wasn't bad enough."

"Well, the good news is that we found the shifter." Kris held the gun up and chambered a silver bullet. "Say goodnight, jackass." The Dean on the left fell to the ground, bullet piercing his skull. Bobby grabbed the gun from her hand. "What the hell, girl? We had no way of knowing it was the right one." Kris walked over to the corpse and pulled a piece of slimy, rubbery, 'flesh' from its face and threw it on the ground at the other Dean's feet. Dean just stood there, mouth gaping in shock. "How did you know it was the shifter?" She looked at him and grinned. "Lucky guess."

"Cas, Sam, we got the shifter. Actually, Kris got it. You can come back now." Bobby was not at all comfortable calling Castiel like that. It was slightly awkward. They appeared immediately, quickly taking in the scene. "Now that's a good shot. How'd you know who was who?" They quickly sized up the situation by the freaked out look on both Bobby and Dean's faces. "Eenie, meenie, miney, moe of course." Kris stated with complete seriousness. For the first time in probably forever, Cas laughed a little.

Dean still stood shocked, even more at the fact that Castiel did not laugh, ever. "You think it's funny that there was a fifty percent chance she could have blown my head off?" He looked Dean straight in the eyes. "Yeah, kind of."

"My place isn't far from here. We can get cleaned up and grab some lunch, grill some burgers." She winked at Cas, wrapping an arm around his, walking ahead of the others. Bobby still looked stunned. "What the hell is going on here?" Sam laughed. "I think that chick Cas kind of likes dude Cas. It's like one of those cheesy sci-fi movies." Bobby turned to look at Dean. "Pick your chin up off the ground and come on before we leave you here." Dean followed silently behind, still unnerved by the close call. "One thing I can say, at least someone finally got him to shut up." "So, silver lining then." Sam added with a chuckle.

* * *

"You ever grill out, Cas?" Kris asked Castiel when they got back to her house and set the gear down. "No, I have never grilled out." He answered her with a smile. "Well join me then. I'll show you how it works." She grabbed his hand and pulled him out onto the patio. Dean stood watching, a noticeable glare in his eyes.

"That has to be the most disturbing thing I've ever seen." Bobby turned from the window, not really wanting to see what was happening outside. "Chill, Bobby. I think they make a cute couple." Sam laughed. "Would you two just shut the hell up already." Dean had about all he could take. He was still staring out the glass, getting angrier with every breath.

"So, which one are you jealous of? Or is it both?" Sam teased him. "Shut up, Sam. I'm not jealous…of either." Sam shook his head. "You realize that what's going on out there is all your fault, right? Man, you freaked him out. What did you do to him anyway?" Dean glared at Sam, ready to throw a punch. "What Sam? Should I have made a video for you? Look, I didn't do anything that he didn't have the power to stop any time he wanted. He could beat the crap out of me without even breaking a sweat or just freakin' disappear. Guess what, Sammy… he didn't. Stop treating me like I did something horrible to poor, helpless Castiel."

Bobby stepped forward, trying to divert Dean's attention from the window. "Have you forgotten that he's not human, son? He doesn't understand certain human things. He thinks you're under some spell or something. Hell, we all do." Dean pinched his lips and nodded. "See, that's just it, Bobby. I'm not. This is just me. Might not be the _'me'_you thought, but it is. I've been hiding this shit for so long. I just can't anymore."

Sam huffed. "You think you've been hiding it? Hell, we've had to put up with that damn staring thing for three years now. The two of you, any time you're together." Dean looked surprised. "Well Sam, if you knew all this already, what's with the third degree? Can't you just leave it alone?"

"No, because you're scaring us. Did it ever occur to you that talking this out might be better than jumping him?" Bobby noticed the agitation quickly building as Dean watched Kristie and Castiel on the patio. "Son, you're like a bomb getting ready to explode. Calm down." He turned Dean to face the other direction, but the redirect didn't last long enough. He turned back around just in time to see Kristie feed Castiel a piece of hamburger, both laughing like stupid kids.

"That's it." He started towards the patio door but Sam stepped in front of him, pushing him back. "No! Absolutely not. Not until you calm down." Dean pushed him off, pointing to the window. "She's just doing this to piss me off. She knows everything. I told her everything." He almost sounded defeated, hurt. Sam felt a little bad for teasing him. "Look, she's just trying to make him feel better. It seems to be working, so give it a rest already. I promise, if she tries to make out with him or something, I'll take care of it. Okay?" Dean relaxed a little. "Almost forgot, you're on bodyguard duty. Pardon me, warden. "

"Because he asked me to be, Dean. Do you even hear yourself? Why would she flirt with him just to piss you off? How long have you even known her, Dean? You think she cares that much about you? You just aren't thinking right. He's been through a lot. He's sad and feels guilty as hell. Now you pull this crap. He could really use a friend right now and all you're being is a spoiled, jealous, douche. Where's all this coming from anyway, Dean?"

Dean looked away from the window. He knew Sam was right. He hadn't been fair to Castiel and now he was blaming Kristie. "Look, I'm sorry okay. I don't know why I'm acting like this. She's a shrink, that shit probably just comes natural to her." He looked at Sam. "Protect him, whatever. I don't understand what's going on either. I didn't mean to scare him. Hell, I didn't think I could."

Dean's words weren't lost on Bobby. "She's a shrink?" Dean nodded. "Yeah, has some degree in head shrinking. Calls herself an advisor." Bobby gave Sam a knowing look. "So she knows exactly how to screw with someone's head without having to use magic?" Dean shrugged. "I guess so." Dean watched as Bobby raised his eyebrows to Sam. "Wait, so now we're back to 'she messed with my head' again? Really, all she did was listen to my crap about Cas." Bobby wasn't convinced. "And exactly how did this conversation come about?" Dean shrugged again. "When I woke up, I thought she was Cas and I tried to kiss her. I had to at least try to explain. She's real easy to talk to."

"So then you do realize how much she looks like him?" Sam asked with a sincere calmness in his tone. "How could I not? Look guys, I thought he was dead, that I'd never see him again. All the confusion and embarrassment what I felt caused, I was confused. I opened my eyes and…" Bobby interrupted. "But she's not him. Magically you have a female version of him sitting right in front of you, one that it's acceptable to be attracted to. Hell, she even acts like him in a very disturbing way. How can you not see that this whole thing could be a set up or some kind of trap? Are you that dense, boy?"

"But he's here now and she hasn't gone anywhere. She's being nice to him, something I should have done. Just leave it alone guys. I don't know what's up with me, but I do know how I feel about him. Hell, maybe it'll get better now that it's not a secret that I have to hide anymore."

* * *

"Hey guys, come and get it." They filed out onto the patio to find the table full of all types of picnic foods. Castiel seemed calmer and more content then he had in well, a year. Bobby sat down, but didn't take anything. "So Kristie, how did you know which one was the real Dean, and don't give me any of that _'lucky guess'_ crap."

"I could just kind of 'see' the difference. If I hadn't already known what Dean looks like I wouldn't have been able to do it. Bobby shook his head at her and huffed. "Yeah, I'm sure we all understood that line of crap. Try again and speak plain English this time." There was no fooling in Bobby's tone. This whole situation had him completely unable to put on a happy face. Dean was like a son to him and he wasn't buying her sweet and caring routine.

"Bobby, she's not evil. She's a Perciraphim. That means that she has just a drop of angel grace in her, but for all practical purposes, she's completely human." Bobby didn't appreciate Castiel's interruption. "Thanks for the input Cas, but I'm more concerned with the human shrink part. Cas, she's already messed with Dean's head, now she's moved on to yours. I want to hear what she has to say from her mouth, not yours."

Kristie looked at everyone at the table. "I know that I'm not part of your group and you have no reason to trust me. If I were in your shoes, I'd probably feel the same way. I know he's acting weird. It's actually pretty typical behavior of someone who was betrayed by a close friend then watched that friend die. Add the fact that there was underlying sexual feelings involved… How would you expect him to act?" She looked between Sam and Bobby. "You two always expect him to 'suck it up' and move on. He has to sacrifice himself for your cause constantly. He hasn't given himself the time to grieve or deal with anything because he always puts you first, Sam." She looked up at Bobby. "I can't really explain what I am because I didn't even know until Cas told me. When people are hurt I just feel compelled to help them. I don't mean anyone any harm."

Castiel finally broke the silence. "Everything she just said it true, Bobby. I don't see any way that she could have done anything bad to Dean. Maybe he's just messed up, maybe something else. I don't know. I do know that what she is, it makes it virtually impossible for her to do harm."

"Well, you full angels seem to be able to do a whole lot of harm." Bobby had avoided bringing that up, but Castiel's defense of this woman, because she had a bit of angel in her, thoroughly pissed him off. "Because **we** have no souls. **We** have no conscience. She does." He purposely stressed the 'we' part to let Bobby know that he got the point.

"Well, what all can she do?" He asked Castiel. "She can feel what other's do as if they were her own feelings. She can see a glimpse into the soul. She can heal a bit, take the pain into herself. Other than that, not much." Bobby nodded. "Add a psych degree to that and you have one hell of a way to mess with someone's head."

Dean had been being quiet, trying hard to control his temper. "You know what? I've been sitting here letting all of you talk about me like I'm not even here. You think there's something wrong with me? Why, because I've been drinking a lot or ran off to hunt on my own? Listen to yourselves and ask why that might be. Why would I possibly want some time to myself? This stuff with Cas, it's no one's business but mine and his. So all of you, just drop it." "Dean…" Sam started, but Dean cut him off. "No Sam. I said drop it."

"Sam, we're leaving. Now. I can't take much more of this. We need to head back to the house and start working on the whole leviathan problem that everyone seems to have forgotten about. All this _'Days of Our Supernatural Lives'_ thing is not in my job description." "Okay Bobby." Sam and Cas got up, but Dean stayed put. They looked at him, the stubbornness in his face apparent. "I'm not going anywhere. I need some time off from this, from you. I love you two, you're family, but I can't be your pet project. I'll catch up in a few days." He looked up at Cas. "Look, please stay and let me at least try to explain. I know I freaked you out, I didn't mean to."

Cas took a step towards Dean, but Sam stopped him. "No way you're staying here, Cas. I made you a promise and I intend to keep it." Dean stepped forward. "I'm not gonna do anything to him, Sam. Just give me a little time to talk to him privately then he can go play with you." Castiel finally spoke. "Sam, I would like for him to explain."

"Fine. You have thirty minutes. You're here to help us hunt leviathans, not screw around with Dean." Cas looked down at his feet, thinking that Sam meant it literally. Sam immediately regretted his wording, seeing how uncomfortable it made Castiel feel. "Sorry Cas, it's only a figure of speech. It's just…I made a promise, please don't make me break it."

"Thirty minutes and I'll come to you." Dean rolled his eyes and walked away. "This is ridiculous." Sam walked out the door behind Bobby, leaving Dean and Cas alone with Kristie. He didn't necessarily dislike her, but he certainly didn't trust her. Worse, for some reason, he wasn't completely sure he trusted Dean either.

* * *

"Look guys-Dean, you're welcome to stay here as long as you want, but they're just worried about you. You should go home." Dean smiled. "Just a few days, okay?" "Sure, but I have to go into town to pick up a few things. It'll give you two some time to talk. I'll be back later, just make yourselves at home." Kristie left and Dean guided Castiel to the couch. "Please sit. I need to sit for what I have to say and I'd rather not have to look up at you the whole time." Castiel didn't really want to, but he also didn't want to agitate Dean since he was acting normal for a change, sort of.

"I'm sorry, man. Not for what I did, but for how I did it. I wasn't thinking. I just knew that you were there and I wanted you. I wanted you like that for a while now. I've denied it for so long, but I just can't anymore. I know you feel the same." Dean waited for Castiel to respond, but when he didn't, Dean spoke up again. "Look man, this shit's hard for me to admit, so don't just sit there. Say something, anything."

Cas looked Dean in the eyes for the first time since the motel room. Those eyes somehow held his gaze, making nothing else matter. The eyes he would do anything for, if he could. "Dean, the night I saw Anna kiss you, everything in my world changed. That was the first time I 'felt' anything at all. I wanted to do that. I wanted to know what it was like to be that close to someone, to share a single breath. That desire, that want, it changed everything. It was that change that eventually led to destruction and death. Dean, I'm not built to feel those things. No matter how much I may want them, I just can't have them."

"Why Cas? Why can't you? This isn't destruction. Maybe it was the denial that led to destruction." Dean moved his hand to Castiel's chin and gently ran his thumb over Cas' bottom lip. "There's no way that we can both feel this way and have it be wrong." Castiel closed his eyes, savoring the feel of Dean's skin on his face, knowing that heaven was cruel. A lesson Dean should have already learned by now. He reluctantly opened his eyes, putting his hand over Dean's, rubbing his own hand over Dean's before pulling it from his face.

"I am sorry Dean, but we can't do this." The words were slow and pained. They were words that he didn't want to say.

"Why? Then tell me why." Cas could see a mixture of anger, frustration and hurt all working its way into Dean's expression. He had caused that look many more times than he wanted to remember, but there was no way to avoid it this time. "Because Dean, I am here to hunt leviathans, right some wrongs, and fix my mess. I am here for punishment, not pleasure. I have to do what I was told." He hesitated a second, not wanting to finish, but knew he had to. "Then I have to go home." He knew the words would sting, but it was either now or later. Heaven was cruel, cold, and heartless. This was the worst part.

"What if you don't have to go home? What if you could stay here with me?" It was a question that Cas had asked himself many times, but the answer's always the same, he can't. "Dean, please don't do this. Don't make it harder than it already is. I deserve to be punished. I won't hide from that. What I did, what I became, there is no place for forgiveness. I will have to go home. I have no choice and no right to refuse."

"But, would you stay if you could?" Dean wanted an honest answer, not Castiel's simple way of skirting around it. "Yes I would, but what good does it do to pretend that I have that choice? It just makes the reality that much worse."

"But you won't even try to fight them, will you? I'm just not important enough?" Dean's words sent daggers through Castiel's chest. "Dean, you are the most important thing on earth to me. I would fight until the end of time if I could, but I can't." Dean was calm, his eyes clear and his jaw firm. "Then give me just one thing, Cas."

"What Dean? What can I possibly do to make this any better?" Cas was frustrated and slightly angry at the whole situation. "You have a few more minutes before you have to get back to Sam. Let me kiss you. Let me give you that, the right way. Not like before." Castiel tensed. He knew that would solve nothing, probably just make it worse, but when he looked into Dean's perfect green eyes; he just couldn't refuse him anything else.

Cas nodded. Dean leaned in slowly, gently placing his lips to Castiel's. He softly ran them along the angel's lower lip, sucking it into his mouth. Cas' mouth opened slightly with a quiet moan giving Dean an invitation to slide his tongue in, letting it taste every inch of the angel's warm mouth. Castiel could feel heat rapidly building up and was helpless to control the desperate need that this one, simple, soft kiss had unleashed.

He felt Dean's skilled hands gently work their way over his chest, sending chills through his body. The need for more was overwhelming; he knew just a kiss would never be enough. His hands grabbed Dean's short hair and pulled him closer until his head hit the soft fabric of the sofa, Dean on top of him, pulling at the shirt he has wearing, moving his hands beneath it.

They broke the kiss, both gasping for air, but air was less important than the need they felt for each other. Cas pulled Dean's mouth back down to his, sucking Dean's tongue back into his. Dean pulled away a little. "God Cas, if you don't stop, this is gonna turn into more than a kiss." "I want so much more than this kiss, Dean." Cas opened his legs a little farther, letting Dean slip in between them, their bodies touching. Dean moved his mouth to Cas' ear and whispered. "I want you like this, forever." He let the words linger in the angel's ear before softly running his tongue over the sensitive skin just behind Cas' earlobe. Cas arched up into him, their very ready dicks rubbing against each other through unwelcome fabric. Dean returned the movement, running his hands lower. "That's it, baby. Just let go. Let me give you what I know you need." He unbuttoned Cas' shirt and pulled it open, running his tongue down the angel's neck to his soft nipple, using his teeth and tongue to make it aroused and hard. He moved his mouth lower to just above Castiel's belt, running his fingertips down his sides.

"Dean…" Castiel moaned, desperately running his fingers through Deans hair, wanting more. Dean palmed Castiel's dick through his pants, caressing it gently. The movement sent Castiel grinding up into Dean's hand while he pushed Dean's head back down with his hand. "Dean, I want…" The words were breathless and desperate. "Tell me what you want, Castiel." Dean moved his hand again, waiting for Castiel's reply. "More, Dean. Please…" Dean moved his mouth over Castiel's pants, running his teeth along the covered shaft, causing Cas to arch up into his mouth. "I want…"

Before Castiel could finish the sentence, the sound of Dean's cell phone blared a chorus of 'Back in Black'. "Son of a bitch." Dean looked at the caller id, then handed the phone to Cas without answering it. "It's for you. The bodyguard is calling." Dean sat up, pissed as hell at Sam's timing.

"Hello." The words came out gravely and forced. Dean got up and went to the fridge for a beer, knowing play time was officially over. "No, I'm fine, Sam."… "Yes, I know. I'll be right there." … "Just give me a few minutes." … "Yes Sam, I know." … "Nothing's wrong. I'll be right there." … "No, don't turn around. I'll be right there. Two minutes, okay." … "Okay." Cas handed the phone to Dean. "Sam wants to talk to you." Dean took a swallow of his beer then pressed the end button on the phone, throwing it on the table.

"Dean, he's just doing what I asked. Don't do this." Cas buttoned his shirt and straightened his pants. "Whatever, I could care less at the moment." He tugged on Castiel's belt loops, pulling him close. "You don't have to go. He's not your boss."

Castiel didn't want to leave. He wanted to stay and finish what they'd started, but Joshua's words suddenly flashed through his mind as if the angel were speaking directly into his ear. _'Just because you were too blind to see the signs, doesn't mean they weren't provided to you'_. "Yes Dean, I do have to go."

Dean let go of him and stepped back. "Fine, go. But I need you to know that even if you can't fight, I can…and I will." His eyes were suddenly cold and his stare hard. "If you leave, then I'll have to do what I have to do, Cas."

Castiel didn't like the look in Dean's eyes or the tone of his voice. The words alone sent sharp pains through his stomach, almost as if he needed to throw up. "Dean, please don't do anything stupid. Try to understand."

"Oh, I do understand, Cas. I just hope that someday you will. Just go." Dean turned and walked away, not wanting to see his angel disappear.

* * *

Castiel reappeared in the back seat of Bobby's charger making Bobby nearly drive off the road when he spoke. "I'm here." Sam turned around, looking Cas straight in the eyes. It was a little uncomfortable. "Well, did he explain?" Cas silently wished that Sam would mind his own business, but he knew it was his own fault for involving him in the first place. "Yes Sam, he did. And he apologized."

"And that was it? So why did it take you so long?" Sam questioned, not accepting the possibility that it was really that simple. "Sam, you are being incredibly nosey. This is kind of a personal situation." Sam still continued. "So what? You and him a 'thing' now?" Cas was getting a little annoyed. "No Sam, we are not a 'thing'. I don't have time for 'things'. I told him so."

"And you don't have an angel blade sticking out of your neck?" It was the first time Bobby had spoken, still not taking his eyes off the road. "No Bobby, he said that he understood." Cas learned from Dean that when humans wanted something, they lied. What he wanted most of all was silence and no more questions.

Bobby turned to look at Sam who was wearing one of his 'disbelieving' looks that he had perfected over the years. "Don't look at me man, maybe he is okay and just wants a break." Bobby huffed at that. "You really believe that Sam?"

Cas finally relaxed. As long as they were debating each other, they were leaving him alone. He knew that when they got to Bobby's he would have to tell them the whole truth, but for now he just wanted quiet. His stomach was still feeling sick and he didn't want to explain why an angel suddenly had the urge to vomit.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter warnings: torture, violence**

Chapter 8

It was dark and very late before Sam, Bobby and Castiel finally made it back home. Cas knew that he should tell them what happened, but the two looked ragged and warn. When they said they were going to bed, Cas didn't argue. The morning would come soon enough. He was tired too, and confused, and scared; all things that an angel shouldn't be.

Castiel looked around the small sitting room, remembering the last time he had been there. He remembered Dean's words, practically begging him mot to go through with his plans. Dean wasn't really mean of harsh that night. At the time it felt like it, but looking back from the distance of time and experience, Cas knew that he had been a fool. If only he had listened. If only he had gone to Dean instead of following Crowley. So many _'if onlys'._ Time may not bring healing, but it definitely brought clarity.

The sick feeling in his stomach had returned, or maybe it never left. He laid down on the small couch and closed his eyes, wishing that the spinning sensation in his head would stop.

* * *

"Castiel, dude: Are you sleeping?" He opened his eyes to see Sam standing over him, a worried look on his face. Dim sunlight cascaded through the dirty windows, giving the room the eerie feeling of a dream. "Man, you don't look very good." Cas sat up but the movement was wrong, unsteady. The room seemed to spin violently. He resisted the urge to fall back down, knowing that the look of concern on Sam's face would become panic if he did. "I'm fine Sam."

"Bobby, can you bring me a glass of water?" Sam called into the next room. "… and some aspirin." He added after seeing the angel cradle his head in his hands, rubbing his temples. "What did you do; find another liquor store or something?" Bobby walked into the room and handed a glass of water and bottle of pills to Sam, seeing Castiel. "What the hell happened to you? You look like stomped over dog shit."

"Sam – Bobby, we need to talk." Cas took the glass and bottle from Sam and tried to open the bottle but just fumbled with it until it fell on the floor. Sam picked it up, opened it and handed Cas about ten pills. "Ya think, Cas?"

"This has something to do with what happened after we left yesterday, doesn't it?" Bobby pulled a chair up to the couch and sat down. "You didn't tell us the whole truth, did you?" Cas looked up at Bobby, feeling like he was in trouble. "No bobby, I didn't. I was embarrassed and tired and well, sick. I just wanted to pretend it didn't happen. It was all my fault."

Sam took in Castiel's frail and fragile demeanor. The warrior that he had met only a few short years ago, who had become powerful beyond belief; now looked weak and small. This angel had taken on enemies far more powerful than himself and never backed down. Yet his _'only human' _brother seemed to terrify him completely. "Let's not do the 'who's fault is it this time' thing, okay Cas. Just tell us what happened. Sam sat down next to him on the couch.

Cas told them everything that had happened. Unfortunately for Sam and Bobby, he didn't leave anything out. "Dude, you really could have skipped past the porn." Castiel made a poor attempt at a smile. "Sorry Sam, I just wanted you to know that it really was my fault. I shouldn't have…" Bobby cut him off. "Yeah Cas, I'm sure you wouldn't have if that woman didn't mess with your head too." Cas looked over at Bobby, wishing that he could confirm his suspicion, but he just couldn't. "It wasn't her, Bobby. I'm sorry, but the feeling has been there for a while. It was 'all me'."

"So then, is Dean just 'all Dean' too?" Sam asked, but he wasn't sure how he wanted the question answered. It would mean that there was a big part of his brother that he didn't know at all, never even suspected. "I don't know. I thought it was, but I just don't know." Sam was almost grateful for the answer. He stood up and walked into the kitchen, returning with a beer in hand. "I can see how what he said spooked you, really I can. Cas, he just doesn't like not getting his way. Could be he was just talking out his ass." Sam didn't really believe that. When Dean Winchester wanted something, he usually got it, no matter who or what got in his way. "It wasn't just the words. It's more a feeling I have that something is very wrong."

Bobby spoke, knowing that Cas wasn't going to budge on his belief that it was all him and nothing else. Hell, this angel barely understood any human references, now all of a sudden he and Dean have this inescapable love thing, right out of a chick flick - Bullshit. "Well, this just means that we go get him. If he won't come quietly, we make him. The three of us aughta be able to get the job done." Bobby looked at Cas. "You gonna follow our lead Cas, even if Dean doesn't like it?" Cas looked at him, confused. "What do you mean?" "We need to bring him home to protect him. No offense Cas, but if he fights us on it, I need to know that you aren't gonna side with him." Cas gave him a glare. "Why would I do that? I'm the one that told you there was something wrong."

Bobby shook his head looking to Sam for a little help explaining. "Cas, no one's blaming you, but you seem to give Dean whatever he wants lately. We're just worried that you'll side with him if he tells you to." Castiel thought about it for a moment, and then dismissed the thought. "I know you don't see it, but you're not right either. Trust me Cas, this aint all you or all Dean. You're just confused." Bobby stood and started out the room. "Get your gear; we got a long drive ahead of us."

"I can get us there Bobby. We don't need to drive." Cas tried to stand, but wobbled a little. "Yeah, I don't think so. The way you're acting, we could wind up in Canada." Bobby left to pack up, rolling his eyes as he left the room. Sam craned his neck to be sure Bobby was gone before he spoke. "I know it's not my business, but I know there's been something between the two of you for a while. I just don't think either of you would have acted on it without some sort of influence." Cas started to protest, but Sam simply held up his hand to stop him before he started. "You and Dean both have an incredibly bad habit of refusing to take advice and it's done a lot of damage. Just stifle the ego for a minute and hear me out. You know there's something off here. Let us call the shots till we figure everything out. Bobby usually gets things right and I think you know that."

Castiel didn't feel like arguing. They had made up their minds and he knew, better than anyone, that there would be no changing it. "Well, I guess we better get going then. Sitting here talking will just irritate him more." Sam grinned. He knew that Castiel was just humoring him, but at least it was a start. He got up and grabbed the duffle bag that he never even got a chance to unpack and headed for the door, glancing back at Castiel. "You need help walking, Cas? You don't look very steady there." "No Sam, I'm fine." There was no way that he was fine, but the sickness was slowly passing. "Can we stop for some food on the way?" Bobby walked into the room just in time to hear the unusual request. "Yeah, there's nothing wrong with you at all." Sam shot Bobby a 'why did you have to say that' look. "Yeah, we'll get you something, Cas."

* * *

When they pulled up to the house, it was nothing like they remembered. "You sure we're at the right place, Bobby?" Sam looked around, confused by the sudden change. Cas was feeling a little more like himself after the drive and eating two cheeseburgers and some fries. "This is the right place, but it's different now."

Weeds and vines clung to the outside of the house. Windows were dirty and broken. The front door was held on by a single hinge, the once fresh paint was now dry and peeling, as though untouched for years. "What the hell?" Bobby walked up to the door and pushed it aside. "Well, you two waiting for a formal invitation? Let's go."

The inside of the house was in worse condition than the outside. The furniture was worn and covered with dirt and dust. Cob webs hung over the light fixtures and vines had grown through the broken floor boards. "This can't be good." Sam looked around, unable to believe this was the same home he had been in less than twenty-four hours ago.

"Cas, you have any idea what happened here?" Castiel looked around, not saying a word. "It looks like this place has been abandoned for years." Bobby spoke up. "So what? Nothing we saw here was real? Like a hologram or something? Sam was more than a little unnerved.

"Cas, you gotta say something, man. This can't be good." Cas looked like he was staring down the face of an angel-eating monster as he continued to take in the sight. "The only thing I know of that can create such realistic holograms, as you call it, are angels….very powerful ones." Sam gave him a confused glance. "Why would angels do this?" Cas could only think of one reason, but he dared not speak it. The crazy, messed up illusion was better than facing an even worse reality. "I don't know, Sam." He spoke the words mechanically, as if uninterested in Sam at all, his eyes moving around the ruined house, as if searching for something. _'But this changes everything'_. He added to himself.

"Well, Library then?" Bobby headed out the door, not entirely sure that this Podunk town even had a library.

* * *

"I think I found something, guys." Sam brought a print-out over to the table shared by Bobby and Castiel.

**Tragedy in the Town**

_Saturday morning the body of Roger Manfield was discovered by a concerned co-worker. _

_Mr. Manfield's body was badly mutilated, the apparent victim of a wild animal attack._

_Mr. Manfield was a lifelong resident of Algonquin. An accomplished architect, he opened 'Manfield Home Designs' in 2003 _

_at the age of 26. His funeral will be held June 22, 2007 at Sunny Lawn Funeral Home. Burial will follow._

_Authorities are still searching for his wife of four years, Kristine Manfield. Ms. Manfield was last seen Friday, _

_leaving her office. Police fear that Ms. Manfield may be injured and urge anyone who _

_may have any information to come forward._

_Police further urge caution to anyone venturing into the wooded areas until the animal in question has been captured._

"It gets better. I found a picture of the lovely couple." He threw the picture down on the table directly in front of Castiel. "Notice anything different?" Cas looked up at Sam, knowing exactly what he meant. "She doesn't really look like me. It was a trap." Bobby looked closer at the picture. "We sure that this is even the same girl?" "Yeah, same general features. Hair and eyes are the only real difference." Sam put the picture in his folder along with the copy of the news article and closed it up. "We need to find my brother-Now." If Sam was trying to hide his panic, he wasn't doing a very good job.

Bobby looked around, a little lost at their current situation. "We need to find a few things, but I think I may be able to do a locator spell to find his approximate location. It won't be exact, but it should get us close enough. "You get me close enough and I'll be able to find him." Bobby and Sam looked at Castiel as if he'd spoken Enochian. "How?" They asked at the same time. "I just can." They decided not to pursue the question, seeing that Cas was not in the right frame of mind to explain much of anything.

Cas walked away, running his hand over a small table as he moved past it, as if trying to be sure it was real. "Bobby, he knows more than he's saying." Bobby rolled his eyes yet again. "Yeah, ya think, genius."

* * *

"We should do this back at Kristie's house. That's the last place we know Dean actually was." They gathered up the needed supplies and drove back to the desolate home.

Bobby pulled out the small kitchen table and sat a bowl in the middle, placing two candles on each side. He threw the ingredients into the bowl then held his hand out to Sam. "Something of Deans?" Sam handed him an old identification card with the name 'Steven Plant' on it. Bobby put it on top of the mixture and lit the candles. "Locant qui habet proprietatem. Ostendere me ubi est." Bobby took a candle in each hand and lit fire to the bowl. It blazed with red fames before going out. Bobby grabbed his head and fell to his knees.

"Bobby, are you alright?" Sam ran over to help Bobby get up. "I know where he is, lets go." Cas grabbed his shoulder. "Tell me. It will be quicker if I take us." Bobby rubbed his temples. "It's a warehouse in Wyoming." He gave them the location as exact as he could.

In an instant the trio were standing outside an old abandoned building. Dean's impala was parked outside. "I don't see a way in." They walked completely around the perimeter, but there were no windows or doors to be found on any side. "What the hell do we do now, tunnel in?" Bobby asked, but he knew that some type of spell had made the place a fortress. "I can get in." Cas took a step, but Sam pulled him back. "Wait, Cas. They went through all the trouble to keep us out and didn't bother to angel proof? That sound right to you?"

Cas shook Sam's hand off his shoulder. "It doesn't matter. Dean is in there. I'll get him. You two wait here, I'll be quick." Cas was gone before either could argue.

* * *

"Hi Cas. Glad you could make it." Kristie smiled with a sweetness that Cas knew was just a mask. Dean was standing a few feet away, watching. "Dean, are you okay?" He didn't answer, just kept watching. "Sorry Cas, Dean's not home right now."

"So what, you did all this just to trap Dean? To what end?" Kristie tilted her head to the side in a mock expression of confusion. "Not exactly, angel. We did it to trap you." She smiled and nodded to Dean. He pulled a book of matches from his pocket and lit on, dropping it to the floor. A ring of fire blazed around Castiel, trapping him. Dean looked up at him and smiled. "I told you this wasn't over."

Cas ignored Dean, training his eyes on Kristie. "You really don't think I came here alone, do you?" A new face suddenly appeared outside the circle. "No, I suppose not, but neither did she." The familiar voice paused for effect. "And before you get too confident, know that your help is very safely locked outside. Poor moose, lost big bro and angel BFF all in the same week." The anger on Castiel's face apparent. "Crowley, What is this?

Crowley walked around the fire with a look of victory in his smug smile. "You see Ducky, I took great offence to your reach around. I respect it, sure. But I can't have little grunt angels making me look bad. Not good for business, even worse for the ego." Castiel looked around the building, searching for some possible way out of this mess, still very aware of the gloating demon. "What's she got to do with it?" He nodded to Kristie. "What, you think you're the only one allowed to have pets?" Crowley smirked. "And I know how to train mine. You would be amazed at the tricks she can do." He walked over to Kristie and placed a hand on her shoulder. Castiel noticed how she tensed at his touch.

"So, all this was you. All because I wounded your pride." Crowley moved his hand from Kristie and walked to the edge of the fire. "Well, there's a little more to it than that, sweetie. It'd just bore you really. What ya say we get on with our show." He turned to Dean. "Oh Dean, a token of my gratitude." Crowley threw him a golden bracelet with unreadable markings on it. Dean turned it over in his hand, inspecting it. "What's this?" Crowley smiled. "Let's just say it will make our little birdie here a whole lot easier to handle." Dean smiled. "You mean…" "That's right Dean. Mojo go bye-bye. Nothing but flesh and blood for you to play with however you want." Dean's smile widened as he looked down at the bracelet, then moved his eyes up to the trapped angel. "Now this is gonna be a whole lot of fun."

Kristie put a hand on Dean's shoulder, drawing his gaze away from Castiel. "look at me Dean. Who do you see when you look into my eyes, Dean?" "Cas, I see Cas." "That's right Dean. I'm Castiel and I'm gonna leave you, just like everyone else. I was only following orders, Dean. You mean nothing to me. You never did." Kristie's words were cold and heartless. Hearing them spoken, even if from someone else's lips, sent a sharp pain through Castiel's chest. "Dean, please don't listen to her." He screamed at Kristie. "You bitch, let him go!" Seeing that Kristie wouldn't listen he turned to Crowley. "This is our fight, Crowley. He has nothing to do with this. Please, do what you want to me, I won't fight you. Just please let him go."

Crowley looked up at him and grinned, the pure pleasure of knowing that he was getting exactly the response he wanted was written all over his face. "Now where's the fun in that, angel? No, I think that Dean has a very important role to play. You see Ducky, you're gonna spend eternity on my rack and lover boy is gonna spend eternity slicing you up." He took a step back, admiring his work. "Look at the bright side; at least you'll have each other."

Castiel turned back to Dean, finally realizing how bad this situation really was and just how helpless he was to stop it. Dean could not do this, it would destroy him. He had to get through. "Dean, look at me. This is a trick. I do not want to leave you. I promise you that I don't want to leave you. You mean everything to me. Look at me Dean, not her. She is not me." Kristie walked forward, placing her hand on Dean's shoulder again. "Don't bother, Cas. It won't work. He's completely mine now. I am sorry, I wish it could be different." Cas knew that getting through to Dean wasn't gonna work. He was trapped and running out of time. He saw the way she cringed at Crowley's touch and knew the sorrow in her eyes was very real. Maybe he could get through to her.

"I get why Crowley's doing this, he's an evil bastard. Why are you? Let him go, Kristie. You don't have to do this." She heard the words, but brushed them off, looking up at him through pained eyes. A tear rolled down her face. "Sorry Cas, but I do."

Crowley laughed. "Ah yes, poor little innocent Kristie. It's true, she doesn't want to do this. Developed a soft spot for you, I'm afraid. I'm such a horrible monster, making her do such evil things." He moved behind her, turning her gaze away from Castiel. "But Kris, something you should know before you waste another tear on him." His expression finally took on a note of seriousness. "It was all of a sudden when everything got really bad for you, wasn't it?" Kristie looked up at him, holding back tears. "Yeah, up till then the magic and some other things were enough. I could deal." He smiled up at Castiel, still talking to Kristie. "Everyone like you is assigned a guardian, Kris. I'm shocked Cas didn't tell you, he's usually such a straight shooter. That guardian is the one who keeps the pain in check. Your condition is not usually all that debilitating. It's a difficult life, sure, but not usually deadly."

He moved her to face Castiel, speaking into her ear. "You see Kris, the pretty little angel over there decided to start a war in heaven. Had a whole 'if you're not with me, you're against me' thing going. Real dictator-sexy actually. Your guardian Kris… she said no." With the sudden knowledge of everything, she realized that everything, all of her pain was because of Castiel. She looked at him one last time, before pulling her gaze away.

It was that moment, that pained look in Kristie's eyes, that finally made Castiel realize that he had been wrong all along. He wouldn't have to go home. He would never be able to because there was no end to the damage he had done. There was no way he could ever fix everything or even know the full extent of it. Kristie turned to Dean and placed a hand on his shoulder. "The fire won't burn you, Dean." She handed him a shiny angel blade. "Do what you want to him, but don't kill him. Put the bracelet on so we can put the fire out. You will find all kinds of cool toys to play with in this room. Enjoy." Her words were quick and uncaring, completely different from the calm and calculating voice she had used earlier. She left the room, never looking back up from the floor.

"Well, I'll just give you two some privacy then. Oh, and Dean, Really do try not to kill him. That would spoil all the fun." Suddenly and finally, Dean was alone with Cas.

Dean took a step through the fire, letting his eyes look up at Castiel, a cold grin on his face. "Hi Honey, Did you miss me?" He circled around the angel, Castiel following his movement like a predator toying with its prey. "With Sammy always hogging all your attention, we hardly even talk any more. How bout we catch up?" Castiel could tell by the look in his eyes, that Dean was completely lost in his role.

"Dean, you don't want to do this." He stopped circling, his eyes glued to the angel. He put a finger to his lip, mocking a gesture of intense thought. He took a step closer, letting his eyes roll up and down Castiel's rigid frame. His smile widened as his eyes rested on Castiel's. "You know what, Cas? I really do." He took another step, the angel blade sliced down violently into Castiel's forearm sending him crashing to the ground in agony.

Dean grabbed his injured arm and locked the bracelet into place before Castiel could regain the strength to fight back. The bracelet glowed, then disappeared beneath the skin, leaving behind what looked like a tattoo of golden angel sigils on his wrist. The holy fire disappeared from around them, leaving them in the murky darkness of the dust filled room. A single bulb, the only light. Dean brutally pulled the blade out of Cas' arm and took a step back.

* * *

Crowley playfully patted the couch cushion next to him. "Come sit down kitten, enjoy the show. I made popcorn. And loose that ridiculous costume, it's disturbing." He popped a few into his mouth, staring intently at the TV monitor. Kristie swiped her hand down her face and was instantly transformed. "Can I please go? I did everything you asked." She was pale and lightheaded. Crowley looked at her and huffed. "What? Still find this line of work distasteful? After what I told you in there, I would think you'd want to see some retribution passed out."

She rolled her eyes. "Revenge is never a cure, you ass. Your need for it is nothing but a weakness. You may have bought my service, but you'll never own my soul." He gave he a smug look. "Fine, go. More popcorn for me." With a snap of his fingers, Crowley sent her away. "I'll deal with you later, kitten." He said to the air as if she were still there. His eyes went back to the monitor, waiting for the fun to start.

As soon as she was away, Kristie picked up her cell phone and dialed Sam Winchester's number. Sam recognized the number immediately and answered on the first ring. "Kris, what the hell? Let them go, Now!" His tone was shaky and panicked. Every part of him knew that something was very wrong.

"Listen carefully, I don't have much time. You have to get in there and get them out." Her tone was calm and controlled again. He fought back the urge to scream at her, or something. "Get the out how, Kris? There's no way in." He slammed his hand against the very solid outer wall. "It's only a warding spell, just an illusion. You can get in, you just have to find the way. You need to hurry."

The line went dead.

* * *

Cas tried to get up, but Dean walked over and pushed him back down, keeping a boot on his chest. "Here's how this is gonna go. You're gonna do every single thing I tell you to." He moved his foot and kneeled down, straddling Castiel, sitting on his waist. His knees pressed down on the angel's hands, effectively pinning him to the ground. Dean leaned down, whispering into the angel's ear. "I'm gonna do things to you that even you could never dream up." "Dean, you have to stop…" Dean's fist slammed into Castiel's mouth before he could finish. "Shut up." Castiel's face twisted to the side. Dean regained his calm demearor as quickly as he lost it.

He pulled a shiney golden knife out of his pocket and placed it to Castiel's lip. A drop of blood dripped down the angel's already swollen chin. "This is a very special knife, Cas. It's made just for your kind. See, the blade is infused with holy oil. All I have to do is touch you with it and you'll bleed for me, just like a good little bitch."

To prove his sincerity, Dean slid the knife down Cas' chest, then neck. He cut through the tie, then through the shirt. It took all Cas' strength not to cry out in pain. "Dean please, this isn't you." Dean looked up and stared into Castiel's eyes. "Oh, this is very much me. You, of all people, should know just how much this is me." He picked Castiel's chin up, examining the thin line of blood that marked the blade's path. I think I'll carve my name into your chest, that way you'll never forget who you belong to and exactly who I am." Cas screamed out, unable to hide the agony in each cut that Dean made into his all too human, but not quite, flesh.

Dean leaned down and ran his tongue over the bleeding cuts, smearing the blood as he worked his way up Cas' neck to his mouth. He forced the blood soaked tongue into Castiel's mouth, shoving his tongue down Cas' throat as far as he could. Cas gagged and spit, finally getting Dean to stop. Dean wiped the blood from his mouth with the back of his hand and wiped it on his pants.

"We can do this for the rest of eternity, Cas. You have one way to get me to stop and one way only." He stood up and looked down at Castiel. "Just three, simple, easy words and I stop hurting you. Dean took out his small side knife and slid it down the angel's cheek, leaving a thin line of blood in its path. "Tell me you want me and all this ends." Cas looked directly into Dean's green eyes, searching for some sign of regret or hesitation. When he found none, he knew that this was gonna play out. He couldn't fix this. "Do what you have to; I'll die before I tell you that."

Dean smiled. "I suppose you would. Unfortunately for you, I can't kill you, but I can make this very unpleasant."

Dean crouched down next to Cas and gently ran his fingers through his hair, placing a soft kiss on the angel's bleeding cheek. Just as Castiel began to think this nightmare may be over, Dean grabbed a handful of it and jerked him up, and threw him into a wall with a strength Cas didn't know Dean had. Dean pulled the ruined shirt off and tossed it aside. He pulled out a pair of handcuffs and attached them to a hook in the cement wall. He pulled Castiel up and secured his hands above his head, facing the cold stone wall.

"Do you have any idea how much you hanging there, bleeding and bruised turns me on, Angel? Dean ran his hands slowly down Castiel's back, feeling Castiel shake a little at his touch. "I love the way my touch makes you tremble." He dug his fingers into Castiel's hips, pulling him back. Dean rubbed his crotch against Castiel's ass, giving him a taste of just how turned on he was.

"Tell me you want me, Angel." He breathed the words into Castiel's ear while he reached around to slide his hand down Cas' pants, massaging his cock until it was hard and sticky with precome. "See how much you want me, Castiel. Your dick can't lie." He pulled his hand out to carass Castiel's ass. "I could take you right now if I wanted to. Sammy's not here to save you this time, Angel." He slid his hand down the back of Castiel's pants, running his fingers over the bare flesh.

Castiel fought against the urge to scream again, refusing to show how terrified he really was. Not for himself, but for Dean. Three words would make it end. It was getting harder for him to hold them back. "I want …Dean. You're not Dean, not really, not any more. I can't stop you, but I won't give you permission. I don't care what you do, now. The only think I care about is gone."

Dean shoved him hard into the wall. "Oh, you will care. I promise you that." Dean picked up a thin leather whip from the stack of toys he was left with. "Got a little surprise for you." Dean lightly kissed the soft skin behind Cas' right ear, working his way down Castiel's neck. When the angel's head fell back, Dean wrapped the cord around it and pulled. He held the cord tightly in his left hand as Cas struggled for air. Dean reached up with his left hand and released the cuffs from the wall. The added weight caused the cord to cut deeply into Castiel's neck as he fell to the ground.

Dean released the cord from Castiel's neck and pulled him up by his hair, lifting him to his knees, beads of blood running down his chest. "Look who's kneeling now, your highness…Get up!" Castiel obeyed, legs shaky, almost stumbling, but he stood. Still gripping Castiel's hair, Dean shoved his head backwards. He leaned in and bit down on the wound, allowing the crimson blood to slide off his teeth and lips. Castiel cried out, no longer able to stand. He fell back to his knees, eyes closed as if in prayer. "Dean please…" he begged, the words barely audible.

"You are already mine, Angel. Just say the words and this ends." Castiel looked up, his eyes fighting to stay open. "You are not Dean. Just kill me. I won't say the words."

Dean had enough. His anger burning into a rage. "All you had to do was stay." He threw Cas into a pile of broken boards and 2X4's that were piled in the corner. Cas landed on his back, sharp edges piercing his flesh in too many places.

Dean walked over and climbed up on the boards to straddle Cas. His weight pushed the sharp wood even further into Cas' broken body. "This can end, Cas….three words."

Cas looked Dean directly in the eyes. "Look at me Dean." Blood dripped down the side of his mouth. "Please see me. I want Dean." He choked, coughing up more blood, his eyes still locked on Dean's. "I want the man I saved from all this. I want the man I fought side by side with. I want the man I choose over everything. I want my Dean, the Dean I would never leave." Remarkably, tears fell from his eyes. Dean had never seen the angel cry, didn't know he could. He brought a hand up to Cas' cheek and felt a tear roll over his fingers. He stared at it like it was alive.

"Dean…" Cas coughed more blood and shivered beneath Dean. Dean looked down and saw the angel dying. Reality finally slammed into him. "Oh God, Cas." Dean's hands started shaking as he tried to wipe the blood from Castiel's chin, but there was too much blood. There was blood everywhere. "I'm so sorry. Please hang on; I'll get you out of here."

Cas reached up to Dean, putting his hands shakily on Dean's face. "I want you." The words were a mere breath, but tears rolled down Dean's cheeks as they were spoken.

Dean picked Cas up. "Please don't die Cas, I need you." He begged as he looked for the way out. He saw the opening and moved as fast as he could. "We're headed to the door. Hold on, okay." Dean took a hold of the handle. He expected it to be locked, but it wasn't. The door opened and Sam came running. "Bobby, over here!" Sam took Castiel from Dean's arms. "What the hell happened to him? Dean's eyes watered again, more tears falling. "I did, Bobby. I did this. Please help him." "We'll try kid."

* * *

"Kris, Kris, Kris…. Really, I'm hurt. You would really trade your life for that freakin angel who turned your world into a living hell?" Kris turned to see Crowley standing behind her, an annoyed looked across his face.

"He's punishing himself more than anyone else could. No one knows how much he hates himself." She tried to explain, knowing the demon could care less. "No one, but of course, you: Am I right? I guess I can't fault you for being, well…you." He smirked and continued. "I'm sure that Shaggy and Scooby have found a way out of their current situation, they always do. Of course, your call to Sam was just a distraction to get me here and away from them. You do play a good game, pet. But, there is always a price for duplicity, darling."

She looked at him, unwilling to show fear. "So? Whats the price?" Crowley grinned. "I wanna play a game. You like games, you'll like this one. I like to call it the double agent game." She nodded. "The rules?" Crowley circled around her, taking a sip from the glass he was carrying. "Tell them the truth. Convince the four stooges to come to your rescue after everything you've done and I give you the necklace." She considered this. "And if they won't come to my rescue?" Crowley beamed. "Then I get your soul."

"Agreed." She agreed a little to fast for Crowley liking. "Before you agree, know that you can't tell them about this game. If you do, I win. You can't tell them the stakes. If you do, I win. Until the game ends, you still work for me. If you don't, I win. I know how much your precious soul means to you, pet. Be sure before you accept."

She smiled. "I accept." He took another swallow and arched his eyebrows at her. "Darling, you either have way too much faith in their capacity for compassion or you're so sure of your skills that it will be you undoing." She took the glass from his hand and drank what was left. "Maybe it's a little of both."

_**Notes: So sorry, guys. I really hated to do this, but it was necessary and had to be pretty bad, for reasons that will become apparent in later chapters. I promise that next chapter will have some super-sweet fluff in it to make up for this.**_

_**Thanks again for reading and reviewing. You guys are the best.**_


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

"Bobby, there's so much blood. Give me something, anything." Bobby took his jacket and over shirt off, throwing them at Sam. "Just get in the car; we'll take care of this at the motel." Sam put Castiel in the back seat of the Impala and slid in beside him, trying to apply pressure to way too many wounds.

"Get in the front seat, Dean. Sam will take care of him." Bobby glared, unbelieving at Dean. He couldn't process this right now; there hadn't been enough time for everything to sink in. "Now!" He added harshly when it looked like Dean wasn't gonna listen.

Castiel coughed up more blood, coming to just briefly. "Dean?" Sam wiped the blood from his face. "It's okay, Cas, we're gonna fix you, just hang in there." Cas looked up at Sam before his eyes closed again.

"What the hell happened in there, Dean?" Dean just put his head down in his hands and tried not to think about his friend dying in the back seat, still calling his name after everything he'd done.

* * *

The motel room was cold and damp, but it was safer than the back seat of the car. Sam gently laid Cas down on the bed, being careful of his wounds. He started cleaning the injured areas, immediately realizing that at least four different types of weapons were used.

He tried to concentrate on keeping calm, but when he had wiped enough blood up to see the area that Dean carved his name, he lost it. "This wasn't just a fight, was it Dean?" Dean looked up from the chair, pitifully. "No, it wasn't." He couldn't look his brother in the eyes. He knew that he had let everyone down, but Sammy most of all. "But how, Dean? You shouldn't have been able to…" Dean threw an angel blade and the smaller golden knife on the small motel table without saying a word. "Why?" It was all Sam could think to say. Dean didn't answer. He got up and moved towards the bed, but Sam jumped up, blocking his way. "No, just…No! You stay the hell away from him. I promised not to leave him alone with you, now I am promising not to let you anywhere near him." Sam couldn't contain his anger any longer.

"Please Sam, I need to be with him right now and he needs me." Sam punched him square in the jaw, sending him flying back into the table, effectively smashing it. "Stay the hell back, Dean." He turned to Bobby. "Keep him away Bobby, please." Sam was breathing heavily, a little angry and a lot afraid of his reaction. He had always been the level headed one. "Just keep him away." He said in a lower tone.

Bobby helped Dean up. "Son, you need to go get cleaned up." He looked at Dean with the eyes of a father, not a hunter. "Go get showered and changed. I'll talk to Sam." Without a word, Dean walked into the bathroom and closed the door. He turned the water on so he couldn't hear what he knew Sam was about to say to Bobby. _'He's a monster'_. Dean knew that was what Sam saw. The image staring back at him from the dirty bathroom mirror more than confirmed it. Smeared blood still stained his mouth and chin, clothes covered with gore. He closed his eyes and had to hold on to the small bathroom sink to keep from falling over as memories of what happened flashed through his mind. _He was a monster_.

* * *

Cas moved a little on the bed and tried to speak. They only word Sam could understand was 'want'. "Try to say it again, Cas. What do you want?" Sam looked to Bobby, shaking his head. "Dean". Bobby took his hat off a wiped his head, the frustration growing to a boiling point. "What the hell?" Sam asked Bobby, hoping he had some explanation.

"I don't know Sam, but I think you might wanna let Dean tend to him." Sam looked at him like he had spoken Chinese. "Look at him Bobby. Why the hell would he want Dean anywhere near him? We must be misunderstanding." Bobby put a hand on Sam's shoulder. He had a pretty good idea how much this had to upset him and why, but he didn't want to poke that bear just yet. "I don't know Sam, but let's face facts here. We don't know how to fix him and those bandages are already soaked through." He took his hand from Sam's shoulder and looked at Castiel. "Sam, he may be an angel, but it really doesn't look good right now. Hell, if he was human he'd already be dead. Keeping them apart is just cruel."

"Cruel? I'm the one being cruel?" He pointed to Castiel. "He carved his damn name into his chest, Bobby. "What isn't cruel about that?" Bobby tried to put his hand back on Sam's shoulder, but Sam just pushed him away. "It's bad Sam. I get that. But we don't know what happened in there. What we do know is that neither one of them was quite right to begin with. I think we need to let Dean be with him just in case there's no 'later'."

"No Bobby! I know you think he was under some kind of spell or something, but I don't know." Sam couldn't shake the idea that Dean was guilty in this. "Sam, he's your brother. He would never believe that you could be capable of this if the role was reversed. He'd defend you, did once, actually." Sam shook his head. He remembered when he had been possessed by Meg. Dean had never faltered in his belief that Sam was incapable of doing what she made him do.

"Yeah Bobby, I know he's my brother. That's the only reason he's still breathing. And yeah, I remember how he defended me; the difference is that I know he's capable of this because he told me he was. He also told me he liked doing crap like this. It's his version of Demon blood, Bobby." Bobby looked a little surprised. He knew what Dean did in Hell, but he hadn't known about the 'liking' part. "Look Sam, let's just give him the benefit of the doubt, at least. This is Dean we're talking about, not some stranger." Bobby thought that it might be a good time to poke that bear after all. "Sam, all kinds of hell memories just came crashing down on you. I'm sure they used Dean against you a time or two, only makes sense. You were in there with two arch angels, not demons. I get the feeling they are a little more creative with their ideas of torture." Sam started to argue, but Bobby stopped him. "I don't want or need any details unless you need to share. What I'm saying is that you're too close to this. Take a step back."

"Fine, when he gets out, I'll back off. I'm not gonna argue with you here about the state of my head, Bobby. I'm not Dean. What happened, happened. It's over now and I am dealing with it. I get what you're saying, I really do. But Bobby, I can't tell you why, but every instinct I have is telling me not to trust him. Not just now, before too, when we left Cas with him at Kristie's." Sam looked at Bobby, trying to see even a fragment of understanding. "He asked me not to leave him alone with Dean. Twice I broke that promise and look what happened." Bobby was tired of everyone blaming themselves for everything. The guilt between the four of them was so thick that someone was eventually gonna crack, it they hadn't already, which they probably had, come to think of it. "Sam, this isn't your fault. Do you really think anyone could ever stop him from running to Dean's rescue? He's been doing it since he pulled Dean out of hell."

Sam looked over to Castiel, laying so still and quiet. "Why isn't he healing?" "My guess is there's something keeping him from it." He pointed to the two blades lying on the floor. "Those knives over there are both made special for angels. Those are Enochian symbols on the gold one. What we need here, is an angel to fix him. I doubt any of those are gonna show up any time soon." Sam shook his head. "So what, we just sit here and watch him die?" Bobby patted his back sympathetically. "What choice do we have, Sam?"

* * *

Dean slowly walked out of the bathroom, eyes on the angel. He wondered if he could pretend that he didn't overhear half their conversation. Motel room walls were not made to keep out words you didn't want to hear. Bobby walked over to him, seeing the look of loss in his eyes. No matter what the circumstances, this was Dean. Family shouldn't turn on each other just because one of them does something wrong. He put his arm around him and pulled him toward Cas. "I think you need to go to him, Dean. Make whatever peace you need to." He released his arms and watched as a single tear rolled down his cheek. "He asked for you."

Dean walked over to the bed cautiously, expecting Sam to hit him again. But the blow never came, just an icy stare of uncertainty and contempt. Hell, he was in no place to argue, he felt the same way about himself at the moment. He looked straight at Sam, hoping that he could read and understand the _'I'm sorry'_ that was written in the water pooling into his eyes. When Sam simply turned away, Dean walked over to the bed and laid down next to his angel. Yeah, Cas was his now. His to spend the rest of eternity making amends to for what he'd done. He knew that if Cas survived there would be no judgment or even anger, just unspoken forgiveness and the same damned loyalty there had always been. A loyalty he failed time and again to deserve.

Dean pulled himself as close to Castiel as he possibly could without actually touching him, afraid that he would hurt him. Castiel slowly moved his head to Dean's chest. More tears fell down Dean's face as he put his arms around the angel's shoulders, pulling him to himself. "I'm so sorry." He softly stroked the angel's hair and face, leaning in to place a gentle kiss on his head. "You have to be okay, Cas." Cas didn't say anything, but tried to turn his face up to Deans before his eyes closed again. Dean pressed his lips to Cas' forehead, realizing that he was running a dangerously high fever. "Bobby, can you bring me a damp towel or something? He's burning up." Bobby went to the sink and wet a small cloth and brought it over. "Dean, do you have any idea how you were able to hurt him in the first place or why he isn't healing himself?" Dean took the cloth and held it over Castiel's forehead, then ran it down his cheeks and behind his ears, trying to cool him down. "No Bobby. I have no idea." He kissed Cas' head again to see if the cool cloth was working.

Sam was letting the sight make him visibly nauseous. He didn't see the tenderness in what his brother was doing. All he could picture was an abused pet, still faithful to a cruel and sadistic owner. God knew he didn't want to see his brother this way, but he couldn't pull his mind from it. Bobby saw Sam's growing agitation and quietly pulled him towards the door before Sam could yell at Dean or worse. Sam picked the two knives up off the floor and followed Bobby out the door, needing to get away, anywhere but there.

"You need to calm down, Sam." Sam just shook his head, running his hands through his hair. "I can't Bobby. I've seen a hell of a lot over the years, but that in there makes my skin crawl. I'm getting tired of saying _'what the hell?'_ Bobby, but what the hell?" Bobby was just as confused as Sam, but someone had to hold it together. "Let's just go back in there and get Dean to tell us exactly what happened. Maybe then we can make some sense out of this mess." Sam shook his head. "No, Bobby. I can't sit in there and calmly talk this out. Not this time." "Sam, we've known there was something going on between them for a while now. Why does them holding each other suddenly bother you so much?"

Sam looked shocked by Bobby's veiled accusation. "This isn't about them liking each other. I'd take a full-on make out session over what's going on in there. You didn't get a good look at his neck Bobby. I don't even want to think about how Dean did that. How could Cas want him in the same room, let alone cuddle up to him? It's like Lucifer showing up at the door and me greeting him with a big hug and kiss, telling him how much I missed him. It's sickening." Bobby looked at him and nodded. "So now you're comparing your brother to Lucifer? What the hell's wrong with you Sam? You ever once stop to think that might be part of the plan?" Sam took a deep breath, remembering his own words telling Castiel that Bobby was usually right. "I just can't… not yet."

"We'll figure this out Sam. We always do." "Yeah, Bobby. I keep hearing that, but instead everything just keeps getting worse. He shifted a little putting his hand into his pocket, pulling out a set of car keys. "You know what; I need to get away for a while. Get a drink, maybe I'll even pick up some random chick." He paused, looked up at Bobby and spoke with a lighter tone. "Please don't leave them alone. I know you trust him but…please just don't." Sam started to walk away, feeling a little guilty for leaving Bobby alone with this mess. Bobby followed him to the car with a disapproving look. "So what? You gonna start acting like Dean all of a sudden?" Sam opened the car door and got in, giving Bobby a quick glance. "Don't you think someone should?"

* * *

Sam was on his third beer when an attractive red head sat down at his table. Long strawberry blond curls framed clear hazel eyes. A few freckles dotted her nose and cheeks. She was pretty in a 'cute' way, but certainly not beautiful. "Kristie…. You have some nerve showing up anywhere near me. I should shoot you right here in front of everyone." The words came through gritted teeth, his stare like ice. She met his stare with her own. "Go ahead, but then who else are you gonna find with the power to fix your broken angel?"

His expression softened a little until he remembered just how devious her outward appearance usually was. "What makes you think that I would even consider letting you anywhere near him?" When he picked up his beer to take another drink, she grabbed it from his hand and slammed it to the table. "Look, all I did was what I was paid to do. No one was supposed to die. We told him twice not to kill him." There was no smile on her face or controlled calmness in her voice. She actually looked angry and that made him wonder.

"We? So who else, Kristie?" Before she answered, she called the waitress over and had her remove the half full beer bottle and ordered them two waters instead. "Crowley." She told him after the waitress had left. "If I set the whole warehouse thing up, I get something in return. Unfortunately I'm still in his service for now, but like I said, it wasn't supposed to get that bad. I'm only here to fix what went wrong." The waitress returned with the water. "I don't make mistakes Sam. I don't know why it went that far." He could sense that she was angry, but couldn't figure out why.

"How the hell can I believe a word you say? If Crowley was involved, Dean would have said something. It would have gotten him off the hook." "He didn't?" She seemed legitimately surprised. "No, I think he was probably more concerned with the fact that you and your head games almost made him kill someone he cares a great deal about. And I really haven't given him much of a chance to explain, either." He felt a surge of guilt as he recalled how obnoxious he had been. He wasn't very fair to his brother.

Kristie frowned and seemed a little uncomfortable before she brushed it off and changed the subject. "Look, here's reason to believe me: I have the power to make you do whatever I want. Don't doubt that for a second, but I'm not. I don't want Cas to die and he will if you don't let me help him." Her voice seemed so sincere, even her eyes seemed innocently pained. Dean and Cas had both fallen for her tricks. He wouldn't, but he would use her.

"What about Dean? Will you fix him too?" She took a drink of her water. "There's nothing to fix now, at least nothing I did. I was 'hired' to make what happened at the warehouse happen. I did that, nothing else."She reached out to grab Sam's hand, but he pulled back before she could touch him, picking up the glass and taking a drink. "So he's just himself now? No mojo or magic or mind-control?" She smiled at the last. "Mind control, really? Sam, the CIA tried that in the 50's, it doesn't work that way. I never used witchcraft or magic of any kind. My instructions were clear. I could only use hypnosis and suggestion to get the job done. Crowley was concerned that Castiel would sense any magic. I guess that's why he needed me. I can get the job done, naturally. The thing that bugs me is that, it was a little too easy."

"What do you mean, too easy?" "Without magic, most people can't be hypnotized that easily, especially if their strong willed. All that stuff you see in movies is complete crap. Hypnotism is like taking a step into the subconscious. A person actually does have to be willing for it to work properly. Even then, they can't be forced to do anything they don't want to do. Yes, with suggestion, they can be tricked into doing something they normally wouldn't do, but the only suggestion that I gave Dean was that Castiel was gonna leave and didn't care about him. Crowley was sure that would be enough. Dean never even fought me. Even willing subjects normally do."

Sam had to fight back a growing urge to slap her. She was talking about Dean like he was some type of test subject instead of a living, human being. "He's been through a whole lot of crap Kris, most of it because of that damn demon you've been working with. He doesn't have a whole lot of fight left in him. This was cruel, Kris." He thought about Bobby's words, earlier. He had been a little cruel too. He should have given Dean the benefit of the doubt.

"I know it was, Sam. But there's more." Sam huffed and ran his hands through his hair. "Of course there is, isn't there always?" She continued. "A part of his memory's been shielded. I can't read minds, but I kind of get 'the big picture'. Something's blocking a part of his, only it doesn't belong there in the first place, like a puzzle piece that doesn't fit. That's the best I can explain it." Sam didn't know what to think about that. His head was already overloaded to begin with.

"So what do you get out of all this? Crowley promise to bring your husband back?" He needed to know what her motivation here was. He wanted to believe her, but history taught him that could be a bad idea. "No, he's at peace. I couldn't bear for him to see what I've turned into. It's funny, I didn't know it at the time, but he kept me human. I'm not anymore, Sam. Don't fool yourself into believing I am. You're right not to trust me, but I'm not evil. I'm only doing what I have to for survival."

"You promise me that you're gonna fix him and nothing else?" She looked up at him and nodded. "I'm the only one who can, Sam. Well, the only one who will, anyway."

* * *

Sam and Kristie walked through the door of the motel to find Bobby sitting on the second bed, papers and computer sprawled out in front of him. Before Sam could get a word out of his mouth, Bobby pushed him to the floor and had his gun pressed to Kristie's forehead.

"You have two seconds to convince me not to splatter your brains all over this room." Sam got up and tried to pull Bobby's gun from her head. "Bobby, she can fix Cas." He turned to Sam, still holding the gun firmly on Kristie. "Son of a bitch. She screwed with them, now you let her screw with you. How can you be so stupid Sam?"

"She didn't Bobby. We just talked…in public." Sam expected Bobby to be suspicious, but he never expected a 'shoot first ask later' attitude. "Yeah, and that's the same line of crap that came out of his mouth not long ago." He nodded toward Dean, never taking his eyes off Kristie. "Bobby look, I don't trust her either. I'm not an idiot; I learned my lesson with Ruby. But, if she says she can fix him, we have to at least try." He looked at Kristie. "Fine, but you so much as breath funny and I'm putting a bullet in you, got it?" "Yeah, I got it." Bobby lowered the gun, tucking it into his pants.

Sam looked at his brother, still in the same position as when he left. "Bobby they been like that the whole time I was gone?" He nodded. "Yeah, only movement was Cas calling Dean's name a few times, Dean stroking his hair or telling him he was there. I have to admit, it's beyond bizarre." Bobby saw Kris staring at the scene. "What, enjoying your handy work?"

She shook her head and turned to him. "What part of that do you think I would find enjoyable? I just didn't realize how bad it got, that's all. I didn't stay. I left to call Sam."

"Hell of a lot of good that did. We never found the way in." She smirked. "yeah, I knew you wouldn't. But I did get Crowley out of there and after me. I just wanted to give him a fighting chance." Bobby furled his eyebrows. "Crowley? Son of a… I should have known. Why the hell didn't Dean say something?" Sam shook his head. "You know him. No matter the circumstances, he's gonna blame himself." Kristie spoke up. "That's a typical self-defense mechanism. If he blames himself, no one else does. Everyone feels sorry for him instead of calling him out for anything." Sam rolled his eyes. "You know what Kristie, You're not here to educate us in psychology and we really don't care what you think at the moment… Wait: If you didn't know how bad it was, how did you know to find me to fix Cas?" She smiled at him, knowing he was gonna be pissed no matter what she said or did. "Crowley sent me. I told you, I still work for him." Bobby was getting more impatient by the minute. "So Crowley sets this whole thing up, then sends you to save him? You have any idea how much sense that doesn't make?" "Not much about this situation does Bobby, even to me."

She looked over to Cas and Dean. "If I had to guess, I'd say that the goal was achieved. Crowley got what he wanted. I do know that he never wanted Cas dead, said he had plans for him."

"You said you can fix him, so get to fixin. We can talk about this later. Cas isn't healing himself while we stand here chatting." Bobby noticed that Cas seemed to be getting worse. He didn't even want to think about the mess Dean would be if the angel actually died. Kristie walked over the Castiel and tried to take his hand, but Dean wouldn't move. "Dean, you have to move. I can fix him, but I need his hand." He voice was calm and soothing. Dean moved out of the way and took a few steps back to give her room. She gently pulled Castiel's hand to her, held two fingers over the golden symbols on his wrist and softly spoke. "Summotus haec alligo." The marks began to move and pull up from his wrist, turning back into a golden bracelet. It disappeared from sight for a brief moment before reappearing in Dean's hand. Seeing that all eyes were safely trained on Cas, he quickly put it in his pocket, not sure why.

Castiel immediately started to heal. The wounds disappeared before their eyes. Castiel sat up, searching the room for Dean. Dean stayed back, head down, ashamed and afraid to meet Castiel's gaze. He deserved to be hated, even wanted to be hated. Instead Castiel walked over to him and put a hand under his chin, lifting his face to meet his own. "Everything's okay now. We're okay now." Dean wiped the water from his cheek and smiled at his beautiful angel. "I'm so sorry, Cas. I swear on my life that I will never hurt you again." He brought his hand up to cup Cas' chin in his hand and gently put his lips to Cas' in a brief chaste kiss, not giving a damn that everyone was watching.

* * *

"So, none of this was your plan? It was all Crowley?" Bobby asked her after Sam had explained their conversation at the bar. "What exactly was the point?"

"I was told that the plan was for Dean to torture Castiel. Crowley wanted to punish Cas and having his 'favorite pet' do it seemed to make it that much better. See, the key to torture is to take advantage of the victim's biggest weaknesses. No one has the same weakness. Castiel really only has one….Dean. Dean's already on the brink of crossing a very dangerous line." She sensed everyone tensing at the comment. "Come on; look at how he's been acting, even before me. You all know it's true." She ignored the icy stares. "Two birds-one stone. Dean all but kills Cas here and destroys what's left of himself, devastating Cas who couldn't save poor Dean from himself. Pretty clever actually."

Bobby had enough. Her clinical attitude made her wonder if she was human at all. "Will someone please tell me why we haven't ended this bitch yet?" He stepped forward, hand dangerously close to his gun. Dean moved in front of him, smiling at Kristie. "Damn Bobby, have you never watched a superhero movie? The villain always gets to spill all the details of its dastardly plan before it gets ganked." Dean spoke with an evil grin as he cupped Kristie's chin in his hand. "Keep spilling, whore." He spat, then released he a lot harder than he needed to.

"So, I'm the villain and you guys are what? The Justice League? Which one of you is Wonder Woman?" She gave Dean a mocking wink and turned her gaze to Bobby. "You think I'm cold and heartless. I wish I was, but I can't afford to let myself care, Bobby….because I tend to care too much." She looked towards Sam. "Look, I asked, begged actually for someone to help me-to tell me what I was supposed to do. Why did I have to shoulder all the pain? Where did I start and the rest of the world end? I looked for even the smallest of signs of what I should do. Crowley was the only one who answered. So don't give me any of your self-righteous crap. I am human and I was drowning. Crowley was the one who came to my rescue."

Dean moved closer to her, breath heavy, not caring one little bit about her sob story. Just another freakin monster making excuses for its actions. Blaming everyone else for its faults. He'd heard that song played way too many times. "I thought I could trust you. You are the most dangerous monster of all because you hide behind sympathy and pain. You make people trust you, think you're a friend. Your strength lies in your ability to bring your victim to their knees, of their own free will. You don't deserve the title human."

She thought about this. "Your right, I don't. I can't apologize for who I am, but what about you? You are wallowing in self-pity, doubt and guilt. You're drowning too Dean, I know the look. Desperation makes us do very regrettable things, wouldn't you say?" She paused to see his reaction. "Or are you that much of a hypocrite? Perfect Dean, always making the right choice. Never losing hope, never making the wrong choice. No, that would never happen. Although I think Alistair might disagree. Ten years you were hells greatest asset, Dean. Everyone in this room knows exactly what you're capable of now. You sit in judgment of everyone else, yet hold your own guilt inside like a secret gift only you get to see. Cat's out of the bag now, honey."

Temper contained for as long as possible, Dean exploded with rage. He was on Kristie before anyone could hold him back, throwing her into the wall hard enough to knock the cheap paintings from the wall in a crash. He grabbed her by the hair and pulled her up to meet his gaze. "Maybe I'll give you a little taste." Before Dean could put the knife to her neck, Sam sprang. "Dean, stop! She's just trying to bait you, can't you see that. Don't give them what they want." Dean relaxed a little. "Sam, don't you get it? Just because she's made of flesh and blood, doesn't mean she's human. She's Crowley's little girlfriend and if we let her leave, she goes straight back to him."

Castiel finally walked forward, his eyes soft and voice calm. "And who in this room has not worked with Crowley when we thought it was to our advantage?" The look he shot Dean was too knowing, with a hint of sarcasm. Everyone present was guilty of conspiring with Crowley on some level, yet it had only been him who was called out and chastised for it. "She thought it was the only way to survive. He was her only hope. Right now we can either show her that's true by turning our backs on her, or prove that we're the 'good guys' here by helping her."

Dean couldn't believe what he was hearing. Was everyone in the room insane? "She even admits that she's still working with him, Cas. No, you wanna help her, do it without me. I almost killed you because of her, now you defend her?" Kristie took a step towards Dean. "Oh Dean, don't blame him. He just doesn't want to see you go all torture master again. Anything for Dean. Only, I know the truth. Behind that guilt you feel for what you did, a very big part of you liked it. Your need for control and domination is part of who you are. You secretly relish the memories of what you did. That's where your guilt really lies, Dean. Not in the act, but in your enjoyment of it."

"Bitch, I will kill you where you stand." Dean's fist slammed into her face, his hand squeezing her neck until she couldn't breathe. Castiel moved with unseen speed, pulling Dean off her, grabbing his hands before he could throw a punch. "You need to calm down, Dean. This is what she wants."

Sam saw that Cas had the situation under control before he spoke. "Bobby, will you take Dean somewhere, anywhere please. Let Cas and me talk to her." Bobby was about ready to kick her ass himself. He led Dean away. "I have a buddy a few states south that could use some help exterminating a vamp nest. I've had about enough of Mrs. Crowley her myself. How bout we go chop some heads off?"

"Sounds good to me, Bobby. But I really need to stick around. I'll go for a walk. I get they need her to figure out what Crowley's up to." He turned to Sam and Cas. "Have the bitch either gone or ball gagged before I get back if you want her to keep breathing." He slammed the door and was gone.

* * *

"So Kristie, what's the game here?" Sam asked her point blank after Bobby and Dean had left. "There's no game. I came here to fix Cas and try to explain myself. Nothing more. I know you think I was baiting him, and you're right. I was pushing his buttons to see if he was still under some type of control. I do not make mistakes. Something's not right here and I don't like loose ends. He couldn't have killed me anyway. I don't care if Crowley wins and I don't care if you win. All I care about is staying sane. I need to know what I'm up against and it looks like I'm being played too."

Cas spoke up. "That's what Crowley did right? Made you not care?" That's the only way someone like you could survive without a guide. Even with angelic help, most eventually go crazy with the burden of everyone else's pain. But you, in your quest for a cure, just ended up making yourself more and more powerful. That only ever makes things worse, Kris. Power corrupts, it doesn't heal."

She softened a little, trying not to show any sign of weakness. "I used to help people, you know. The role I played with you and Dean, that's who I once was. Somewhere along the line, the pain got to be too much, nothing made it stop." Sam sort of understood. "I'll make a deal with you. Stow the 'evil bitch' thing for a while and we'll help you get away from Crowley." She smiled at him. "I know you want to help, Sam. I have to get back. I still have to play my part for reasons I can't tell you. Please understand."

Sam grinned. She acted as though she was a huge threat, but a big part of him only saw a human woman who didn't want to hurt anyone. "I think we can handle it. We've survived monsters, demons, devils, angels, and even gods, No offence, Cas." He looked over at Cas and smiled. Cas just rolled his eyes, but the tell-tale twitch in the corner of his mouth let Sam know that he got the joke. He looked back at Kris. "I think we can survive a human girl."

She considered that and knew that an over confident opponent was the easiest to defeat. "But I'm so much more than that, Sam. Cas knows it too. I can win if I have to." Sam looked at Cas, searching for his reaction. Instead he looked at Kristie with a hint of his old self assurance. "You forget that your power doesn't work on me. I can protect them."

She returned his confident stare with one of cockiness. "I haven't forgotten, but you need to be careful, angel." She leaned down and whispered in his ear. "Don't let him use the binding sigil." Cas looked up at her, glaring at the warning. He wasn't aware that Dean still had it.

With that she was out the door and gone.

"Exactly how powerful is she, Cas? You looked worried after what she said to you and I caught that she said Dean couldn't kill her. Can she really win?" Cas nodded to him and shrugged. "To put it simply, and ironically, what we are dealing with is a Superwoman whose sanity is being held together by Crowley." Sam let a small groan escape his lips as he stretched in the chair before getting up. "And you're probably the only one who can kill her, I take it?" "Yup. I think you've finally gotten the full scope of our situation." Sam looked slightly worried. "But you won't, will you. Because you feel responsible for killing her guide or whatever. You're gonna take the blame for this entire situation aren't you?"

"Just another thing to add to the growing list of things I'll never be able to fix. But Sam, if we can't save her, I will kill her. She is actively making her own choices now, no matter what started this." Castiel started to walk away, but Sam stopped him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Cas, one more thing." He pulled away from Sam's touch. "I am so tired of talking, Sam. Can we not do this right now?"

Sam shook his head. "You know what I need to know, Cas. He's my brother. I know him better than anyone else in this world, including you. I feel like something's wrong with him. She seems to think that he was involved in this, I can read between the lines. Is that possible?" Cas huffed and shook his head. "Why would he? Yes, she believes that, but it's just her conceit because she made a mistake. He wouldn't do that to himself or to me." Sam was glad to hear it, but still didn't buy it completely. "So, you think he's fine now?" "I think he's acting on his own accord now."

"Okay, Cas. Then what's a binding sigil and why did you look like you'd been kicked in the jewels when she mentioned it." Sam had learned Cas' lying expressions and knew he wasn't telling the whole truth. "It's nothing you need to worry about Sam. I will protect Dean, you don't need to worry about him." Sam decided to let it drop for now.

* * *

Dean walked down the road, whiskey bottle in hand wanting, no needing, to kill something. Suddenly one of the street lamps burst in a shower of sparks. Dean turned around to face a very smug looking demon. "Crowley. What the hell do you want? Go back to hell." He searched his coat for the demon knife, but all he could find was an empty flask.

The demon raised his eyes to the hunter, taking a step closer. "Easy there, tuff guy, you'll understand everything in a sec." Crowley placed his hand on Dean's head. Instantly his expression changed, became softer, calmer. He looked at the demon and pushed him back, rubbing his head. "Son of a bitch." Crowley laughed. "Oh, you think this is funny? Your idea of a good time? You were supposed to control the damn situation, you dick."

Crowley put his hands up and took a step back. "Hey, don't blame me. You're the one who took it overboard. I did my part, which I wouldn't have had to do if you were man enough in the first place. You're the one who wanted the control turned off buddy, so you don't get to blame me for your screw up." As much as he hated to admit it, Crowley was right. "Well, she's definitely good at what she does."

Crowley agreed. "I only work with the best. Unfortunately they usually have their own agendas. I take it she pled her case to Ren and Stimpy?" Dean nodded. "Yup and of course they both fell for the whole line of crap she sold them." Crowley laughed. "Well, we don't have time to worry about her. I found the information we needed. It has to be done tonight Dean. Don't screw this one up." "Don't worry, I won't."

Crowley gave Dean a stern glance. "Dean, just so you know, once you do this there's no turning back. This only ends one of two ways." He turned around, not wanting the demon to see his doubts. "I know the stakes Crowley, probably better than you."

"And you're sure you can handle that angel of yours?" Dean rolled his eyes up to Crowley. "You don't worry about him. He'll do what I want. Just worry about your part, I'll take care of mine."

Crowley handed Dean an envelope. "The instructions are on the inside. Follow them to the letter, Dean. I hope you're prepared for what's to come." Dean shot him an annoyed stare. Crowley threw his hands up. "Forgive me for having my doubts. Prove me wrong, Dean."

Dean opened the envelope and read the instructions. "I need some type of special weapon or something?" Crowley shook his head. "Nope, just the guts to actually go through with it." Dean had about enough of the demon's attitude. "Stop treating me like an idiot, Crowley. This isn't my first rodeo. I've been killing things since I was a kid. I did the last thing they told me to do, didn't I? That should be proof enough that I intend to go through with this." The look Crowley shot him was one of pity. "No, actually you didn't. Not without help. Dean, we don't really have her services anymore, so you need to man-up. You may have proven yourself to them, but it'll take more than that to convince me."

Crowley walked around Dean, amused as Dean's eyes followed him. "You know Dean, you're the last one I expected to come knocking on my door, especially with something like this. I thought you were too good to work with the likes of me." Dean wanted to walk away from the annoying little troll, but knew he needed him. "If you have a problem dealing with me, tell me now and I'll bring this deal to someone else. You're not the only player with ambition Crowley."

Crowley rolled his eyes. "My problem lies with your unfortunate codependency, Dean. You can't function on your own, even for simple matters. That's what got us here in the first place. How are you gonna handle it when Sam and Bobby start hunting you? They will Dean. They won't willingly let you do this. Can you handle being the monster…you? Is it really worth it?"

"If it wasn't I wouldn't be here." Dean shot him a sarcastic grin. "Anyway, I'm not alone, am I? I've got you. Lucky me. All is good." Crowley could hardly believe he was dealing with the same Dean Winchester. "All is not good, Dean. We'll see how cocky you are when you start losing your humanity in all this. Big talk starts to fade when the conscience starts to kick in."

"Don't worry about my humanity, Crowley. I know exactly who I am and what I'm doing. It will all be worth it in the end. I have no disillusions about this, I know it's a thin line, but I also know that I can make this work." Dean was growing tired of trying to convince this demon of his sincerity. "What the hell's all the concern for anyway? If you think I'll screw up tonight, just come with me and see for yourself."

"Personally, I couldn't care less about you're humanity or state of mind. What I do care about is sticking my neck out for you. Forgive me if I take issue with trusting my fate to your ability to cross certain lines. No, I won't go with you tonight. You do this, you're on the hook completely of your own free will. After that, we can call this a partnership. I want it very clear that you are in this game before I even think about throwing my hat in the ring."

Dean rolled his eyes to him and turned around, walking away. "Whatever, I'll call you when it's done." Crowley spoke as he walked away. "Funny how that works now. You call me instead of angel boy these days. Oh the tangled web we weave…."

**Notes: I hope you like this chapter. Thanks for your reviews. I love to hear what you have to say and am more than honored that you take the time to read my story...thank you so much.**


	10. Chapter 10

_Sorry it took so long to post this chapter. There is no excuse for my slowness. I hope you enjoy._

**Chapter 10**

Dean staggered into the motel room at about 1:30am, the stench of alcohol following him. Cas and Sam were sitting on the bed going through the papers that Bobby had left behind. "Dean? Are you okay? What happened?" Cas got up and helped steady Dean and walked him over to the other bed.

"I'm fine, Cas. Just needed a drink. It's been a tough week." Cas started to touch his head to clear up the drunkenness, but Sam stopped him. "Let him suffer a little Cas, it's good for humans sometimes. He wanted to get this way for a reason, don't take it away from him." Sam was surprised that Dean could even get drunk anymore, considering the amount of alcohol he consumed these days. He figured that when Dean woke up sick as hell in the morning, he might keep the bottle out of his hands for a little while.

"You know what Sammy? You're a pain in my ass. Always with the caring and sharing, wanting to talk about everything. Everyone's favorite hero." Dean stood up moving to Sam. "I just love how I'll never live up to my baby brother. No matter how many sacrifices I make or people I save, it'll always still be 'all about Sammy'."

Castiel could tell what direction this conversation was moving in and that was the last direction he wanted to go in. Sam had finally stopped talking down his brother and was starting to relax. Now Dean was gonna come in and relight the fire. "Dean, I think you should get some rest." Cas tried to move him back, but Dean just pushed him away. "No Cas, I don't want to. Everything was gone, Cas. Don't you understand? My whole life was all about him. Protect Sammy… Save Sammy… Fix Sammy. I did that Cas, then I finally found something for myself. I may not have deserved it, but ... No one expects me to care. I have to keep going, for him, to handle his next big crisis. And ya know what? He thinks I'm a monster." Dean looked as if he was about to fall over. His words were slurred and sentences broken. Sam almost felt sorry for him.

"Dean, I don't think you're a monster. That's your line, not mine. Right now I think you're too drunk to think straight and should probably go lay down before you say something you'll regret later." Sam turned to Cas, he just couldn't help himself. "See Cas, the thing about drunk people is that they have a habit of letting you know exactly how they really feel, especially when they've been holding it down for so long. Why don't you ask him what his part in the whole warehouse thing was? It'll probably be your best chance to get an honest answer from him."

Cas started to tell Sam to knock it off, but Dean started in before he had the chance. "Leave him the hell out of this Sammy. That's what you want though, isn't it? Kind, gentle, caring Sammy; so much nicer than me. You forgive him without hesitation, sympathize with him, protect him, take care of him. Hell, all I do is hurt him… Right?" Sam just shook his head, if he wasn't so pissed, he might have burst out laughing. "You do realize that Cas is still in the room, right Dean?" Cas just put his hand up to Sam, Shook his head and leaned against the wall on the other side of the room. He wanted no part of this sibling rivalry stupidity. They both asked for this in their own ways, they could deal with it. He straightened up and walked to the door. "Call me when you two are done." He walked out into the night and sat on the curb, really wanting to just fly away somewhere. _Maybe he could find Bobby and hunt vampires. _Tempting thought, but he couldn't leave Dean, not now.

Sam looked down at the papers on the bed, hoping that Castiel's exit was enough to get Dean to shut up, but of course it wasn't. He glared at Sam, lowering his voice to just above a whisper. "You think you can turn him against me? Take him away from me too? Something else I get to lose to you? Not this time. He's mine." Sam finally stood up, knocking the papers to the floor. "He's yours? You own him now? Know what? You're probably right. All it took was beating him into submission. And for what, Dean… So he'd follow you around like a puppy dog? Hell, he practically did that before. You're the only one who got a damn thing out of what happened. Your act hasn't fooled anyone, Dean. Kristie's just the excuse, not the cause. We all know it. He knows too."

Dean pulled the door open and walked outside with Sam right on his heels. "Cas, we need to leave." He looked down at Cas who was still sitting on the curb. Cas looked to Sam, almost as if asking for permission. "Cas, just listen to him, he doesn't even deny it. You can't go with him. You think you're helping, but you're just making matters worse." Cas knew that Sam had a point, but there really wasn't any other option anymore. "Cas, now." Dean's voice was stern and commanding. Cas got up and walked to Deans side, refusing to make eye contact with Sam. Dean put his arm around Cas' waist and gave Sam a victorious grin.

"I'm sorry Sam, but I need to stay with Dean. Please trust me, everything will be fine." Cas still didn't look Sam in the eyes. He knew Sam wouldn't understand. "If you need me, just call and I'll come. I promise." Sam drew in a deep breath. He was almost as angry at Cas as he was Dean. "Sure Cas, if he lets you off your leash." Cas didn't get too many references, but he got that one. "Sam, everything will be fine." Sam pursed his lips and closed his eyes as he tried to hold down his anger. "No Cas it won't, not it you leave with him." Sam turned back to Dean, his voice a little calmer. "Dean, whatever this is, we can figure it out and fix it. You have to realize how far off the rails you are."

Dean just laughed. "Bye Sammy. Let's see how big a hero you are without your sidekick." That was it, Sam was finally pissed. "You think I care if _you_ walk away? I could care less. Actually, you need to get the hell away from me before I…" Cas tensed up. Sam took a step towards Dean with his fist clenched, nostrils flared. He calmed himself before he did anything. "No, I'm not gonna fight with you, you're not worth it. But if either of you happen to come across my brother out there somewhere, tell him I miss him." Sam turned around and walked back in to motel.

As soon as they were gone, Sam picked up his phone and dialed Bobby's number. "Bobby, I need your help here." Sam's voice was shaky and desperate. Bobby could feel the guilt rising in his chest; he had left because he needed a break from Sam and Dean. He'd never run from a monster in his life, but he couldn't just sit there and watch what was happening to his family. He need time to think, time to figure it out.

"Sam, I'm up to my eyeballs in vamps here then I have to head south to help a buddy with a Siren issue. If you run into something that you can't handle, I'll send someone." Sam couldn't believe his ears. _Bobby wanted to send someone else? What was happening here? _"I have run into something I can't handle, Bobby…. Dean! I need your help, not someone else's. This is a family matter, Bobby. We can't involve an outsider." He knew Dean was into something bad, whether or not Bobby wanted to admit it. Involving any other hunter could be bad news. Bobby knew that they almost always shoot first and never bother to ask questions.

"Look kid, just let them go off and do their thing, whatever that is. I'm sure Dean just needs some time off. Sorry Sam, but I gotta go." Bobby hung up the phone before Sam could say anything else.

* * *

Sam had finally forced himself to get a few hours sleep, but was startled awake by banging on the motel door. He groggily walked over and opened it. Kristie stood on the other side looking tired and nervous. "Hi Sam." He rolled his eyes and turned from the door, leaving it open so she could come in. "Look, I know you don't trust me and I don't blame you…" He motioned for her to come in. "Kris, this is just… I want to trust you, but you can do things to people that scares the hell out of me. How can I even trust myself around you?"

She sat her bag down on the bed and turned to him, eyes close to watering. He realized that his first impression was right, she was scared. "That should tell you that I'm not messing with you. I already told you; if I wanted to, you would have no doubts." She scanned the room, realizing for the first time that Sam was alone. "Where is everyone?"

"Bobby went to help a buddy with a vampire issue. Dean and Cas are, well wherever they went off to." She almost looked a little relieved; some of her normal calm slowly replaced the panic of moments ago. "Good. I need to talk to you – alone. I need you to know a few things about the warehouse thing." Sam had no desire to know or hear anything about that. Having to clean Cas' wounds gave him more of a picture than he already wanted.

"I think I have a pretty good idea Kris. I could do without any more details. You may be able to see this situation without feeling anything, but he's my brother. I can't." Kristie had to make Sam understand. He was her only hope now. "Sam, I didn't stay. I couldn't watch and I needed to call you. I didn't know everything, I still don't. I need your help."

"Why would you do that? You had to know that Crowley would be pissed if you double crossed him. Why in the hell would you risk yourself for us?" She wanted to be honest, to tell him everything. There was something about him that was comforting and genuine, but she couldn't, so she went with the truth she could reveal. "I didn't do it for all of you, just him." Sam's expression was confused. "Him who? Dean?" She reached into her bag and pulled out a DVD. "No… I did it for Cas, but that doesn't matter now. You have to watch this disc. We have a problem and, unfortunately it makes my situation very serious."

Sam had to laugh at that. "Serious? Yeah, I can see that. You piss off the three best hunters in the country, almost cause the death on an angel that God himself wants alive, and yeah, betray the king of hell. You could call your situation serious." He put his fingers to the bridge of his nose, trying to massage away the headache he felt about to start. "Sam look…" He interrupted. "No, you look. You act like all this is your playground, but there are actual people involved here. This isn't a damn game. Kris, if I didn't think we could use you, I would kill you at this point. You made a freakin mess. Stop playing games and clean it up."

She took a deep breath and nodded. "I'm trying to Sam, but I need you to believe me. The only way is for you to see it for yourself. I'm sorry, I wish you didn't have to. It won't make you hate me any less, but you need to know what really happened." Sam grabbed the disc from her hand. "Fine. I'm sure I've seen worse." She could see how stressful the situation had become for him. "I can ease a little of your reaction to it if you'd like." He took a step back from her and shook his head. "Don't even think about touching me." She nodded. "I don't have to touch you to…" "You're not making me any more confident in you Kris. I can handle it."

Sam opened the laptop and slipped the disc in, hitting play. He sat down and Kris pulled a chair up next to him. Together they started watching. Kris paused the disc as Dean pulled the angel blade out of Cas' arm. "Cas never even tried to defend himself. He just stood there. He could have stopped him. Even in holy fire, he still had the power to stop Dean." Sam huffed at that. "You don't know us Kris. Everything we've been through together. Everything we survived. He won't fight Dean. He won't defend himself at all, actually. He probably thought he could talk Dean out of it, that he wouldn't actually do it." She gave him a sad smile. "Yeah, because a, _who knows how old_, warrior of God would never think that an unstable human would actually attack."

Sam just shook his head at her. "You're trying to tell me that Cas just let him do that?" She was afraid to let him know how strong her ability to read emotions were, afraid that it would make him doubt her more, but she had to tell him. "I can tell what they both a feeling, just by watching this disc, Sam. I know he _'just let him'_, even knowing what would happen when that bracelet was put on." Sam pressed play, trying to shake off the fact that this girl kept getting creepier and creepier by the minute.

After a few minutes of watching, he slammed the laptop closed, feeling the sudden urge to throw up or scream or both. He had tried to put the name carving out of his mind, but seeing his brother lick… He just couldn't. "There better be a point to this, other than to torture me. I swear…" She put her hand on his back, surprised that he didn't pull away. "There is. I promise. A knife infused with holy oil? A bracelet that binds angel powers? I did some research, Sam. Both of those are Heaven's torture devices, used at _'angel reform school'_. It's how they punish bad little angels.

Sam ran his hands through his hair. "So, you're telling me that they got their hands on Heaven's weapons?" He turned to her. "Not just that. I had no idea Dean had that knife. He wasn't supposed to know what was gonna happen at that warehouse. Even the fire ring was a suggestion I planted after we got there. Why did he have that knife on him already?" Sam considered that. "Worse, how did both Dean and Crowley get their hands on angel torture weapons?"

Sam didn't want to watch anymore, but he realized that Kristie was right. His gut had been screaming the same thing. He reluctantly opened the computer and went back to that awful day.

Sam watched in horror, turning his head at times. "What the hell? _Tell me you want me and it ends_?" He turned to Kris, waiting for an answer. She watched his disgusted expression. "Unfortunately, that was the whole point. They had to break him, Sam. Submission is the usual goal of any torture. They need him to do something. It has to be something pretty big for them to think that they needed to do this to get him to do it." Sam had a sick sensation in his stomach. "So the sex and wanting Castiel, that's all just part of this too? Part of breaking him?" Kristie looked at the horror on Sam's face. "No; I do know that Dean is very much in love with Castiel. That's one of the things that makes this so confusing." Sam was relieved. For some reason, that would have made it so much worse.

"What about Cas? Is he in love with Dean?" Cas had always seemed incapable of deep human emotions. He was more cold and mechanical, at least until recently. Kristie shook her head. "I don't think so. He's not human, doesn't have the same capacity for things like that. What he does feel is a compulsion to protect Dean, keep him safe, make him happy. I don't think there's anything he won't do to achieve that. But it's not love, at least not in the sense of 'romantic' love." Her eyes were sad and tired. "Cas is already struggling with all these new things and feelings, add this to it and I don't know if he'll be able to handle it."

Sam watched the rest of the video without commenting until it was over. "All I see is that Cas refused to defend himself and Crowley got his hands on angel weapons. How does this make anything worse? It looks like it ended with everything being okay. Cas was able to snap him out of it."

"Sam, there was nothing to snap him out of. I did not mojo him, all I did was plant the suggestion that Cas was gonna leave. I told you, I don't make mistakes. I wasn't being conceited, I really don't. I knew there had to be more to this. How they kept it from me is still a mystery. I'm guessing it has something to do with that shielded piece of memory. What Dean can't remember, I can't read." Sam gave her a questioning look. "Sam, go back to the part where Dean supposedly snaps out of it. Watch his face very carefully."

Sam did what she said. "Son of a bitch." He looked at Kristie. "He smiled. Cas only thought he snapped out of it. It was a trick." She felt a wave of relief rush over her as Sam finally got the point. Sometimes it was easy for her to forget that not everyone could read people the way she could. "Now watch Cas' face. Watch his expression, especially his eyes." Sam went back and re-watched, focusing on Cas. His eyes closed and shoulders slumped. "He knew, Kris. He knows." She hesitantly shook her head. "Yup, yet he still said the _'three little words'_. Sam, don't you get it?"

Sam just wanted to go hide in a hole somewhere. The level of messed up that his entire life had become, always had been, was enough to send anyone to the nut house. "No, please tell me because I'm totally confused here." Kris took his chin in her hand and forced him to look at her. "The only explanation is that Dean knew about everything all along. I was never playing him, he was playing already. He has to be in on it with Crowley. They are up to something and you know as well as me that if it involves Crowley, It isn't good." She saw Sam trying to deny this to himself. "Sam, he knew what was going to happen, he came prepared. He knew when Crowley left to come to me, that's the exact time he showed up at my house. He needed a reason to 'snap out of it' and Cas gave it to him by crying."

Sam finally realized how Dean must have felt, watching him do horrible things, then having to watch Cas do horrible things. He had always just seen it as '_Dean doesn't understand how we felt'_. It was the first time that he realized that they didn't understand how _Dean _felt. It was worse on this side.

"Sam, someone high on the food chain has to be helping for them to have gotten those weapons." Kris knew Sam was hurting, but he would hate it if she tried to help, so she just let the hurt in his gut take hold. He looked up at her and added, "And 'miraculously' Cas can't hear or sense Dean." He felt a tear wet his cheek. "So…. How long has my brother been an evil dick and how are we gonna get Cas away from them?" The words were quiet and pained.

Kristie shook her head. She had to wipe a tear from her eye as well. "Sam, Castiel knows that Dean never snapped out of it. He knew the moment he saw the bracelet that heaven is involved. He'll never stop letting Dean do whatever he wants to him because now he has proof that all this, especially Dean, is punishment. He may not even know he's really here."

"What do you mean?" Sam asked quietly. He was tired and once again felt like everyone's fate rested on his shoulders. "Angel reform school… Cas has been there before?" Sam remembered how Cas had been changed by his return visit to heaven. "Yeah, he came back all '_I answer to heaven'_. Sam gave the perfect mocking performance of Castiel's stoic demeanor. Kris smiled at that. "Their methods are very creative, Sam. They have the power to reshape reality, you know this. He may think that this whole thing is just a prison cell. Those weapons reinforced that. He broke, Sam. He won't listen to us now."

"Then what the hell do we do? Wait… You said this makes your situation more serious. How?" Kris looked away. "I can't tell you. What I can say is that, if Dean really is one of the bad guys, I have no chance. I took a gamble not knowing that the game was rigged. I can't win." Sam looked at her, trying to figure her out was virtually impossible. "So why bother then? Why help me?" She looked back up at him. "So maybe when I do die, I can do so, knowing that I did at least one thing right. Just leave it at that."

"We have to fix this Kris. Things have gotten bad before, but we always manage to fix it. We need help, but Bobby can't handle this right now. We have to get them back, both of them." Sam was trying to figure out a way to do this without including Bobby; he would wait to make that call as long as possible. "What can we do?"

"Got any other angels on speed dial?"

* * *

Cas lay on the soft bed with his head on Deans chest, Dean's arms gently wrapped around him. Dean still slept below him. Dean had a hard night. Nightmares plagued his sleep. Cas laid down with him to help keep the dreams away. He thought about entering them, but was too afraid he'd see something he didn't want to. This whole situation was a new level of messed up, but there was no way he was leaving Dean's side. No matter what was going on here, he had Dean and Dean wanted him. Nothing else mattered.

Castiel freed himself from Dean's grip, looking down at the beautiful man below him, shirtless and glistening with sweat. How could he ever have denied this man anything? He was so perfect. He ran his fingers over the tight muscles that slightly tensed at his touch. He ran his hands lower, using his power to make Dean's boxers disappear. Hoping he was doing the right things, he gently glided his hand lower, softly running his fingers through the course hair surrounding Dean's half-hard dick. Dean moaned softly and shifted slightly, allowing Cas more access.

Cas leaned down and ran his tongue up the length of Dean's dick, tasting the flavor of salt and sweat and pure human essence, causing it to jump a little. A quiet moan escaped Dean's lips, his hips arched up slightly. "Cas, what are you doing?" Dean ran his fingers through the angel's soft hair. "Shh… I want you, Dean." Cas whispered, kissing the tip of Dean's cock. He lapped at the head, then slowly took it into his mouth. Dean gripped his hair tighter as Cas sucked up and down, licking and massaging in perfect timing with Dean's upward thrusts that reached the back of Cas' throat. "Oh god Cas, that feels so damn…" Dean thrusted up again, fucking the angel's mouth, close to losing his mind. "God, you have to stop or I'll come in your mouth." Dean could barely contain himself. He pushed Cas off of him before it was too late, pushing him down into the bed. Cas just stared up, confused. Dean pressed his lips down hard on Cas' mouth, pushing his tongue in as deep as it could go, kissing with the passion of a man who's been denied too long. His hands moving desperately over Castiel's still clothed body. "Get rid of them, Cas." Cas obeyed and they both lay naked, tangled and breathless.

Dean reached down and carefully stroked Cas' hard dick, afraid it might freak him out even though he was the one who started this. Instead, Cas' hands moved greedily over Dean's neck and chest, his mouth sucking and biting every inch he could find. Dean was completely overwhelmed with want and need. The Angel's mouth on his body made him want to scream. "Cas, baby" Dean said through breathless gasps, "Cas, I need to fuck you. I need to be inside you, now." He grabbed the angel's head and pulled him back up into a messy, hard kiss, tongue exploring every inch of the angel's mouth." Cas spread his legs in an unspoken invitation, wrapping them around the hunter. "Are you sure, Cas? Is this what you want?" Cas kissed Deans mouth again. "I want you, Dean." Dean looked him in the eyes, pulling himself up slightly. "How do you want me? You have to say it, Cas."

"I want you to fuck me, Dean. Please. Now." The desperation in the angel's voice alone, almost made Dean come undone. "Suck on my fingers, baby." Dean moved his index finger over the angel's lips, tracing the bottom one before Castiel slowly sucked it into his mouth. He let his tongue massage the digit as Dean added a second, then third. He ran his tongue around and in-between, the sight of this beautiful creature caused Dean to swallow hard, his chest about to explode with excitement. Dean closed his eyes, moving slightly he rubbed his dick against Cas' thigh. The angel bit down gently on the fingers, thrusting his hips up in time with Dean's.

Dean reluctantly pulled his fingers out of Castiel's mouth and moved his mouth back down to cover Castiel's, needing at least something inside his angel. He pushed his moistened middle finger into Castiel's tight opening, working it loose. "Damn baby, so tight. Am I hurting you?" Cas thrust into Deans finger in response. Dean added a second finger, spreading them as gently as possible. Castiel moved and moaned impatiently under him. "Fuck me now Dean, please. I want to feel you inside me."

Castiel's words alone were coming close to sending him over the edge, let alone the complete desperation and pleading in his tone. He pulled his fingers out and pressed the tip of his cock against Cas' opening, gently pushing it in. The feeling of finally being completely immersed in this beautiful being was enough to send him over the edge, lost in ecstasy. He tried to get his breathing under control and almost managed when the sensation of fingernails digging into his shoulders snapped him out of it. "Damn it Dean, I'm an angel. You can't hurt me." Castiel thrusted his hips up, pushing Dean completely inside of him. "Now please fuck me." Dean pulled out then back in, taking slow but forceful thrusts, as the angel mewed beneath him. "Fuck Cas, I …" Dean tried to find the words, but none would come out. Dean's breath was coming in shorts rasps as he continuously pounded into Castiel after finding the perfect angle to drive the angel wild.

Dean didn't know how much longer he could last. Castiel moaning and calling his name, his hands gripping and clawing, mouth kissing and licking and tasting his flesh. He felt almost high. He'd never felt anything like this before in his life. He grabbed Castiel's hair and pulled his face up to meet his. "Come for me baby." He breathed the words into his lips as he reached down and cupped Castiel's dick in his hand. Cas was panting, unsure of what he was feeling, but wanting more. "Dean, please. I can't…" Dean pumped harder and made his thrusts longer. "Come on baby, don't fight it. Come for me Cas." Cas nearly screamed as his come shot out, running down Deans hand. The sight of pure pleasure on the angel's face and one last thrust was all it took as Dean filled the angel with his essence. He fell forward onto Castiel, breathing so hard the thought that maybe his lungs had exploded.

Cas was barely moving beneath him. "You okay, Cas?" Dean smiled down at his beautiful angel. "Yes, I'm very okay. Are you happy, Dean?" "Yeah, I'm happy Cas." He placed a long, slow kiss on the angel's mouth as proof. Dean pulled away, a smile on his face, but his eyes were sad and tired. "Cas, not that I'm complaining, but why the sudden change? I thought you were convinced this wasn't the right thing to do." Cas stroked Dean's chin, hating the sad look that came over his face. "I was wrong, I know that now. I can't ever leave you. This is where I should be and I understand that now. I will do whatever you want." He reached up and kissed Dean's lips, giving him a small smile.

"So, this is because of what I did to you?" Saying the words made it too real. He tried to fight back the tears that were about to fall. "You are willing to do this so I won't hurt you again?" Cas brought his hand back up to Dean's cheek and traced his thumb along his lip. "No Dean. You promised that you wouldn't and I believe you. Dean Winchester doesn't break promises. You changed my life from the first moment I saw you. I want you Dean; nothing will change that, not this time."

Dean closed his eyes and took a deep breath, a sick feeling rising up in his stomach, tears forming in his eyes. "Cas, things might not be exactly what you think. You're not…" Dean stopped before he finished, knowing he wasn't allowed to say more. "Don't complicate things, Dean. It's what it is. Let's just try to be happy." Dean gave him a quick peck on his lip, tugging on his lower. "I am happy, Cas. Being with you, it's all that matters."

Cas suddenly pushed up away from Dean. "We have to go. Sam is calling." Dean moved aside to give Cas room to get up. "You go Cas, I'll wait here. Sam's probably worried about you and wants to make sure I didn't beat you up or something." Cas just rolled his eyes and mojoed everything clean and zapped his clothes back on. He looked at Dean with a disapproving face. "He probably wants to know that you're okay too. You're his brother and he loves you."

Dean pulled himself to the edge of the bed, covering himself with the thin, white motel sheet. "Yeah, but he also thinks I'm a monster. He's right, you know." Castiel huffed and sat down next to dean, stroking his hair. "No he doesn't and no you aren't." Dean looked at him appreciatively and smiled. "I just can't face him yet, okay."

Cas nodded and stood up. "Okay, I'll go and see what he needs, then come back. How much time do I have?" Dean shot his head up, staring at Cas. "What?" Cas folded his hands over his chest a little impatiently and repeated his question. "When do you want me back?" Dean could feel the rise and fall of his chest deepening as breathing became a little more difficult. "You don't have a curfew, Cas. Come back when you're done. If I need you, I can call your cell phone. Just be careful … and come back."

Cas nodded once. "I will." With a flutter of wings he was gone and Dean was left all alone with his guilt. Same story, different day.

* * *

"Dean, Dean, Dean. Do you know how close you just came to screwing everything up?" Dean had barely gotten his clothes back on when the demon appeared. He turned around staring harshly at Crowley, in no mood for his attitude. "What the hell are you talking about, Crowley?" Dean walked around him and pulled a bottle of whiskey from his duffel bag, trying to ignore the intruder.

"You can't tell him, Dean. It has to be this way and you know it. Besides, he won't believe you now anyway." Dean took a drink and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I know and I didn't. So you can go back to wherever you came from and let me get drunk in peace." Dean lifted the bottle to his mouth again and turned to walk away.

"What's the matter, Dean? Things not exactly what you thought they'd be?" Dean knew that Crowley was just being Crowley, but it was getting on his nerves today. "No, not exactly, you dick. Please just leave me alone."

Crowley huffed. He knew this was gonna happen. Damn it, he didn't have time for hand-holding. "What did you expect? Did you expect that torture would make him legitimately love you? Dean, you knew this would happen; it was kind of the whole point. He has to be willing to do anything for you; your ass depends on it. Hell, both our asses depend on it, so quit being a cry baby and get over it before you ruin everything. Just look at it this way: He's willing and you're able, so enjoy." Crowley picked up an empty glass and held it out for Dean to fill. Dean rolled his eyes, but added the amber liquid to the glass.

He knew Crowley was right. Still, he wouldn't give him the satisfaction of caving completely. "Enjoy? Really? You would think that, you ass. I can fix this." His words trailed off. "At least _this_ is something I can fix." He took a sip from the bottle and looked over to Crowley. "If you're only here to warn me to keep my mouth shut, I got it. You can leave now." Dean took another drink. His was finally starting to feel some of the effects that only half a fifth could bring.

Crowley threw another envelope down on the table. "Duty calls." Dean just eyed it, taking another drink. "You might want to slow down on that, Dean. It's really hard to get the job done if you're passed out. You said that you could handle this. Now pull it the hell together and do your job." He took a step closer, straightening Dean's shirt collar. "The consequences would be most unpleasant if you don't. We don't want to go through that again, do we?" Crowley took a step back and was gone.

Dean opened the envelope and read the instructions, then shoved it into his pocket. He took another quick drink from the bottle before capping it and putting it away.

* * *

Sam gave Cas a friendly smile when he appeared. "Hi Castiel. I was starting to think you weren't gonna come. Where's Dean?" Cas looked around and Saw Kristie leaning against the wall, hands causally in her pockets, lips tightly pressed together to keep from smiling at the wave of embarrassment she could feel radiating from him. He looked back to Sam, hoping she would keep her mouth shut.

"He wouldn't come, Sam. I tried to convince him that you would want to see him too, but he just isn't ready to face you yet, I'm sorry." Sam looked a little saddened by that, but just cleared his throat and continued on to the business at hand. "That's alright, not so sure I want to face him right now, myself. It's actually better if we talk to you alone, anyway." He hesitated, searching for a good way to begin. There wasn't any. "Cas, I saw everything that happened in that warehouse, Crowley filmed it." Cas put his head down and crossed his arms, taking a deep breath before looking back up at Sam. "Why would you watch that?"

Kristie took a step forward. "Because I asked him to." Cas took a couple steps away from her, not wanting her to touch him. He knew distance wouldn't make a difference in her ability to read him, but it made him feel better anyway. "Why would you do that? There is no reason that he needed to see that, Kris. He already thinks Dean is a horrible person; you didn't need to make it worse. Or maybe Crowley sent you to do it. Are you purposefully driving a wedge between them, Kris? Is that your new game?"

Kristie started to defend herself, but Sam put a hand up to stop her. "Kris isn't the one driving the wedge, you are. It's you that seems to be the center of all this and you know it. She's in a lot of trouble for helping us right now. I needed to see that video and I think you know why." Cas shot Kris a look that Sam didn't realize he was capable of before readdressing Sam. "Of course I know why you needed to see it, at least from her stand point. She just gave you another reason to treat him like a monster, compare him to Lucifer." Cas watched Sam's shocked expression. "I know you said that, so does Dean. You were none to quiet, apparently. What he did, he did to me and I forgive him. It's no one else's business. He didn't hurt anyone except me and that's alright, I can handle it. If you called me here to convince me that he's some sort of monster, don't bother."

Castiel turned to leave, but Sam stepped in front of him. "I didn't want to do this, but you're here to clean up your mess. Daddy's orders, remember?" Cas looked up at him. "Of course I remember, but cleaning up my mess does not include listening to you talk about how all this is Dean's fault because he's gone dark side or something. That is what you're getting at, isn't it?"

Sam smirked. "Obviously the thought has crossed your mind or you wouldn't immediately assume I'm thinking it, but no. This is more about Kristie. She is a part of your mess and I need your help to fix it." Cas pulled a chair out and sat down. "What do you need?" Sam was glad Cas took a seat. He was tired of looking up at him. "I need you to tell up about the knife, the one infused with holy oil. How could Dean have gotten it?"

Cas took a deep breath, he didn't want to talk about it. "I don't know what you're talking about. I can't remember much about that." Sam looked up at Kristie's head shake, telling him that Cas was lying. He nodded back to her and she pushed a few buttons on the computer and turned it to Cas, screen frozen in a picture of Dean pressing the blade to his lips.

The pained expression on Cas' face as he looked at the picture made Sam's heart ache just a little. He hated having to beat up the victim, but it was necessary. "I'm not trying to be cruel here, but we really need answers and I know you have them. Please Cas, don't make us do this the hard way."

Cas looked up at him and away from the frozen memory. "It's a weapon of heaven used for internal issues. The only way he could have gotten it was if someone from heaven gave it to him." He hoped they didn't want him to elaborate because he had no intention of doing so. "What about the bracelet?" Cas rolled his eyes. "Same answer." Sam was quickly getting more and more upset with the angel. "You knew that he wasn't under any spell, Cas. You knew it was all just him and you know that he was, and still probably is, involved in some pretty nasty stuff. Why in the hell would you keep going along with it?"

The hurt and embarrassment that Cas was feeling was quickly turning to anger. This was not Sam's business. "Because I deserved it. I deserve whatever punishment Dean sees fit. I hurt him most of all. I don't deserve peace, happiness or forgiveness. I deserved to die." His voice got a little lower. "But they know I want to die, so it won't happen. They know this is worse."

Sam looked up to Kristie for confirmation that Cas was being honest. When she nodded, he knew they wouldn't get anything more, but he did need to ask one more question. "Cas, what is he?" Cas was shocked at that question. "He's your brother, Sam."

Sam's hands turned into fists as he tried to hold back his frustration. "My brother wouldn't do this." Sam slid the computer to Castiel after hitting the play button. Cas slammed the lid down on the laptop and glared at Sam. "Yes he would and you would better understand that if you had actually been there for him when he returned from hell. For ten hears he did this, Sam. That changes a person and he never got the luxury of a 'wall' to make him forget." He pushed the computer back to Sam. "You're doing the same thing now, letting Kris play games with your head just like Ruby did. Did it ever cross your mind that there's a better chance of figuring this out by playing along instead of creating conflict? If I had stayed with you, he would have left anyway and neither of us would have a chance to fix it. Driving him away isn't the answer, it's the cause."

Kristie finally spoke up, a little annoyed at his accusations. "But you're not just playing along, are you Cas? You're actively participating now. You think he's gonna spill all his secrets in the sac, Cas? Hoping for a little pillow talk?" Cas took a step towards her, the anger washed across his face. "That is none of your business."

Sam cleared his throat and stepped up from the table, moving directly into Castiel's space. "No, but it is mine. He is in love with you, Castiel. You don't feel the same way about him. You're not capable, are you? How can you lead him on like that just to get information? Even you have to know how wrong that is." Sam almost threw a punch, but remembered how pointless (and painful) that would be, just in time to stop himself.

Cas gave him a slightly conceited smirk before taking a step back. "I don't care what you think anymore. Your judgment can't be trusted. As long as you continue to address this problem with the mindset that Dean is just something to 'hunt', I will protect him, even from you. Don't assume to understand what I do or don't feel for him. If you try to hurt him, I will stop you with any means necessary. If I have to choose between you and him, no matter what he's involved in, I will always choose him. Please don't make me do that."

Sam smiled, he should have been terrified by the threat, but for some stupid reason he was glad Cas wasn't 'just playing along' even if that was what he thought he was doing. "I can't fight you, Cas. I don't wanna fight either of you. I just want my brother back." Cas didn't bother to answer, he just disappeared, needing to get back to Dean.

* * *

Dean heard the flutter of wings and turned to see Cas standing behind him. Before he could move, Dean grabbed him and pushed him into the wall, kissing him with all the passion that he could find. He wasn't sure that the angel would actually come back. It was a kiss of pure relief and pent up anticipation of being deserted, yet again.

Cas worked his hands downward, loving the feel of Dean's body next to his. He pulled Dean's t-shirt out of his pants, then started working on the stiff button of his jeans. Dean pulled back, bringing Cas' hands up to his lips, placing a soft kiss on them. "Stop, Cas." He pushed his body tight against the angel, stroking his face before gently kissing his forehead. "I have to go out, Cas and you can't come with me. I need you to promise that you won't follow me."

Cas was worried. "I promise. I'll wait for you here. You seem upset. Are you okay?" Cas hated the sad, dark look in Dean's beautiful eyes. Dean smiled at him and pushed himself back. "Yeah, Cas. I'll be fine. I have to do something I don't want to do, but it's all gonna be okay in the end." He pressed his lips in for another deep kiss, before grabbing his leather jacket from the back of a chair and walking out the door.

* * *

Sam pushed back from the table looking at the computer screen with an odd expression on his face. "Hey Kris, come take a look at this." He turned the computer to show her the screen. She pulled it closer and studied it for a sec. "Those are coordinates and a time." She looked to Sam to see if he thought that too. "Looks like someone wants us to be somewhere."

Sam nodded in agreement, but looked a little nervous. "It's kind of odd seeing coordinates. That's how my dad used to tell us where we needed to go next." His face was a little paler than it had been a moment ago.

Kristie typed the numbers into the computer. "That location isn't very far, just over thirty miles." She looked at her watch. "We only have about an hour."

Sam seemed to pull himself together. "So, a trap of some sort?" He'd rather it be a trap, the other option confirmed his suspicion. Kristie could feel how he had tensed. "Well, cryptic message, possibly from the beyond, magically appearing out of nowhere: Nope, doesn't sound fishy at all. Someone's probably just throwing us a surprise party."

Sam smiled at that. "Well, grab your party hat and let's get on the road."

**Notes: This was such a long chapter, but I was trying to get all the characters on the same page in the story. I hope you all enjoyed. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing.**


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